Journey to the Sunnyside

Mike: 00:00

Welcome to Journey to the Sunny Side, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and, of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunny Side, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside.

Mike: 00:37

I'm Mike Hardenbrook. And today, we're gonna do another one of these solo episodes like I do every Monday on our ten minute Mondays. If you love the interviews, don't worry. I love doing them too. They're not going anywhere, but we're just trying some new stuff to shake it up and see what you think.

Mike: 00:54

If you wanna send some feedback, any comments, any questions, or maybe even a topic you'd like me to talk about on one of these episodes, send me an email, mike@sunnyside.co. I'd love to hear from you. Alright. Let's jump into it. I'm gonna paint a couple scenarios here that I think everyone here has probably had at some point or another.

Mike: 01:14

So first one is, have you ever woken up and you say to yourself, you know what? It is time to take a break or it is time to really dial this back and cut back. But by the time happy hour rolls around later that day, you're thinking to yourself, you know what? Maybe one. And if that's the case, you're not alone.

Mike: 01:31

Many of us have had that. Or maybe it's Monday, and you're feeling all disappointed. You're drinking your green smoothie. You're setting goals, and you're feeling like everything is going right and you're under control. But by Friday, it's a whole different version of you that takes over.

Mike: 01:48

The Friday you was saying to yourself, you know what? Screw it. It's Friday. Let's go out. Even though that Monday, you would probably be shaking their head in disappointment at yourself.

Mike: 01:58

Here's where it can get even more nutty. Sometimes it doesn't even take days for this shift to happen. You can feel like a totally different person within hours. So 10AM, you're super motivated. Lunchtime rolls around, you're motivated, but maybe you're thinking about after work.

Mike: 02:14

3PM, you're exhausted, and you're just kinda looking for a pick me up. 7PM rolls around, and you're telling yourself, just one drink. And at midnight, all of a sudden, you're four or six drinks deep, and you're thinking, you know what? I'm gonna figure this out tomorrow. So what's going on here?

Mike: 02:30

Like, why is this happening? Why do we make these solid commitments in one moment and then totally abandon them later? It doesn't mean that we're weak. It doesn't mean that we have no willpower. Well, that's not the case, and we all know that.

Mike: 02:43

The truth is you're actually not just one person. You have multiple selves that show up in different times. And today, I'm gonna break down exactly why this happens using psychology and neuroscience, and more importantly, how you can actually work with it instead of constantly fighting yourself. So if you've ever wondered to yourself, why do I keep making these decisions that I regret later? This episode's for you.

Mike: 03:08

So the first one we're gonna talk about is something that is a big idea from psychology called the multiple selves theory. This is by Lowenstein in 1996. And this theory says that you are not just one consistent person making rational choices all the time. Instead, you're shifting between different versions of yourself throughout the day, depending on your energy levels, your emotion, and your environment. And these different versions of you, they don't always agree with each other.

Mike: 03:38

So morning you is disciplined. They make good choices. They think about the future. Afternoon you is drained. They start rationalizing shortcuts.

Mike: 03:47

Evening you is like, you know what? Screw it. Let's have fun. Next day you is dealing with the consequences. It's like this passing of the baton between different versions of yourself.

Mike: 03:59

Some are great at sticking to goals, while others want immediate gratification. And this is why you can wake up 100% committed to drinking less, and then by the time you get home from work, that commitment is totally out the window. So here's the key, to realize that the person making the decisions in the morning is not the same person making the decisions at night. Your brain is literally operating in different states. This all depends on fatigue, emotions, stress levels, and things like social influences.

Mike: 04:30

So let's talk about the three biggest forces that create these shifts so that you can actually start recognizing them in real time. So number one is decision fatigue. I've talked about this in an entire episode. There was a study by a group called Tierney in 02/2011 that really backs this up and says that basically you start your day with this full tank of willpower. And as the day goes on, every decision you make drains that tank.

Mike: 04:57

So things like what to wear, what to eat, how to respond to emails, what workout am I doing at the gym. So by the time you get to six or 7PM, you're basically running on fumes. So that's why it's so much harder to say no to a drink at the end of the day than it is in the morning. So how do we hack this? Well, we want to shrink your decisions.

