Why it’s Never Too Late to Redefine Your Life pt. 2 w/ Julie Ciardi
Hey there. Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook. And today, I'm picking up the conversation with Julie Ciardi. She's gonna continue sharing her journey from what could have been a midlife crisis to what she calls a midlife creation.
Speaker 1:We'll dive into how she navigated this transition. And if you're feeling stuck and needing a new direction, but don't know where to start, this episode's gonna give you insights and practical steps on where to begin. So let's dive in with Julie.
Speaker 2:I I'm gonna go even, a little bit deeper. So you're at this point. You're at this certain age. You're also a woman. So, you know and I think, that experience is not one that I can speak to from a personal experience.
Speaker 2:So, what do you think the uniqueness is at that stage for a woman at at a point where they wanna make big changes?
Speaker 3:I'm so glad you asked that question, because I actually, it brings tears to my eyes quite frankly because I see the same pattern over and over again with the clients that I that I am so blessed that I get to work with. And I think we'll see a change. I think we'll see change in generations. I always say to my clients, we're gonna create generational shifts in us showing up and doing this work, like, so that I hope my daughter doesn't have to, like, you know, go through some of this. But I have found that it's this, like, crazy spot.
Speaker 3:Imagine your kids are now, like, grown, and they're starting to go off to college and do their own thing. You've had a career. You've gained a lot of wisdom. You've got these new ideas. You wanna create this new thing or start this new business or whatever it may be.
Speaker 3:And at the exact same time, like, menopause hits or perimenopause, I'm gonna tell you right now, it is no joke. In back in the day, they used to call it the change, and it's because literally, I always I always kinda joke with my husband. I'm like, imagine that just like one day you wake up and it's like all your testosterone just walked out the door. It was gone. It just decided to go say goodbye.
Speaker 3:Right? And all the different impacts that would have on your body, like, it would like, lots of systems in your body would go haywire. Right? That's actually what happens to women. Right?
Speaker 3:It's our it's estrogen that leaves the building, but from heart to brain to literally, like, so many different organs and muscle and bone, everything has estrogen receptors. And so it literally creates, like all hell breaks loose. It affects different women differently for certain, but it has an impact. You add that on so health health can start to, like, be effective. Add on to that aging itself.
Speaker 3:When you live in that world of, like, oh, now I gotta market myself. I gotta go put myself out there on social media. I gotta go put myself out there in this content when I when there's all these young influencers and people still wanting and and loving the youth and all of that. Right? It it is a mind.
Speaker 3:You know what for women who wanna, like, it was they feel this need and this desire to bring forth the thing they wanna like, this is, like, the next creation they're here to birth. I really believe is, like, the their their wisdom, like, this next thing. And they're in this, like, soup of health and not feeling confident anymore in how they look and, you know, wanting to put themselves out there. So honestly, like, it's like a lot. It's a lot.
Speaker 3:And so when I end up working with women, I mean, we're working through, yes, getting honing in on their idea and their business and, you know, all of that, but we're we're really working on getting to courage, to getting to confidence so that they can put themselves and their beautiful mind and gift that they're here to bring to the world, like, at the same time that they're going through all this other stuff. And so, yeah, it's pretty different. It's pretty unique, and I can then just say that I am so happy that I'm a gen xer. I think that a lot of gen x women hit menopause and were like, oh, heck no. Like, woah.
Speaker 3:We're not doing this. So you have all these OB GYNs, all these doctors, all these people. All of a sudden, it's like a hot topic. Well, the reason it's a hot topic is because women decided, no. This enough is enough.
Speaker 3:Like, we're not gonna do this. We we are just getting started. Right? And so I think that we're we're we're about to see it like a totally different time for women. We've gotta be some of these pioneers to cut through it initially, but it's that confidence, that courage, the the feeling like they have the energy and the, you know, the health, the the looks and the aging and coming to terms with that.
Speaker 3:It's all of those things combined when they're hitting this stage.
