Why it’s Never Too Late to Redefine Your Life pt. 1 w/ Julie Ciardi
Hey there, and welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook. And today's episode is for anyone who feels stuck or disconnected from their purpose. Whether you're 50 or even in your forties and starting to question where you're headed, My guest today, Julie Ciardi, is a former Fortune fifty executive who now helps people in midlife redefine their lives, create new identities, and align with what truly fulfills them. Today, she shares her journey for what could have been a midlife crisis to what she now calls a midlife creation.
Speaker 1:So if you're feeling ready for a new direction, but don't know where to start, this episode is gonna give you insights and practical steps on where to begin.
Speaker 2:Okay. Today, I'm joined with Julie Ciardi. Julie, thanks for coming on today.
Speaker 3:I'm so excited to be here, Mike.
Speaker 2:Yeah. This is gonna be a great conversation, and you have a unique take on things specifically for women of a certain age bracket. And so we're gonna get into all that, but I wanted you to take us back a little bit. You have had this huge transformation, and in fact, you went on to write a book and help others with this and a program around it. But before all of that, you had this successful career that you realized it really wasn't fulfilling you.
Speaker 2:But before we get into all that, take us back what that life looked like before this big change happened.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I love to, because it was myself hearing stories like this that helped me get the courage to make the change. But about six years ago, I was still a vice president of marketing at IBM, where I had a, you know, about a 20 total corporate career, you know, kind of your typical standard career of, you know, going to school, trying to get land a good job, got the master's degree and, started to work for someone else. I worked for a couple of companies and then I worked for IBM for the longest part of that. I think about sixteen, seventeen years, I was with IBM and I was in what I call the income lifestyle trap, which is like, I was, we were making great money.
Speaker 3:My husband at the time, he's still the same husband. He has a different job now, but he, at the time he was a police officer. I was the primary breadwinner with three children and I made a really good living doing what I did. I was a vice president of marketing and sales at IBM. And it was, we were living the life, you know, we had a beautiful big home.
Speaker 3:We had great vacations. You know, I was so blessed with the three kids and I'm gonna be honest. I wasn't happy. I was happy with them. I was happy with, you know, certain aspects of my life, but I'm the kind of person I gotta love what I'm doing and how I'm spending my time and making the money.
Speaker 3:And I I I did not love what I was doing. And I it was a long time coming where I didn't love what I was doing, but I had so much fear, so much uncertainty, narratives that held me back. And so I stayed stuck there and it began to affect my health. It affected, my happiness. It affected my relationships.
Speaker 3:So I think when you're not, you know, loving what you do or you're miserable in some capacity, it's gonna come out, you know, with, with, you know, your family or important relationships. So, yeah, it was a totally it's totally different from where I'm I am at now. But it was, it it was hard to leave that because, you know, again, you think when you're working for someone else, you feel more secure, more certain. And, you know, we were just living really in the means of the salary and the bonuses and the things that were coming from my career. And so for me to leave that, that was gonna impact not just me, but a whole family of five.
Speaker 3:And so it was a it was a challenging time to say the least.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, isn't that the case that it all appearances from the outside, everything looks fantastic, and yet here you are struggling. And, you know, my brother wasn't a a corporate attorney. I have a lot of friends who are corporate attorneys, so I hear that that lock in, you know, to make partner all of a sudden. Your kids are in maybe private school.
Speaker 2:There's a standard of living, and now it's basically, I'm stuck here until the end of my career. Otherwise, I'm gonna let everybody else down. I'd love to dig into what was it about that life that you started to question specific things that you were like, I actually need to make a change here because I don't wanna keep going. Can you give us a little bit more detail on that?
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I'm sure we'll hit on some of this throughout, but, you know, I I really believe that our soul knows. Like, we are spirit, our soul, like it's like it's meant to do certain things. Right. And we get, we get lit up when we're doing things that we love.
Speaker 3:And when we're not, you know, we, we feel the ramifications of that. So here's the funny thing. I knew I was in the wrong place, the wrong career the whole time. So it wasn't like it just happened one day. You know, it was the whole time to the point where my oldest child she's 21 and I was pregnant with her.
Speaker 3:So it's twenty one years ago. I'm pregnant with her, totally different time. Okay. We did not have social media. We did not even have online businesses, like online.
Speaker 3:That's how far we've come in two decades. Right. We did not have online businesses when she was when I was pregnant with her. And I was, like, already figuring out what could I do next. I didn't wanna have to go back to IBM, and I wanted to do something different.
Speaker 3:And I remember I was on the phone with the vice president of franchising for a flower shop that I had encountered in Boston. And I'm like, maybe I can open one of these in in New York. And, and I was on the phone pregnant twenty one years ago. And so it started early on. And from that point until six years ago, I tried lots of different things.
Speaker 3:Like I, but not far enough. I can remember this. You'll appreciate this story. Your listeners, I think will find this funny too. I was so interested in becoming an entrepreneur that I actually went to entrepreneur.com.
Speaker 3:And back then it was just still a magazine, I think. And it was back when websites were pretty much just static information. Right. And I was like, I wanna learn more. And so I could put my information in an order, a binder.
Speaker 3:And so what came in the mail to find out how do I become an entrepreneur was like a six inch binder.
Speaker 2:I remember ordering all those magazines, by the way. Oh, good. So Yeah. I think fifteen years online. So I I have bumps of all of this.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:There you go. And so it's every step of the way, every piece of the journey of learning, it I just fear stopped me. I felt selfish to be honest here. I had this great life I created for my family and I, it just, it was very scary. And so the desire was there.
Speaker 3:And it kept being a someday. Someday I'll do this someday. It will happen. Maybe when the kids have graduated from college someday. And you know what?
Speaker 3:You know, it's ironic because we're on a podcast. Podcasts changed the game. Somehow I started listening to podcasts. I would go on for a walk, like every day when I worked at IBM, I was like, I just need to get out of the house, away from my desk. I worked in a global role, but it was virtual.
Speaker 3:We were virtual before virtual was a thing. So I was on conference calls all the time. She kind of chained to my computer at home and I would go on walks at least once a day. And I would listen to podcasts and all of a sudden it was hearing other women, especially women who created businesses left a corporate career. They didn't love.
Speaker 3:And I mean, we're talking so many different kinds of businesses. Some are product based and we're online. That's when I first started hearing about the online space, this was a solid, like eight, nine years ago. I'm like, what is this world that exists? Like, I had no idea that this online world existed from a business standpoint.
Speaker 3:And so you're in a bubble. I think, you know, I was I was in a bubble in corporate. And And so I started to listen to these podcasts and here's what changed. And this is what I help my clients with what was possible changed because all of a sudden I said, well, if this person is doing it or that person's doing it, why can't I do it? I'm smart.
Speaker 3:I like, I got successful. Like why can't I do this? And so my whole perspective of what was possible dramatically changed. And that's what then created like that opening, if you will, for, to learn more, to figure out what could I do with the skill set I had and do what these other women were doing. So podcasts really changed the game for me.
Speaker 3:That's why I love it.
Speaker 2:No. I love that. And so it sounds like you got to this point that you're ready to make a change. You haven't quite made it yet. But I think in anything that we're doing, we've become so accustomed to everything.
Speaker 2:Fear gets in a way. We have attachment. What was the hardest part of letting go in your mind before you even actually did it to this corporate identity, to this family that you built up? What was it that you was there a point that you were just like, I have to let that go to be able to move forward?
Speaker 3:A %. And the, so to answer that in two ways, the thing that held me back, it actually was not the fear of failure. I honestly, like I've always been a go getter. I've always been a, like, you know, I believe in myself. I really have always believed in myself.
Speaker 3:I didn't wanna let my family down. So it was this selfishness. It was, this fear that, yeah, it's I knew it wasn't gonna happen overnight. I knew I could be successful, but I had this fear of letting my family down. What like, this was the interesting one for me.
Speaker 3:It was like, what if I couldn't pay for college? What if I couldn't pay for the college for my kids? Like, I really wanna make sure I could pay for college for my kids. And so it was like it was just not being able to provide is really and that fear of that is what held me back. And then the thing that shifted everything was a book.
Speaker 3:And it was a book by a woman named Bronnie Ware, and the book is called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. I don't know if you heard of it. It's like, it's a doozy, powerful. And all when I read it, it was like, there was the time before I read that book and the time after I read the book.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love those, those pieces that you find here and there are moments where it's just defining.
Speaker 3:So, like, I have a chill saying it. I remember where I was. I was I was actually I was I'm a big fan of, like, I buy the actual book and I do the audiobook, just because with three kids and all the things, like, it was a lot. And my my 10 year old, he's 10 now, my youngest, he was a baby. And I had earbuds in and I was, like, rubbing his back in his room, trying again to fall asleep.
Speaker 3:As I know, so many of you parents know of like, you can't leave the room until they fall asleep. And I just put the earbuds in and I was listening to this book and it was talking about the top five regrets of the dying and the big one was regretting, not doing the thing that you really wanted to do because you were worried about other people. I mean, it basically was the exact thing that was holding me back. And I started to think about being like, God willing 90, 90 five years old, sitting in a rocking chair. I visualize this.
Speaker 3:I use this exercise with my clients all the time now, like sitting in a rocking chair and looking back and saying, would I regret any, would there be something I would regret because of fear or not wanting to let someone down or all the things? Hands down. It was like screamed at me in the face. Like you would totally regret not leaving IBM and, and, and at least trying to do your own thing or leaving working for someone else. It didn't have to be IBM.
Speaker 3:But, like, leaving working for someone else, doing this thing that's been on your heart for, like, two decades, like, make it happen. You know? The worst thing that can happen is I go back to work for someone else. Okay. You know?
Speaker 3:And so that was that pivotal moment. I just needed to hear the right thing to have that perspective shift and to get to courage, which I know will probably hit a little bit on some, some mentors and people that have influenced. But Doctor. David Hawkins always like he's, he's no longer with us, but his book, the map of consciousness, he talks about all it takes, all it takes for like your life to flip courage. So all that happened in that one singular moment was I got courage because I did not wanna have that regret.
Speaker 3:And it was that simple. It took twenty years to get there, but it was that simple to get to that point and everything changed from that day.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's always it's always simple in retrospect. Right? And, you know, in the business world, I used to teach a lot of selling and, you know, part of that is fear and just getting out there. And it and it is about, like, what's the worst that can happen if you ask, if you if you go for it.
Speaker 2:And the same with entrepreneurship or any big life change. And most of the time, it's just, you're gonna be if you're unhappy now, you're just gonna be right back where you are. So you might as well just go for it. It's, you know, there's no loss there.
Speaker 3:Yes. Yeah. Exactly. And when you think about what's the first thing and it's where you are, you gotta take the chance. But I think to be fair, though, I I really do think everyone needs to have their moment.
Speaker 3:And so that's why I love podcasts books. Getting yourself into places where you can hear, see, be in the energy of the people that do have what you want, because you will eventually hear something, that thing that gives you that moment where you're like enough, like I'm going to give this a chance. You're going to hear the right person share their story and it's going to, and I, and you know, those moments, I have definitely, several of them that are so defining all along this journey. And it's just because I happened to hear the right thing I needed to hear, but I was also in pursuit. So you gotta be in pursuit.
Speaker 3:You gotta be putting yourself into those situations where you're going to then encounter the exact thing you need to hear or see or read.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I love that part of it and keeping yourself open to that as well. And, you know, we talked about courage, and that's addressed by a lot of people. But I think also this sense of self that you felt maybe that you were selfish. That's something that I think is less often talked about.
Speaker 2:But in order to let first of all, if you're unhappy, you're not showing up in life a % for all the people that you love and can make an impact. And maybe you're not even reaching the people that you should be impacting because of this feeling of selfishness. So I love that, you know, you are able to get past that and also see that, like, there's much bigger concept. This is maybe it might feel a little selfish, but I'm doing this in a selfless way.
Speaker 3:Completely. I you know, I think of the women that have come into my world that I've been able to help, you know, hundreds and hundreds of women over the last six years. And, like, they they've said to me, like, thank you for taking a chance, because if not, then I wouldn't have met you and learned this. Or, you know, so we do all have this ripple effect on other humans when we take that step. And here, I was so worried about my kids.
Speaker 3:And the ironic thing is that it was the best thing to ever happen to them. Because now I have a 21 and 19 year old that are in college. They're both in college. The other, the little guys in fifth grade. And like they're the what's possible for them wide open, like in terms of entrepreneurship or working for someone or, you know, just their their their ideas are probably very, very different than they would have been had I stayed in a job that I didn't love.
Speaker 3:Them full well knowing I didn't love it. You know? So they it's like to be able to see someone go after their goals and their dreams and even their friends, it's really cute where they were like, I love listening to your mom or watching what she's doing. And it just gives that ripple effect that you, that one step, that one moment where you're like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna take a chance.
Speaker 3:You don't even realize how the impact you can have across so many different people.
Speaker 2:It it blows your mind. There's actually this book, Power of Intention. I'm a huge Wayne Dyer fan, and it talks about the impact that you can have on people. And then if you operate at a high vibration, his estimates are around ninety two thousand people can be affected in your lifetime, and it goes up in the tier of that. And when you read that, it's just so impactful.
Speaker 2:And if you believe it, which I do, you know, it's it's incredible what we can actually do and achieve.
Speaker 3:Yes. That that that's similar to to doctor David Hawkins. He created a scale of frequency. So Yeah. Like, in terms of, you know, the effect that you can have on the world, you know, and, you know, I bet I bet you Wayne Dyer loved him.
Speaker 3:I bet you Yeah.
Speaker 2:They they he cites him all the time.
Speaker 3:Oh, there you go.
Speaker 2:Sure that yeah. And that's I I I read both of them. Something about Wayne's style of writing connects to me in that book.
Speaker 3:That's Yes. Seeing my ideas. To that point, it's just something else I'd recommend to to listeners is, like, find that person that resonates. I'm like, I'm a teacher and mentor use that uses human design. And so I, this is what this is real, like people, the frequency of people's voices And what they say resonate with us differently.
Speaker 3:I mean, you know, we connect with different people. You could have two people saying the exact same thing. Like let's say, wait, let's say Wayne Dyer and like Bob Proctor, right? They're totally different humans with different voices, very similar message that was just shared differently. So we resonate with different people, find the people that you really resonate with and learn, just be a student, like really decide you're gonna go deep in their content, repetition and study, and you'd be surprised the shifts and changes that begin to happen in you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I love that. That aspect is you really should just find the person that can deliver it in a way that makes the impact and and just connects with you, and you wanna you want more of it or you wanna take action on it. So I I'm Inside of Me wants to fast forward straight to your to kinda, like, today. But before we do, I think that, like, this moment of transformation that you were going through, it's important to talk about the different aspects of it, and we've covered some of those.
Speaker 2:But one of it is the stage in life that you are that you were and are, and this is, like, midlife. So, you know, I guess you could call it the midlife crisis, and you have this concept of midlife creation. So maybe touch on those points, like, how it unfolded in your own life and how you see it broadly speaking.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's amazing. You know, again, you know, just like the Steve Jobs quote, you know, you can't connect the dots looking, you know, looking forward, only backward. If I look backward, it all all is clear. But at the time, it wasn't as clear.
Speaker 3:I think that part of the problem is that and things are changing. We're getting a bit of a different narrative, which is nice. But the narrative I grew up with, which was, you know, you had to figure out what you were gonna do with your life by like 19, 18, 19, going into college. You know what I mean? You had to like, what was your major?
Speaker 3:What were you gonna go into? And then you're picking that career. And I mean, we don't know anything really about ourselves. We, we, there's so much more growing to be done. And, you know, to me, I think we're in a time where, you know, you change careers in your forties or like even 50, like you must be crazy.
Speaker 3:You must be insane. Right? You're like, no one does that. And I think we got to change that narrative because quite frankly, I don't think we really know. I think that we continue to grow and develop and we're supposed to go through, you know, years, even decades of learning of wisdom that culminates, like, it's all that it's wisdom from a skillset and also wisdom of experience and also just like understanding who you are and it starts to culminate.
Speaker 3:And it's it's this why I am a huge fan of human design, because the whole idea is that actually at 50, it's when you become this, you can become this most incredibly useful, like wildly impactful person because of all of the experience and wisdom that you've had. It might look a little different in the second half. We think people go crazy. Oh my God. They must be having a midlife crisis if people start wanting to do something different.
Speaker 3:I know what I was 40 when all this transpired, and I was like, alright. We gotta sell our house, which is what we did. We sold our house. We need to sell our house. We need to downsize.
Speaker 3:We're gonna like, I'm gonna leave IBM. We're gonna do all these things. People literally thought I was insane. Like, what is wrong with you? And then fast forward, like five years later, they're like, you were a genius.
