Why Drinking Less Still Doesn’t Feel Like Enough
Welcome back to another one of these ten Minute Mondays. And today I want to start out with a text that I received last week. And they said they've been moderating for about three months. They've been tracking. They've been hitting their goals.
Speaker 1:They've been feeling better physically and you would think, you know, everything's going right. But then they also said, I don't know how to explain this, but something still feels off. And so I asked, what do you mean by that? And they said, like, everything that I'm doing is right, but it still feels like there's this thing that I'm managing all the time. And honestly, I thought I'd feel different by now, but I really don't.
Speaker 1:And the reason I want to do this episode is because that statement really didn't surprise me. Not only because I hear a version of this a lot, it's also something that I experienced in my own journey. And people do the work. They do the tracking, they do the moderation and they see improvements. But then sometimes underneath all of that, there's still this quiet sense that something is still missing.
Speaker 1:And so I want to talk about what I think is happening here. Most people approach moderation like it's a subtraction problem. You're drinking too much, so you're going to drink less. You set limits, you track it and you remove that excess. And for a lot of people, that is exactly what they need.
Speaker 1:They track, they moderate and it clicks. Done deal. But for others, it still feels like something is missing. They're doing everything right on paper, but it still feels like you're constantly managing something instead of living differently. And that's the key difference.
Speaker 1:You subtracted, but you didn't expand. And what I mean by that is, yes, you're drinking less, but you're not living more. And that's what makes this feel unsustainable. That's what it feels like when it's managed. And that's why it feels like something's missing.
Speaker 1:Because here is the uncomfortable truth. Alcohol does something real for us. And that's why many of us like to use it. It helps us transition out of work mode. It helps soften the edges after a hard day.
Speaker 1:It makes social situations much easier. And it signals that you're finally allowed to rest at the end of a day. And here's the thing, those aren't bad needs. Those are human needs. But here's what we need to understand is that when alcohol is doing all this work for us, trying to remove it without addressing those needs just kind of leaves us sitting with those needs unresolved and uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:So what that means is that the issue isn't only the drinks. It's everything else in your life that's maybe a little bit too little. There's not enough of it. And as I mentioned, I've been there. When I was making changes, things were going really well for a while.
Speaker 1:And then I noticed I was drinking more on Friday nights than I really wanted to. Not anything crazy, but just enough that my weekend mornings felt slower and I just didn't feel great about myself altogether. So I did what most people do. I started setting new limits, getting stricter with myself. And that worked for a while.
Speaker 1:But it felt like I was constantly holding something back. And what I eventually realized was this. I wasn't drinking because I loved the drinks. I was drinking because I was fried at the end of the day. That was my most exhausting day of the week and alcohol was the fastest way that I knew how to shift out of work mode into weekend mode.
Speaker 1:And so I was using alcohol as a tool to transition. And when I tried to remove that tool without building the actual transition that was sustainable, it always felt like a lot of work and like something was missing. So instead of only restricting the drinks, I started testing new ways to mark that shift, to get that transition. So on Friday afternoons, I started experimenting. I'd get outside without exception for at least twenty minutes before dinner.
Speaker 1:No phone, just walking, letting my brain decompress. I switched it up though. Some weeks I'd hit the sauna after work, even if it was just fifteen minutes. Same thing with breath work. And for me over time, I realized that was enough to get what I was seeking to get that transition.
Speaker 1:And then Saturday mornings, I'd get up and I'd ride before anything else. Not a huge ride. I'd just get movement before the day started pulling me in. And this reinforced what I was doing because not only did it give me a transition to the weekend, it also rewarded myself for the evening behaviors. And once those things were in place, honestly, the drinks stopped feeling so necessary in the evening because I was getting what I was seeking.
Speaker 1:I still, of course, had them sometimes, but they weren't doing the job that they once were. They were more optional. And that's what I mean by expansion. It's not about adding more rules. It's about building the things that make alcohol feel less necessary in the first place.
Speaker 1:So here's the shift. Instead of asking yourself, how do I drink less? Ask, what is alcohol doing for me in this exact moment that I usually reach for it? Not in general, not philosophically, just in that moment that you find the most difficult. Is it helping you shut off from work or relax your body or maybe feel more at ease when you're going to go out to a party or just, you know, mark the end of the day.
Speaker 1:That was the thing for me. Being an entrepreneur, I needed a way to get the off switch and that was my off switch, but I just needed to find a new off switch. So I want you to start by picking the most common moment when you drink and answer that question honestly. And then I'm going to challenge you. I want you to do this.
Speaker 1:For the next two weeks, build one non alcohol replacement for that exact moment. Something that plugs into where the drink usually goes. So if you usually pour a drink right after work, the experiment isn't, Hey, I'm going to drink less after work. It's instead, what do I do for fifteen minutes after work, before dinner, that's going to help me transition? And I'm not talking about picking up a hobby, unless you really want to.
Speaker 1:Those also are great alternatives. But I want it to fit into everyday life without a lot of challenge. That could be going for a simple walk or maybe a bike ride. It could just be sitting outside, reading, or even just lying on the floor in your living room and letting your nervous system come down to where you need it to be. Same time slot every day.
Speaker 1:And if you drink socially, the approach here is more about removing friction. You could do things like arrive early so that you're not walking into a room mid conversation where you feel like a little bit uneasy. Or maybe you could host instead of attending so that your focus is in a different place. Or if you drink at night to signal rest, ask yourself something honestly. Having this drink, am I actually resting or am I just numbing out?
Speaker 1:Because those are not the same thing. But it's really hard to recognize that because numbing feels like rest in the moment, but it doesn't restore you. Real rest does. So you need to build that in first. And then, and only then, notice what happens with the drinks.
Speaker 1:Don't force this change. Don't set more rules. Just observe whether the drink still feels necessary once that job that you're seeking is already being handled. And that's the experiment. And it seems so simple, but that is by design because simple new habits to find what we're actually seeking are the ones that we can integrate into our everyday lives where it feels sustainable.
Speaker 1:Now here's the uncomfortable part. If you really look at this, you might realize that drinks weren't actually the root of the problem. They were pointing to what was actually missing in your life. And filling that gap means building a life that you don't need to escape from. And that can be harder for some people than actually tracking drinks.
Speaker 1:But that odd missing feeling that's been tugging at you, it also can add exactly what you need because your life then is going to feel fuller and moderation stops being something that you feel like you have to manage so hard and just something that you track instead. That third or fourth drink just doesn't feel as necessary anymore as it once did. Not because you're necessarily restricting yourself, but because the first one or maybe two, that's enough. Because what you actually are seeking has already been filled and the drink is just something that you want and not something that you need to fill a gap. So if you take anything from this episode, take this.
Speaker 1:You just need to ask a question to yourself. What's missing that makes alcohol feel necessary? Start there. Build one thing. Pay attention to what happens.
Speaker 1:And my guess is that drinks will start to matter less. Again, I don't want you to force anything. I want you to look deeply inside yourself. What do you need? What is missing?
Speaker 1:Because once you find that, you realize that you no longer are asking alcohol to do that job it was never meant to do in the first place. And remember this: moderation isn't about drinking less. It's about living more. And when you get that right, the drinks and kind of everything else tend to take care of themselves. Okay.
Speaker 1:Thanks for hanging out with me today. If you got anything out of this episode, make sure to rate and review wherever you're listening to. Send me an email. Let me know how January went. Mikesunnyside dot co.
Speaker 1:And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
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