Speaker 2:I'm just now starting to become more in the know, and I think it's the definition of ignorance. I didn't know what I didn't know and started to become educated around menopause and what women do. And I've listened to multiple podcasts, you know. I wanna be supportive from my wife who both is going to go through that, but, also, she wants to have a new new period of of, you know, reinventing herself. And I I wanna be there for her, and I think that it's really good that it's starting to get out there, but I'm glad that you bring it up and you're you're already working with people on that.
Speaker 2:But I think this leads into my my next question is basically, what do men need to know around this?
Speaker 3:Yeah. That your wife's not crazy. And to to just to support her to know. And and I think I tell my husband all the time because he's like, woah. What is happening?
Speaker 3:You know, even my kids are like, what is happening? And I just I, you know, I think that asking the right questions, like, hey. Like, what's going on? Like, share with me. Like, what's happening for you?
Speaker 3:Like, how are you feeling? Or, you know, just not dismissing it or thinking that, oh, it's like you have a cold or is it it's like it's it's big change, you know, from mind, body, spirit, the whole thing. And I think just being there, being supportive, trying to understand and listen. And, you know, if she wants to like, my husband last, he's like, how many supplements do like, I had to, like, go clean out the pantry to dedicate an entire, like, shelf to my supplements or all the bio packing.
Speaker 2:I've been I've been taking notes during the podcast, so I do Oh, no. You know, I do near sleuth work as a amateur Nice. Adviser or whatever you wanna, you know, make fun of myself there. But, yeah, I mean, there's a there's a lot.
Speaker 3:And I think more and more women are going to be trying different things. So as a man, like, just being, like, a a a you know, understanding that, you know, maybe they're gonna try different things. We're gonna try some hormone replacement. They might be trying, you know, to even, like, talk about alcohol. Right?
Speaker 3:It was nice that we metabolize alcohol totally differently as we age. And so, like, all of a sudden, even from a social environment, things are shifting. You know, me wanting to all of a sudden take care of myself at a whole other level. Like, because it's like, really? We have to we can we have this anymore?
Speaker 3:Can we do that? Like like so just and I'm like, you do you, but just I need you to understand. Like, I feel it now or, this is really impacting me, and I'm really trying to stay as healthy as I can because I do have this big purpose in this mission. And so just being very, I think, accepting that they're gonna try lots of different things, and they're on this, like, journey almost of figuring this out and being supportive along the way.
Speaker 2:No. I love that. So, actually, I don't wanna go deep into this, but I'm curious to know, like, that was a very stressful time in your life. So it's easy to fall back on things depending on who the person is. And alcohol could be one of them.
Speaker 2:How did how did you look at alcohol at this time? You know? Like Yeah. Was was that something that was difficult to kinda keep away from and and use as a coping meth mechanism?
Speaker 3:Well, it's so fascinating because at at around 47, so I'm 50 now, I I didn't actually even start hitting anything menopause like until this year. This year, I was turning 50. And, again, I really believe when you follow your inner authority and you start to make decisions that you just know you're meant to make, like, something hit me at age 47. It was right around this time, so it was 3 years ago right now. And I remember I had traveled.
Speaker 3:I actually went and I had dinner with, excuse me, with Bob Proctor. It was a few months before he passed, and I had the most amazing opportunity to fly to Canada, get to see him, but I was coming off of my own retreat that I did for clients down in Nashville. And we had fun in Nashville. Okay? So 3 years ago, I did this retreat for client.
Speaker 3:Definitely had too much alcohol on the retreat. I'm flying back, and I'm flying back to New York. And I'm from New York. I'm flying to Toronto to meet with Bob. And I the pictures all came back.
Speaker 3:Well, when I came back, I was exhausted. I was just so tired. And, of course, I'm in perimenopause at this time, but I don't really know it yet. Like, I'm just not aware of any of this. And I saw pictures.
Speaker 3:I saw pictures from the retreat. I saw pictures from my dinner with Bob, and I'm like, who is that? Like, I just felt like I had put so much into this business. I started to let my health go. When I was at IBM, I was actually super healthy because I loved having that outlet, if that made sense.
Speaker 3:Right? And when I started my business and, you know, the pandemic hit and all these things happen, my health habits went down the tubes. Like, I was, you know, having wine every night glass of wine every night. I never used to do that before, and I wasn't sleeping right. I wasn't taking care of myself.
Speaker 3:I wasn't exercising, and I didn't recognize the woman. And that was in that picture those pictures, and I didn't feel good either. And I just kinda made this decision at 47 that I was gonna train for 50. So I never used the words like menopause and things like that, but I was kinda like, I'm gonna because I was very naive. I was like, oh, I'm gonna sail through menopause.
Speaker 3:That's not gonna be a problem for me. But I was like, but I was I did have this mindset that I wanted to train for 50. And so I actually like, I grew up my natural hair color in those 3 years. I decided that I was gonna really embrace, like, this whole process of, like, turning 50 and making the fifties my best decade, and I knew I needed better habits. The funny thing is is that I changed so many habits, working out, eating all of these things.
Speaker 3:The last one now, the last one was the alcohol, the wine. I I was having a really hard time not having the wine. I really loved it was like coffee in the morning, wine at night. And, socially, I mean, every situation I'm in, everyone has, you know, wine. And I just knew in my heart, I'm like, Jules, you've got to let this one go.
Speaker 3:But I also didn't wanna give it up completely because I'm like it was funny. My daughter went to study in in Italy earlier this year at for which she was at college. And, like, I didn't wanna give up alcohol completely. I wanted to have lovely, you know, glass of wine or 2 with her in Italy. And so I was trying to find this path to being able to have it occasionally and intentionally, and it never worked.
Speaker 3:Whatever I did, it wouldn't work. I'd have 1 or 2, and then, like, oh, I don't have another one or, like, oh, I wasn't gonna have it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then it was Wednesday. Here, I'm boring the glass. So it was this constant drama and back noise that over the last 3 years, I, like, pedaled with it because I knew, like, gotta do something about this. I don't know how.
Speaker 3:You know? And I I mean, we could go into that story too of even how I found Sunnyside, but, like, that it was it was affecting me. It was and I found that the wine was now keeping me up at night. So I used to never have a problem sleeping. I could have wine and be fine.
Speaker 3:I was waking up at 2 or 3 in the morning, which I little did I know this was all part of the whole menopause and the estrogen leaving the building, metabolizing alcohol, and all that changes too. And so I didn't know it at the time, but that's what was happening. And so I was not sleeping now. I'm adding that on top of it. I felt gross the next day.
Speaker 3:And, yeah, it just became like this imperative. Like, I was like, I need to solve this. It was and it was hard. And then here, I'm like, I'm I'm a smart person and disciplined. I've, like, you know, do all these things.
Speaker 3:That was, like, the last frontier, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:A 100%. It does. And, you know, that struggle that you're talking about, it it depend I don't know how much you believe in energetic and vibrational A 100%. Attraction. But, I mean, for me for me, it was, like, even though I could do everything that I'm supposed to be doing, it was that block that kept thing me from flow state, kept things from attracting from my life.
Speaker 2:And as soon as I removed that inner conflict, literally everything it was like, I couldn't make it out. I was like, I should go get a scratch or ticket or something that I never do because everything is going my way. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I believe a 100 where every cell in our body is energy and it's vibrating. And if we're adding alcohol and it turns into sugar and all the things, yeah, it's gonna have a major turns into sugar and all the things, yeah, it's gonna have a major impact on our ability to to attract and vibrate at that higher frequency.
Speaker 2:Well, give me the fast forward version of it. So you made this decision. I think everybody gets this at some point, especially when I'm talking to somebody who's able to say, is this too much? And I'm like, does it feel like too much to you? Because if it does, then that's your answer.
Speaker 2:Don't ask or look for outside validation. So it sounds like you kinda got to that point where it was just, like, this what even if it wasn't even in a lot of quantity, this is too much to me. Yes. Where where are you today with that?
Speaker 3:I and I see and I think you're you're so spot on that that it is so personal for people, and it's a barometer of an internal inner authority that they have to know. And for some people, it's none. For some people, it's some. And for some people some people, for some people laughing, like, lots of wine every night. Like, the the this totally works, and there's nothing, like, wrong with that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I had, Mark Sison, the avocado mayo guy, and he was like, I I wanted him to come on because it's a different perspective.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Love it or don't like it. It depends on who's listening. But, yeah, he he's a super healthy guy, and he he swears. He's like, I don't know if I wanna come on because I have a glass of wine every night. It's like I never get drunk.
Speaker 2:It's always this type of wine. I was like, no. Come on and share. So
Speaker 3:I think it's great. I I think here's the thing. It's you gotta you gotta tune into what's right for you and your you know. You absolutely know. And I think it's like we've gotta take the morality piece out.
Speaker 3:Like, be it's like it's amoral. It's it's just neutral. Like, if we make alcohol neutral instead of it's bad or good Yeah. Or this is for me with all food, by the way, and all things. Like, I have to, like, be neutral.
Speaker 3:I wanna get it to neutrality. And then I can say what's right for me, you know, with this. What's the what's what is that gauge? And I played with it, and, honestly, it's been really fun using Sunnyside to help play with this a little bit. But what I have found for me, because I do I have a very social husband, especially, and we're very social people, especially on the weekends.
Speaker 3:And you know what? I have I have 2 kids in college who when they come home, like, oh, can, you know, can we do a glass of wine with dinner or whatever? And they're like, I I wanna socialize that there's certain things that are important to me. And I to me, there is this nice socialization, but I'm very intentional. So now the way that I set things up is most weeks most weeks, it's nothing like Sunday through Thursday, nothing.
Speaker 3:And then Friday Saturday and and I I like that I can look ahead to the week because if there's something bigger or not. And then I I usually put, like, you know, 1 or 2 on either of those days depending on what we've got going on, what we've got socially. And every once in a while, there might be a networking event on a Thursday, and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna put that in, and then I'd maybe take one from here. So my goal is, like, 4 drinks in a week top. It's always wine.
Speaker 3:It's always what I love. I just enjoy a really nice wine. And so that's what I do. I feel really good about it. And when I went to that system, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:Everything changed. Like, I felt so much better. I like, the drama stopped in my brain. And when you can free up drama and, like, the back and forth in your brain, I mean, you can free yourself up to do so many more things. Right?
Speaker 3:So it just has been a game changer for that, and this is working really well for me. And there are sometimes it comes to a Friday, and I love when I get my little text message. Like, you said you're gonna have, like, you know, 2 drinks today at the tops. And I'm like, you're I don't even really feel like I want one. You know?
Speaker 3:And what I do have some I'm I just I said it to my husband the other day. I was sipping glass of wine. It was beautiful glass of wine. And I'm like, I just really love this again. I said it became just like coffee.
Speaker 3:Like, you know, it just became, like, not a special thing, and I enjoy that it's a special thing now. I really it's it's more meaningful, and I enjoy it. So it's it's been really freeing, I have to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah. No. I mean, that's that's how I felt and, you know, that inner conflict. If you think about all the times that you are debating with yourself or feeling bad about yourself, all that time could be focused on positive energy of creating, of working on projects, of giving people your energy of kindness, love, being helpful. Like, all those things are being taken away.
Speaker 2:So whatever you find that can remove that conflict, I think and it's a take it or leave it or it adds a little bit of joy. A friend of mine actually gave up alcohol for a couple years, but now he uses it with his son. He's kinda like what you said when the kid he says, you know what? I actually brought it back because getting one beer, just one beer, with my son every now and then actually adds value into my life. So Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, it's funny. I I chuckle because my my my father married this amazing woman from Sweden. And so she's my stepmom, and we've just really gotten to know her family. We've been over to Sweden several times. Her family's come over here, and I'm like, I just always at least her family.
Speaker 3:I don't know that's all sweet. Yeah. All Swedes by any means that to generalize, but like, like, like when she gets a beer, like she just enjoys that fresh beer. And it's usually like we just finished skiing for the day and it's just this one beer and it's part of the social. It's like, I can't explain it, but it's just this being in the moment, super present, and just enjoying that thing for what it is with no drama and then just done with that one drink.
Speaker 3:Like, you know, and so I just I I love that, and that's what I try to embody. And I'm not gonna lie. I am not a perfect human. And it was interesting. I, totally went over the number of drinks on a particular night.
