Journey to the Sunnyside

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another one of these ten minute Mondays. Today, I wanna talk about something that I realized that has come up quite a bit on the podcast, but I never really put a name to it or a lot of explanation. It's this idea that there's not this one you when it comes to alcohol. So let me explain.

There's parts of you maybe that wanna cut back. The part of you looking maybe to take the edge off. There's the part of you that says, come on. Just have one. And then, of course, there's the part of you that feels bad the next morning.

The part of you that says that's it. We're done. And then later maybe there's another part of you that shows up and says tonight is gonna be different. And a lot of us know that feeling. And there's actually a framework for this and for understanding it.

It's called IFS, which actually stands for internal family systems. And my recent guest, Bij Karpen, talked about this directly. And also other therapists on the show have pointed out the same basic truth in different ways. So today I want to put a name to it, I want to explain why it matters for mindful drinking, and give you a few things that you can actually use. So the basic idea is simple.

IFS says that all of us have different inner parts, Different aspects of ourselves, different voices, different strategies. And those parts are often trying to help us even when what they're doing doesn't actually help in the long run. And that's the part that really matters because most of us are used to asking a much harder question when it comes to alcohol. Things like why do I keep doing this? Is there maybe something wrong with me?

And of course, why can't I just be more disciplined? So IFS asks something different. It asks what part of me is showing up right now and what is it trying to do for me? This is a very different starting point because now instead of treating yourself like a problem to be judged, you start looking at your behavior with a little bit more curiosity. So let's make this real.

Let's say at the end of the day you're stressed, you're tired, you've got that familiar urge to have a drink even if it wasn't planned. IFS would say part of you is stepping in right now. Maybe it wants relief, maybe it wants to shut your brain off for just a minute, maybe it wants a reward after a day with lots of pressure and responsibility. And that part of you is not the enemy. It actually may be trying to help you.

The problem is that it's just using alcohol as a quick strategy. It's the go to. And that's where it gets really useful when it comes to mindful drinking. Because if you don't understand what the drink is actually doing for you, it's very hard to change that pattern. You can try, of course, to get strict on yourself.

You can make rules and maybe even shame yourself into being better. But if a part of you still believes alcohol is the quickest path to relief, that part is actually going to keep showing up. And here's something worth thinking about. Shame doesn't solve this. It actually usually makes it much worse.

When you stack judgment on top of the urge, the whole inner system gets more tense. And when you are more tense and depleted and fighting with yourself, reaching for relief starts to look even more attractive. And that's why beating yourself up often backfires. And that's exactly why this framework actually matters. It gives you a way in so that you can zoom out.

So here are a few examples of what these parts can look like. You might have a part of you that wants relief. That one shows up maybe after a hard day and says, I just need to kinda take the edge off. Maybe a part of you wants reward. You worked really hard.

I deserve this. Or maybe a part of you wants freedom. I'm tired of all these obligations and I just wanna cut loose. And then, of course, there's the part that wants to fit in. You know, I'm really not all that social without it.

I need a drink to loosen up. And then on top of this, a controlling part of you will try to come in with hard rules and force. You know, this is exactly what I used to do. And of course, that part means well, but when one part gets more controlling, another part often gets more rebellious. And that cycle keeps going on and on.

And that's a big insight because sometimes the part that's trying to fix the problem is also part of what keeps it going. So what do you actually do about this? Well there's three things. First, name that part. Instead of saying I want a drink, try saying part of me wants a drink right now.

And that creates a little bit of distance there. It reminds you that the craving is not the whole you. It's just one part of your experience in that moment. Second, ask what that part of you is trying to tell you. Not why are you trying to ruin my life, but why are you trying to give me this right now?

What am I looking for? Am I looking for relief? Am I looking for comfort, reward, maybe escape? So once you know what that part wants, you can then get more honest about what you actually need. And then third, let your wiser self respond.

The calmer steadier part of you that can zoom out a little bit. And from that place, you wanna ask, what would actually help me right now? What am I actually looking for? And here's the things, maybe sometimes it still is a drink, but maybe it's also food, maybe it's rest, maybe it's going for a walk or taking fifteen minutes alone. And you'd be surprised how often that part just wants the pressure to come down a little bit, and there's more than one way to do that.

The point is that when you understand that part, you have a better chance of responding instead of just reacting. And that's a different kind of progress. Not becoming this perfect robot who never wants to drink, but instead becoming someone who can notice what's happening inside without immediately handing over the keys maybe to the loudest part of you in the room. So if you've ever felt like there are maybe two versions or maybe even five versions around alcohol, that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. That just actually means you're human.

It may also just mean that there's different parts of you that are trying to handle life in different ways. And here's the thing, the more you understand those parts, the less power they have to run the whole show. And we can start recognizing that a craving may be coming from just a part of you, but it's never actually the whole you. Okay. Well, thanks for hanging out with me today.

If this resonated, you know, go back and listen to my conversation last week with Bijj Karpen for a little bit more insights and real world examples. And, of course, if you got anything out of this episode, please rate and review or reach out mike at sunnyside dot co. We'd love to hear from you. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.