Mike: 05:18

So most people will just say, you know what? I'm gonna plan to drink less tonight, but that is way too vague. So instead of deciding each night, you need to pre commit to the exact plan. This is the genius behind Sunnyside and our planning tool. It works.

Mike: 05:33

It's been studied. It's backed up. So this is a strategy we know and lean into here. And things like I only drink on Friday and Saturdays. If I do drink, I always start with an NA option first or in between drinks.

Mike: 05:48

Or I have a rule, like, no drinks at home, only in social settings. If you make these decisions ahead of time, you don't have to make them in the moment. And there are some other things that you can do. You can make it physically harder to drink. And it is a little bit funny because it's almost like we're policing ourselves.

Mike: 06:06

But if you don't wanna drink at home, don't keep alcohol in the house. If you tend to overdo it at bars, only bring enough cash for you to buy the amount of drinks that you want and leave your card at home. It doesn't count if you ask your friends to buy you a drink, so don't do that. The fewer choices you leave to the end of the day, the easier it's gonna be to stay in control. The next thing we have is something called the hot cold empathy gap.

Mike: 06:32

This was a study by Lowenstein in 02/2005. When you're in something called a cold state, meaning that you're calm, clear headed, logical, you make great decisions. But the moment that you enter into a hot state, stress, excitement, social pressure, your rational brain takes a back seat. So that's why at noon, you can confidently say, I'll only have one drink tonight. But once you're at the bar, in that moment, your brain is like, ah, screw it.

Mike: 06:59

Let's go have some fun. Your brain literally underestimates how much your future self will be influenced by your emotion. So how do we hack this? So you wanna create a pause point before you drink. Use something like the fifteen minute rule.

Mike: 07:13

If you wanna drink, it's okay, but you have to wait fifteen minutes first. And then you can use that time to check-in with yourself. Do I actually want this drink, or am I doing it just out of habit or impulse? Then another thing you can do is a future check-in. So before you drink, pause and ask yourself, will I be happy with this choice tomorrow?

Mike: 07:35

And if your answer is no, then you already know that your decision is being hijacked by emotions. And then number three is social identity shifts. There was a study done by ASH in 1951, and it's basically you drink differently depending on who you're with. We all have that one friend. We all have that group.

Mike: 07:54

For example, you might be around coworkers. You might be in a professional setting. You're gonna keep it classy. You're gonna sip and be more cautious. If you're with old college friends, you might slip right back into the 21 year old version of yourself.

Mike: 08:08

Or if you're on vacation, you're more likely to say, you know what? Who cares? Let's drink. If you're in the airport, you're part of the Wild West as I call it, where there are no rules as far as what time you can have a drink. So your brain subconsciously adapts to the group that you're with and the environment that you're in.

Mike: 08:28

So how do you hack this? So the first thing you can do is called the friend filter. So before going out, ask yourself, who am I hanging out with tonight? Are they big drinkers? Are they not?

Mike: 08:38

So if they're big drinkers, maybe bring a friend that'll kinda set your limits in advance. If it's a mix of people, maybe you anchor yourself with more of the moderate or non drinkers and not the heaviest drinkers. I mean, it's pretty obvious, but a lot of us just don't really plan it out ahead of time. And then predefine your drinking identity. This is gonna sound a little bit silly, but instead of going out undecided, set your identity before your night starts.

Mike: 09:07

Say to yourself, I am a mindful drinker. I am someone who enjoys a drink, but I don't need to overdo it. And there's actual science about the effectiveness of this self talk and predefining who you are and the outcome. So the final takeaway is that you're not one person making consistent choices. Your willpower will drain through the day.

Mike: 09:27

Your emotions will hijack you, and your social identity can shift. But instead of fighting it, you can work with it, recognize it, make these small strategic changes that can put you more in control. So let me know what you think. I'd love to hear from you. Again, send me an email, mike@sunnyside.co.

Mike: 09:47

And if you got anything out of this episode, it would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on whatever podcast platform you're listening to. And I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week and weekend, and I'll see you on Monday. Cheers to your mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by SunnySide, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial.