What Your Kids Really Think About Your Drinking (And Why It Matters)
Welcome to Journey to the Sunny Side, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and, of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunny Side, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Hey, everyone.
Mike:Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside. I'm Mike Hardenbrook. And on this ten minute Monday, I wanna talk about something that's pretty common in parenting, but not always discussed, and that is drinking around our kids. So a Parents Magazine article titled, parents are drinking more regularly around their kids, does it matter? It got me thinking.
Mike:We often see drinking as normal, whether it's a beer watching the game or wine with friends, But the question is, do our kids notice? And, yeah, they do. And what are they taking away from it, I think is the greater question. So I'm gonna summarize the key takeaways from this article, and then I'm gonna share my own perspective as a dad. No judgment here.
Mike:Just something to think about. And the only qualification I have is being a dad. So let's get into this. So here are the key takeaways and what stood out from this article. Number one is many parents drink regularly around their kids, and the parent survey found that fifty two percent of moms do this, and nearly half has been tipsy or drunk in front of their children.
Mike:Number two is kids are more aware than we think. Even if they're just having a drink or two, research suggests that children pick up on our behaviors and attitudes around alcohol. I mean, this is for sure. Kids are just a sponge. Even when you think they're not looking, they're absorbing it.
Mike:Cultural normalization plays a role. So the whole mommy wine and, you know, dad beer culture makes alcohol seem more like a normal part of of parenting, and sometimes it's even a necessity for stress relief. And then the final point was not all parents see drinking as an issue. And most surveyed said that their drinking doesn't affect their parenting. But the article does raise the question, are we really aware of the message that we're sending to our kids?
Mike:So this was a good article. It it didn't take a hard stance one way or the other. It just basically was matter of fact and presented the information. So now I'm gonna offer a little bit of opinion and commentary, and I am no parenting expert. As I mentioned, I do have three kids.
Mike:I have a five year old, an 11 year old, and a 13 year old. So I do have that to think about and but that's the extent of my qualifications. So here's my takeaway and opinion around this article. And what matters much more isn't whether or not we drink alcohol around our kids, but much more importantly, how we are seen using alcohol around our kids. So I'm gonna explain this a little bit.
Mike:So number one is what role does alcohol play in the house? Is there no celebration without it? Like, every single family function, party, wherever it is, every milestone, every gathering includes alcohol. Because if it is, kids are gonna learn associating drinking with fun and relaxation. And when you separate the two, there's potential, like, it's not as good to celebrate without it.
Mike:Number two would be, is it a coping mechanism in the house? Like, do you walk in and say it's been a stressful day? I need a drink. That teaches our kids that alcohol equals stress relief. And the solution to our problems is opening wine, cracking a beer, or pouring a drink.
Mike:And then another commentary to this is that, is it part of your routine? Like, does dad always walk in, go straight for the fridge, and grab a beer after work? Is mom anytime she's with her friends having wine? And if that becomes normal and part of a routine, that might be something that we need to think about as far as the message that it's sending to our kids. The next point I wanna talk on is how do we act when we drink?
Mike:Because kids are gonna pick up on this. And if they can tell something like, you know, mom must be drinking. She's being a little bit goofy tonight, or maybe dad's drinking and he's getting a little short-tempered. That might be a sign to step back and reevaluate the relationship with alcohol around the kids. So, obviously, I am not demonizing alcohol.
Mike:I'm not putting any judgment on anybody that drinks in the house. But I do think it's important that our kids see us using alcohol with intentionality, with mindfulness, and not as a way to escape stress or emotions. But enough about my opinion. What does the research say? So let's dig into some studies that don't focus necessarily on addiction, but rather on general drinking habits in families.
Mike:So one is parental attitudes shape kids' drinking habits. So studies show that kids whose parents talk openly around alcohol and set clear expectations tend to delay drinking and make safer choices later in life. Kids also notice changes in behavior. A UK study found that children of moderate drinkers, even those who only drink occasionally, still reported feeling uneasy when their parents acted differently under the influence. And then providing alcohol to kids is not protective.
Mike:Some parents think that letting their kids drink in a controlled setting helps them to learn to drink responsibly, but the research suggests it's actually the risk of binge drinking later down the line. This one, this is a hard one, honestly, because us as parents, we wanna keep them close, and we're saying to ourselves basically, hey. They're gonna drink. We might as well do it in a setting where I can have some control. But, obviously, the research shows otherwise.
Mike:I mean, none of this is law, but this is something I've definitely thought about myself. And the takeaway is open conversations, leading by example, and showing responsible drinking behaviors have a bigger impact than we might realize. So how do parents approach alcohol? So what can we do? Well, there's a few things that we can keep in mind.
Mike:So first is modeling intentional drinking or mindful drinking. If I have a drink, I want my kids to see that it's a choice. It's not a reflex from stress or some other emotion. Number two is communicating honestly. If they ask about alcohol, I don't hype it up and make it taboo.
Mike:My response is usually, you're not missing anything. One day, if you do choose to drink, that's fine. But honestly, you're really not missing anything. So if you decide that you wanna skip it, take my word for it. I I don't make a big deal out of it, but I don't need to go into all the details.
Mike:But the truth is, honestly, if my kids decide not to drink, I personally believe that they aren't missing anything. Number three is avoiding the right of passage mentality. So I don't want my kids thinking that drinking is some milestone in their lifetime to be reached as an adult. And this was the case in my generation, and anybody that's my age, I'm 46, or older knows that we have a few milestones in life. When you turn 18 well, 16 when you get the license, 18 isn't, quote, unquote, adult, and then 21 is your right of passage.
Mike:You can now drink your part of the club. And I really don't want to set that as a milestone in my kid's life. Number four is teaching them what's risky. So just like we educate our kids about healthy eating and finance and safety, I I think it's important that they understand alcohol's effects and where things can get into dangerous territory. I mean, I think about this all the time.
Mike:When I was 18 and going out, I had no education around alcohol. And so because of that, all I did was go out and drink as much as I could in the short amount of period that I could and come home. And this continued into college and beyond. I never really had somebody sit down with me and give me instruction. I mean, I sometimes think about the comparison to a car driver's ed.
Mike:Without that instruction, it could be dangerous. A vehicle could cause a lot of danger. But same with alcohol. If we got a little instruction ahead of time on, you know, this is how you approach it. This is when you're in dangerous territory, and here's how to change gears if you find yourself there.
Mike:And I think that that could go a long way at the appropriate time, at the appropriate age, depending on your kids. So it's my opinion over communication is better than under communication when it comes to parenting and talking to your kids. And at the end of the day, the best way to teach them is by example because kids absorb everything that they see. So So I'm gonna close it out there. And with a final thought and question to myself is, do I think drinking around our kids is bad?
Mike:In general, I would say no. But how we use alcohol and what message that we send to them, that is worth thinking about. That's where that no could turn into a yes if we don't have those priorities in the right place. So what do you think? Have you ever considered how your kids perceive your drinking habits?
Mike:Let me know. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this ten minute episode. I'd also love to know any strategies maybe that you've tried at home or thoughts that you've gone through. Mike at sunnyside dot co. Thanks for hanging out with me today.
Mike:I hope you have a wonderful alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free 15 trial.
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