Speaker 3:We were we were at this engagement party. We were having so much fun. And, like, I was like, oh, stay longer, stay longer. And I'm like, so tired. I'm like, well, if I'm gonna stay longer, I have to have, like, another there's no way I'm like, I'm not gonna stay upright.
Speaker 3:I'll have another drink. And so then the next day, I can remember I felt like I felt like I used to feel like I was, like, disappointed on myself and, like, beating myself up and going through all that. But I was like, it's okay. You're you're human. You mess up.
Speaker 3:Thank god you have a tool to get back on track fast. And so using Sunnyside that helped me to do that and what was interesting, it had been a while since that had happened. I did not feel good for days, and I think that has a lot to do with menopause. I I did not feel well, like, in my body, like, just even my muscles. I just kind of was achy.
Speaker 3:I didn't feel good, and I I think it's because we don't metabolize at the same and it just gave me further ammunition of, like, I don't want that. And I have a tool to help me stay on track to what I do want. And just being just not beating myself up, but just seeing the reality of those choices, you know, which I think is really powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It is. And I I love the whole story. You know, I you know, I I'm an author. I talk on a podcast.
Speaker 2:You have your business. You're an author, you're a coach, but nobody's perfect. Nobody has a perfect record in. And sometimes it's hard when you when you wanna help other people, but you also, we're all human. You know?
Speaker 3:I'm very transparent. I always tell my client and it's it's it's important. You know? It's important, because people want to feel like if the nothing that nothing's wrong with them if they mess up. Because guess what?
Speaker 3:We're gonna fail our way forward in anything we want in our life. We're gonna fail forward. So it's just helpful to know people aren't just like you know, I thought people were like these, like, you know, unicorns that were just able to, like, do you know, start these businesses or maybe give up alcohol or to, like you know? And then and it feels so far away from ourselves when we think, well, that person's just a unicorn. You know?
Speaker 3:So it helps, to be honest.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, the only the the real difference is is that when you do mess up, that you use it as a moment of learning and growth and take something away from
Speaker 3:it. Wisdom.
Speaker 2:Yep. Okay. So now we're gonna go back to sort of our premise in the beginning of the podcast, and that was you're going through this corporate job and this you having these internal struggles, and you're having a plan inside of you to make a change. You're starting to do things. You're getting over the difficulties.
Speaker 2:Tell us what happened along the way when you actually started executing on all this.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I I I would could tell you that, oh, yeah. So then I just decided I was gonna start a business, and I started 1, and it was all great and amazing, and that'd be a total lie, or that it was overnight. You know? It just it it wasn't.
Speaker 3:And so I know people wanna hear that, but it it wasn't like that. So I made this decision. It was, like, done. Like, I I call it a now goal. So, like, when you take a someday goal and you actually bring it into the now, it's when life changes.
Speaker 3:So the now goal is, like I I told you, 20 years, I had the dream of, like, maybe doing my own thing, having my own business. So for 20 years, it was a someday goal. When I read that book by Bronnie Ware, when I had that moment, that became a now goal. I didn't call it that at the time, but that's why we call it that. And it was the catalyst then to start a process of moving forward.
Speaker 3:Now from that moment till I actually, like, left IBM was 18 months, maybe almost 2 years. So it takes time. Right? But in that time, I was actively working on my now goal. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3:Right? So it was so fun for me. I felt like a new person. So I was still at IBM. I was still doing the job that I didn't wanna do.
Speaker 3:But now I was excited and energized because I I'd made a decision. I got off the fence, and I started to take proactive measures. So I was, like, in the exploratory phases, and I was trying to figure out, well, what could I do? What business would I start? What am I good at?
Speaker 3:I can still literally remember, like, all the things I was writing down that I could do. And I, you know, decided to believe it or not, I started started a brick and mortar business initially because I still didn't believe in this online space. I was like, I don't know. Like, really? You can make money online?
Speaker 3:I'm not sure. I was still so old full business. And so I actually opened a brick and mortar boutique for women. I did it while I was still a vice president at IBM with 3 children, and I I had a blast. I loved it.
