Why Boredom Makes You Want to Drink (And What to Do Instead)
Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and of course, your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Hartenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Hey, everyone.
Speaker 1:Welcome back. Today, I wanna talk about something that came up in our Sunnyside community recently. Someone posted, I'm doing great with not drinking when I'm stressed or anxious, but Thursday nights are killing me. I just get so bored and a glass of wine feels like the only thing that makes sense. Okay.
Speaker 1:So this one I can relate and in fact, I felt it to my core because boredom drinking is sneaky. It doesn't feel like a real trigger because nothing's wrong. And you're not upset. You're not celebrating. You're just existing.
Speaker 1:And somehow your brain decides that existing without stimulation requires alcohol. I talk about this all the time because some of my hardest drinking periods weren't during crisis moments. They were during the mundane stretches that kind of felt like Groundhog Day. So let's dig into what's actually happening here because the science behind boredom drinking is pretty fascinating. And once you've understood it, you can actually work with your brain instead of against it.
Speaker 1:Okay, first things first. Boredom isn't what we think it is. Most of us define it as, Hey, I have nothing to do. But neuroscientists have a completely different take on this. In fact, Doctor.
Speaker 1:Heather Lynch at Texas A and M studies what she calls the function of boredom. And here's what she found: Boredom actually is your brain's way of saying The current situation is not providing enough meaningful stimulation. We need to find something better. It's not passive, it's active. Your brain is literally scanning for more engaging alternatives.
Speaker 1:And when you genuinely are understimulated, your brain starts looking for the fastest way to change your neurochemical state. And to no surprise, alcohol? That's like the express lane. Think about what happens when you have that drink when you're bored. Within about ten-fifteen minutes, you get a dopamine hit.
Speaker 1:Your GABA system calms down that restless feeling and then suddenly, whatever you're doing feels more engaging than it actually is. What happens is that your brain learns this pattern: Bored feelings equals wine time, which then equals problem solved. Except it's not actually solved. You're just chemically okay with being understimulated. And I'd like to share a little bit here and be personal because this was a huge thing for me.
Speaker 1:I realized that some of my hardest drinking periods wasn't what happened when I was stressed or sad, as I mentioned. It was actually happening because I felt like I needed to be doing something just because maybe it was the weekend or Friday night or that I didn't have anything planned the next morning. So what could I get away with while I'm bored? I can do whatever I want. And so for that reason, boredom was a major driver for me.
Speaker 1:And here's where we get tricked because alcohol feels like the perfect boredom solution. You pour a drink and then suddenly something's happening. There's taste. There's ritual. There's that warm feeling.
Speaker 1:Your brain's like, oh, this feels good. And then all of a sudden, you're not bored anymore. And this is what got me sucked in. I would feel like I had to be doing something all the time. And if there wasn't anything going on, going out, getting a bottle of wine would make me feel like I was doing something.
Speaker 1:Except I was basically training myself when boredom shows up, drinks show up. And over and over until it actually became automatic and that made it really hard to break. But here's what gets me. You're not actually listening to what the boredom is trying to tell you. Maybe it's actually saying you need to connect with somebody or move your body or create something.
Speaker 1:But instead of listening, we're turning down the volume. It's like your smoke alarm went off, and then all of a sudden, instead of checking for the fire, you just pull out the batteries because you don't wanna hear it anymore. So here's what I think is really happening. We're living in this weird time where we're both overstimulated and understimulated. And there's actual research behind this by Doctor.
Speaker 1:Manush Zamorodi that shows that when people are chronically understimulated, they start seeking what she calls easy dopamine. Things that give you a quick neurochemical reward without requiring much effort. Things like alcohol, obviously, but also shopping, eating, scrolling. But here's where it gets a little bit tricky when it comes to alcohol. When you drink, you're getting these unnatural dopamine spikes that make whatever you're doing feel more interesting and fun than it actually is.
Speaker 1:Can you think back to maybe going to a bar that you had tons of fun sitting at for hours? And then all of a sudden, you go back with your friends and you're having a NA beer and you're like, you know what? This actually isn't that much fun. Or maybe certain Netflix shows that seem hilarious with a bottle of wine, but really aren't that great. The problem is your brain adapts to those artificial spikes.
Speaker 1:So on nights when you don't drink, you become more sensitive to boredom. Even things that bring you joy normally might feel flat compared to those enhanced experiences. And your brain knows exactly what always solves that problem: alcohol. So you end up in this cycle where even meaningful activities might start feeling hard, boring, and stimulating, and alcohol becomes the only thing that makes those regular things feel worth experiencing. Alright, Mike.
Speaker 1:I get it. You know, I know all of this now. So what do I actually do when that Thursday night boredom does come around? So first of all, understand that your brain is giving you real information. That restless feeling isn't random.
Speaker 1:It's actually telling you that you need engagement. The mistake isn't having the feeling, it's trying to satisfy it with something that can't actually deliver what you need. So here's what I figured out during my own journey. I started to do what I call boredom experiments. So instead of fighting that feeling, immediately trying to fix it, I'd ask myself, what am I actually craving right now?
Speaker 1:Sometimes it was intellectual. I was craving maybe learning something new or trying something new. Sometimes it was physical. Like, I hadn't moved my body enough that day. Or even if I had, I needed to do it more.
Speaker 1:Sometimes and oftentimes it was social. You know, maybe I didn't spend enough time with others. And then sometimes it was creative. I just I hadn't created something in a while that I could look at and feel good about. But here's the key.
Speaker 1:These experiments, they have to be immediate and accessible. It's not something that you're going to do in the future to cover your boredom. Let's say creative is what you're craving. It shouldn't be like, I'm going to take a painting. But instead, it should be like, let me watch this YouTube video on something that I'm curious about, or even just grabbing a pen and a paper and creating something in that way, just with a doodle.
Speaker 1:It should be if you're craving connection, you know, don't worry about organizing this get together. Pick up the phone. Call a friend that you haven't talked to. Maybe it's just texting or sending a voice memo. Maybe it's just filling time.
Speaker 1:Let me organize a drawer in my kitchen, that junk drawer that I've been looking at and saying, I gotta do something about this, while maybe listening to music to lift your mood up. The goal isn't to find your life's passion on, say, a Thursday night. It's to give your brain a different kind of stimulation than alcohol would provide. Now I want to mention one more thing. It's okay to be bored as long as you give yourself permission.
Speaker 1:That feeling where you're uncomfortable and restless, if you give into that, it starts to kind of wash away. And you could just lay back. I have the hardest time with this, by the way, to give myself permission to be bored. Because I'm that kind of person that, oh, it's a Saturday. You know, it's the middle of the day.
Speaker 1:I should be doing something. But sometimes it's okay to just not be doing something. So just remember that you have two options. You can fill that space when it feels right. And sometimes you can just say to yourself, I'm gonna be bored.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna sit here and do nothing, and I'm gonna be alright with that. Since you're listening to this podcast and you're looking for strategies, not just mindset, I'm going to leave you with a strategy. When you get that urge to drink, commit to doing something else for just ten minutes. But this is crucial. It has to be something that engages a different part of your brain than whatever else you were just doing.
Speaker 1:So if you've been scrolling on your phone, doing something physical. If you've been sitting all day long, do something with your hands. If you've been alone all evening, reach out to somebody, pick up the phone, do something that creates that connection. The ten minutes isn't magic. What is magic is that you're training your brain that boredom can lead to different outcomes than you've been doing with alcohol.
Speaker 1:And you're creating new neural pathways between I'm understimulated or I'm bored and let me try this one other thing. And honestly, sometimes after that ten minutes, you might still want a drink. And that's okay. But you've given your brain evidence that there are other options and that changes the equation over time. And let me just say, look, I'm not going to pretend that all these techniques will eliminate every boredom drinking urge that you may have.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you're genuinely just tired, you just want to relax with a glass of wine, and that can be totally fine depending on what your goal is. But what I've seen in our community is that when people understand what boredom actually is signaling, they make different choices. They stop seeing it as the enemy to be eliminated, and they start seeing it as information about what they need. And I always say that the goal isn't never to feel bored, it's to have better responses when you do because boredom isn't going anywhere. It's actually a sign of a healthy brain that wants engagement and meaning.
Speaker 1:So the question is, what are you going to do to feed that brain when yours asks for more? So try the ten minute rule this week. See what happens. Let me know how it goes. Again, if you've ever gotten anything out of these podcasts, it would mean the world to me if could rate and review us wherever you're listening.
Speaker 1:I hope you have a beautiful week, and cheers to your mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial.
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