What Happens When You Take 90 Days Off?
Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and of course, your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hartenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast and habit change expert. Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside.
Speaker 1:I'm Mike Hartenbrook. And on this ten minute Monday, I wanna talk about something that honestly changed everything for me many years ago, and that is taking an extended break. More specifically, taking a ninety day break. Now I know that ninety days might sound like a big ask, but I want you to hear me out because what you get in return is far bigger than this hurdle that it looks to be. So let's start with this.
Speaker 1:Think about how long you've been drinking. Has it been years? It's probably been more likely decades. And in context, for your entire life, ninety days, honestly, is it's kinda nothing. It's not even a full season.
Speaker 1:But when it comes to alcohol, for some reason, to all of us, it sounds huge. But I wanna kind of flip the script. If someone told you that you could build a business, for example, or maybe change your careers or get in the best shape of your life in ninety days, you'd probably think that, you know what? I don't think that that's enough time. But when it comes to alcohol, our minds go the other direction, and suddenly, ninety days feels like a really long time.
Speaker 1:Now why is that? Well, first of all, we assume it's gonna be hard. Maybe we've never done it before. Maybe you've tried thirty days once and it was really challenging. And now you think that ninety days is gonna be three times harder.
Speaker 1:But here's what most people don't realize. It actually gets easier with time. So the first thirty days, I'm gonna be honest, it's gonna feel like you're climbing uphill. The next thirty days, you're gonna start hitting your stride. In the last thirty days, that's where the magic happens, and it really starts to kick in.
Speaker 1:So you're gonna start sleeping better. You're gonna feel better about yourself. You're gonna think clear, fewer cravings. Just gonna feel confident. You're gonna feel strong, and you're not gonna feel deprived at that stage.
Speaker 1:So you don't need to decide what comes afterwards on this experiment. You just need to be curious enough to find out what does ninety days actually do for me? And here's one more misconception. It doesn't have to be this long countdown from 90 to zero. You can actually break it up in these little mini sprints, and I wrote about this in my book.
Speaker 1:You can do a week at a time. Each week, you get stronger. It's actually incremental. It's not gonna be a level improvement or a level struggle the entire time. And once you see that, you're gonna start to see the benefits.
Speaker 1:They're gonna start stacking up and making it easier. So now let's shift a little bit. Let's talk about why the ninety days is actually a number that matters. So in my book, no willpower required, I explained that drinking isn't just a habit. It's actually a loop.
Speaker 1:You feel a certain emotion or a trigger in your brain. It sends that urge. You reach for that drink, and you get the reward. Now that loop reinforces over time, and then it becomes automatic where many people are with their drinking. So most people think that they can break that loop with willpower, with strength.
Speaker 1:But the truth is that willpower actually doesn't rewire your brain. It's consistency that does that. And I talk about that a lot and why Sunnyside works so well. You consistently change your habits over time, and they will stick. Now a lot of people have probably read a book or maybe heard this idea that it takes about twenty one to thirty one days to form a new habit.
Speaker 1:However, that number can be misleading, and it's not really rooted in science. And it actually started from a lot of these self help books. And in my opinion, I think a lot of it has to do with the marketing because asking somebody to take ninety days when they pick up the book, they're just gonna say, that's too hard. I can't do that. But twenty one days or thirty days, that seems a lot more doable.
Speaker 1:However, there also were some attempts at making rational reasoning behind these days. Now some of these beliefs actually come from a book that was written in the nineteen sixties by a plastic surgeon, where he noticed that his patients often took about twenty one days to adjust to their new appearance after surgery. And I'm talking about major surgeries where they look different or limb was removed. And he wrote that it took about twenty one days to form a new self image. And over time, a lot of people actually took this to mean that you can form a new habit, any new habit in twenty one days.
Speaker 1:But that's actually not what he said, and that's not really what's backed in the science. Now there's a more recent popular study, and you may have heard of this one, and it was done in 02/2009 by doctor Lally and her team at the University College of London, and they found that it takes an average of sixty six days to form a new habit, and it can go all the way up to two hundred and fifty four days. It's actually a range between eighteen and two hundred and fifty four days depending on the complexity of the habit. Of course, two hundred fifty four is more complex. It's also down to the individual level.
Speaker 1:We aren't all the same. And drinking, well, that's more of a complex habit. It's not just a behavior. It actually has emotional, social, and stress relief tied to it, even our identities and how we connect and how we unwind. So it makes sense that it actually takes more time to change that.
Speaker 1:So here's something really important from that study if you're still thinking, you know what, ninety days is way long. Missing a day didn't significantly impact habit formation. What mattered most actually was the consistency over time, not the perfect record. So that said though, I want to be clear. Don't go into this ninety day experiment if you're interested planning to slip up.
Speaker 1:I want you to take it serious. I want you to challenge yourself. I want you to give it everything that you've got, but also realizing that you're human. And sometimes, maybe on day 40 or 50, you slip up. That doesn't mean that you ruined it all.
Speaker 1:That doesn't mean that you go back to zero. It means that you get to learn from it, reflect, and reconnect with your why, and pick up and keep going. Because you can still reach that ninety days, and you can still get every single benefit that we're talking about. Now look. I'm not knocking the thirty day breaks.
Speaker 1:Those are a great start, but I wanna explain why they often fall short. So in the book, I describe thirty days as kinda like tapping the brakes on a moving car. You get to feel a little bit better and more in control, and you get some quick wins. You might start to sleep better. You might lose a little weight.
Speaker 1:You might feel like your mood's more level. You have less anxiety. However, that engine, it's still running underneath it all. You haven't rebuilt the entire system. You just kinda paused it.
Speaker 1:You hit a pause for a little bit. And I call this the detox trap. So you start feeling better. You assume that you've kind of reset and fixed it all. But the deeper rewiring, the part that says, I deserve this.
Speaker 1:I can relax without this, that hasn't gone away. It's still kinda underneath the surface. So when you go back to drinking, the loop sorta just picks up right where it was. And ninety days instead gives you more time to stop that momentum, rewire the pattern, and rebuild trust with yourself because it becomes who you are, and that makes a huge difference. Now enough about why and kinda setting this foundation.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about what actually happens phase by phase in a ninety day break. So week one and two, you might feel a little bit off, craving spike. Your sleep might actually get worse before it gets better, and that's totally normal. A lot of people get off put by when that happens, but it's actually your body detoxing. Your nervous system is adjusting and trying to get back to home ostasis.
Speaker 1:Now, week three and four, your sleep might start to improve. Your mood is starting to level out. Your mind is feeling clearer. Definitely your urges are starting to go down and you're noticing little things like your energy, maybe dealing with situations with more patients, and even maybe your digestion. Now day thirty to sixty, a lot of people don't even get to this because usually it's a thirty day break.
Speaker 1:This is kinda like where you actually start to hit your strive. Your cravings continue to drop. You build new routines. You're not just avoiding the alcohol. You're actually starting to live differently, change your habits, and people around you might even start to take notice.
Speaker 1:And then day sixty to 90. By the way, day thirty to 60 starts to really get on cruise control, and it really hits the gas at 60 to 90. This is really the magic moment. The alcohol isn't your default. You feel clearer.
Speaker 1:You feel more confident. You feel more grounded. Like, you're really noticing things. It's a really neat phase. And you're not trying to avoid something.
Speaker 1:You're actually choosing things that are bringing you enjoyment. And it's all about aligning to where you want to be, and you're actually getting to it, and you're feeling confident. So at this point, if you're still with me and this sounds really interesting and something you might wanna try, let's talk about how you actually approach this with a plan and get the most out of it. So number one, it is having a plan. You don't wanna wing it.
Speaker 1:You wanna know your triggers. If you're here hanging out on the podcast, this is something that you're already thinking about. If your Friday nights are gonna be tough, you wanna plan ahead of time. Maybe you wanna have some ritual instead to replace it, and structure removes friction. So that said, having a plan, well, what is that?
Speaker 1:Well, number two is use what I call the if then planning. So if somebody invites you to drink, then maybe I'm gonna suggest that we go to lunch instead. If I feel overwhelmed at work, then I'm gonna go outside for a ten or fifteen minute walk. These preloaded decisions, they take the pressure off and they give you an answer in the moment without having to think. Number three is track how you feel.
Speaker 1:You don't need to go full journal on this, but it does go a lot every single morning if you start to take notice of it and write it down. Just write down what you're noticing, how you're improving, how's your mood, your energy, and you're gonna be amazed as it starts getting in a positive light, how much that helps in bringing that awareness to your momentum. Number four is have tools ready for your cravings. Don't wait until you're overwhelmed. Use things like urge surfing.
Speaker 1:You can use short breath work exercise. You can go for a walk. You can go for a workout. You can call a friend. Move your body.
Speaker 1:Whatever it is, just have a plan to be ready for when those hit. Number five is accountability. You know, support goes a long way. If you're using the app in Sunnyside, you have the community in there. There are many people that are using Sunnyside to take these extended breaks.
Speaker 1:And just even knowing one person or getting some excitement or accountability, those are gonna go a long way. Number six is celebrate milestones. Ninety days is not the only milestone to celebrate. Day three counts, so does day 10, your first Friday night. Those are wins that stack up.
Speaker 1:They help rewire your brain and move you into an identity that is associating this with something that's positive. And then number seven is reflect at the end. Don't just come out of the gates like, did it. Now I'm just gonna go off and be mindless about it. You know, when you hit that ninety days, don't just move on.
Speaker 1:Look back. What changed? What worked for me? What surprised me? And then ask yourself, really, do I wanna keep this going?
Speaker 1:And instead, if that's not the case, how do I wanna reintroduce things so that I am aligned to the goals that I want for long term? You've built a foundation to be able to do that. You've really hit the reset button here with the ninety days. I always suggest writing a letter to your future self. Imagine who you could become if you continue on this path, or if another version of that exists, what does that look like?
Speaker 1:How does that play out? So I'll leave you with this. If you're thinking about making this change, make it real. Don't just test the waters. Commit to it.
Speaker 1:Give yourself the ninety days, not because it's magic, but because it gives your body and your brain the time to heal, to adapt, to shift for the long term. And also believe in yourself that you are capable of this. You don't need to be perfect the whole ninety days, although that is what you wanna strive for. You just need to be consistent and have a plan. And so if you've ever been wondering what it feels like to get a full reset, the ninety days is going to show you that.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening with me today. I hope you have a beautiful week, and cheers to your mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform, having helped hundreds of thousands of people cut out more than 13,000,000 drinks since 2020. And in fact, an independent study showed that Sunnyside reduced alcohol consumption by an average of 30% in ninety days. And as one of our members shared, Sunnyside helps me stay mindful of my drinking habits.
Speaker 1:It's not super restrictive. So if I'm craving a glass of wine with dinner, I just track it and I move on with my week. If you could benefit from drinking a bit less and being more mindful of when and how much you drink, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. You'll get access to everything that we offer, including tracking and planning tools, coaching from our experts, a vibrant community of people just like you, and the motivation and advice to stay on track with your health goals, all with no pressure to quit. That's sunnyside.co.
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