Speaker 3:I think back and I'm like, how do I have the energy? I don't even know. But I did it because I was so excited. And I opened this business. It was amazing.
Speaker 3:I knew about 5 months after the doors open. I'm like, okay. I know this isn't what I'm gonna do forever, but it was a great launching point for me. And, I I ended up selling that business. I ended up selling the boutique, becoming a coach because, again, I think the universe, God, your vibration brings people to you.
Speaker 3:People came out of the woodwork saying to me, how did you leave IBM? How did you do this? I wanna do my own thing. And so it just became really clear. One of the things I loved at IBM was when I was mentoring women.
Speaker 3:And so I decided, you know, to become a coach and mentor of women to help them. So it just was logical thing. It made so much sense. And so I started the coaching business in 2018. And from there, it's just been amazing.
Speaker 3:It was hard at first. I'm not gonna lie. It got to the point where my husband's like, so he was super supportive and then he was like, so are you gonna maybe go get a job again? You wanna get a they put your resume in because, you know, I was the primary breadwinner that went to making, like, nothing pretty much. And and it took time.
Speaker 3:It took time for the business to grow. You know, even though I knew business, to market yourself, to put yourself out there, to grow it, to get to consistent revenue, to put myself on my own payroll, to hire people. I mean, it took some time. But now I pinched myself. I I pinched myself that I get to do what I get to do.
Speaker 3:We joke in my community. We call it TGIM. Like, thank God it's Monday because we love the work that we do. And so we look forward to Mondays. And that was after decades of the Sunday scaries and the Monday blues and all of those things.
Speaker 3:And I I I get to, create my own schedule. I get to really be so flexible with my children. I think just I'm not sure how old your kids are, but they they they need you even more when they get older. Like, by 21 in Nitro, like, I actually need to be way more flexible in my schedule for them than I really even do for the the 5th grader. And so I just feel like I get that ability to have the the business that I love.
Speaker 3:I get to be there for my children, and I just have a really exciting vision for the future of what's to come, and I get to create that, which is just mind blowing to me. I never knew I could do that. I never knew I got to create that, until the last, you know, 10 years. So it's pretty powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's amazing. I can hear the energy in your voice, and I love ending on this high note of the success, but you shared all the parts that actually matter, all the parts that are really hard, which is just getting started and then moving past all these barriers that are inside of either, our own mindset, which is, as you would agree, the biggest thing that needs to be in line before you do anything, before you take any action. And sometimes they they align at the same time. Sometimes you need to take action for the mind to catch up.
Speaker 2:But, but I'm so glad that you shared this, that you were open book through all of it. I think the work that you are doing is incredible for for women specifically, and so I commend you for that. And anybody that's listening, I want you to share anything that you're working on and where they can connect with you and, just learn more.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So at the time of this recording, my book, 50 Not Finished, is coming out in February of 2025. So if you wanna get on the wait list for that, you can go to 50 not finished.com. But my website, juliesciardi.com, has all the different things that we do and and how I help people. And I have my own podcast, 50 not finished, and you can go and check that out.
Speaker 3:I you're gonna be on it, which I'm excited about. And yeah. And just I love to connect. I love to take the online space and make it real. And so send me a message.
Speaker 3:If there was something about this episode that resonated with you, send me a DM on Instagram. You know? I I love that. I love connecting with people and, getting to hear because as I we started this whole, you know, series series, like, I my life changed listening to podcasts. My life changed getting to know these different people that made decisions and moves that I wanted to make, and so I think it's just great to be able to, like, connect.
Speaker 3:So feel free to DM. I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 2:Yes. I love that. And you'll probably be hearing from my wife because I'm definitely sending, you her way. So thanks, Doug, you again, Julie. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3:I love being here. Thank you for all you're doing as well. Thank you.
Speaker 1:And that wraps up part 2 of our conversation with Julie Ciardi. If today's episode resonated with you, head on over to sunnyside.co and take our free 3 minute quiz on your mindful drinking journey. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at join sunny side. And if you love this conversation, hit subscribe and stay connected. Until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
Creators and Guests