Speaker 3:I'm like, more people need to do this. Right. And it's like, we were, we've never been taught that this is okay. And so, you know, I think that midlife in, and in so many people go through this and we're meant to, I honestly think we're meant to, I think that when we're not in alignment, it's kind of like the universe, God, whatever you believe kind of shakes you around the shoulders. And it's like, you're not quite where you need to be to fulfill your life's work.
Speaker 3:And that's what happened to me, like 40. I mean, it was like, that's when I read that book. That's when I knew, like, no. Like, this has changed. And that's why I love helping women in that timeframe of their life.
Speaker 3:And just to give you some cool examples, like, I have a woman that's in part of our program who she is, like, she's like a NASA scientist. Okay? She's like this tech scientist, NASA, like, so smart. She's kind of in her second half love life. She's not planning to leave NASA.
Speaker 3:She loves it, but she over the years had developed this wisdom and this purpose of how to help women in tech, like young women in tech and women in tech grow up and become leaders in tech. And so she's got a framework and a methodology, and she wrote a book and now she is like kind of launching a speaking career while she also has the day job that she has with NASA. People would think that was crazy in the past. Right? This is the new era.
Speaker 3:I think we're going into where like, this is what we're meant to do. We're meant to like, bring the wisdom and bring this knowledge and bring it out into the world to have that big impact. And I think that's why I like to say midlife creation. It's like, okay, what are we go what's next? What are we creating now?
Speaker 3:And we've asked ourself that question when we're in high school and then in college and then in our twenties, and we're like, what's next? Where am I gonna live? What the job and all these things. And then all of a sudden we stop asking those questions so that when the midlife crisis hits, like like, we're just not used to asking ourselves, well, what's next? What do I want?
Speaker 3:What do I wanna create? But the more people that can realize it's actually a super normal, important part of the human experience, like, imagine what we could all be doing with the second half of our life instead of I remember 55 was you planned for retirement. Like, or you're like I'm like, I'm 50 I just turned 50 this year. Like, I really feel like I'm just getting started. It's why it's why my book is called 50 Not Finished.
Speaker 3:It's like, we're here to, like, just begin at this age. I believe that, like, in my core and just helping to change that narrative because it's a deep narrative that needs changing.
Speaker 2:There is so much there that you said that I, like, personally identified with. First of all, let me just say that I still joke around and look at my wife and say, one day, I'm gonna figure out what I what I wanna be when I grow up. Good. And that's true. And, yeah, who said that you have to plateau or flatten out at a certain age?
Speaker 2:And and it is true. You hear these these sayings, like, 40 is the new thirty, fifty is the new, or whatever. It could even go further back. But even then, like, who says that that that designation means anything anyways? And I I identify I'll share a little bit is that, basically, you know, I came through marketing technologies and software as an executive, usually my own companies as well, but I was always in the business world.
Speaker 2:And I had this personal challenge around alcohol, which then I started writing this journal that then turned into a book that then I decided I would publish. And then fast forward, here I am on the microphone with Sunnyside. But I completely made this one eighty. I said, I'm not doing that anymore. It doesn't bring me the fulfillment that I'm looking for in life, and this is actually making an impact, and it feels good.
Speaker 2:And and even if it's uncertain, I'm gonna go for it. I was fortunate enough to come from the startup world where high risk is kind of the name of the game. So I felt I I had a lot of preparation for making that transition that was a stark difference. But, yeah, I I just wanna say and share a little bit there that everything you say there, you know, I'm 45, gonna be 46, and doing something completely new the last eighteen months.
Speaker 3:And by the way, thank you. Because, like, the reason we're even talking, right, is that I'm such a fan of Sunnyside. So it's like you taking that risk, taking that chance, you know, and and going on to that next thing. I mean, the impact, the ripple effect just being incredible. So thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you. That touches my heart. It really does. I don't just say that.
Speaker 1:Okay. That wraps up part one of this conversation with Julie Ciardi. Thanks, Julie, for sharing these deeply personal insights on the journey to rediscovering your purpose. In the next episode, we'll pick up the conversation and go even deeper in where her story ended up. If today's episode resonated with you, head on over to sunnyside.co and take our quick quiz to explore how mindful choices can support your goals.
Speaker 1:Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at join sunny side. And if you love this conversation, hit subscribe and stay connected. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
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