Journey to the Sunnyside

Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living,

and of course, your own mindful drinking journey.

This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hartenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast and habit change expert.

Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside. I'm Mike Hartenbrook, and on this ten minute Monday, I'm going to one of you, the listeners, because I received an email that really made me pause, not just because of what she said, but more how she said it. Because often we talk about how many drinks we're gonna have, dry days, weekly targets. And while that's helpful, it's only part of the picture because sometimes it's not about how much you drink, it's about why. And we talk about that often.

And even more importantly, whether that reason fits with who you want to be. This listener shared something powerful. So tracking did help her, but what really shifted things was asking, does using alcohol in this way align with my values? So I'm going to quote her. Sometimes I felt proud that I had no drinks and then other times I didn't feel good, even though I technically stayed dry.

And that's such an important insight because if we focus only on the number, we might miss what really matters, whether our behavior matches our deeper values. So here's what she said she did. She made two lists. One aligned with her values. So for example, sharing a glass of wine with her husband over dinner, that aligned with her values.

Trying a new cocktail recipe together, that aligned with her values. And then she made a list not aligned. So drinking alone to pass the time, grabbing a drink out of reflex at a pool or work event, or drinking just to keep up socially. So those things didn't align. And that simple act of naming what felt good and what didn't gave her clarity.

It wasn't about drinking less by force. It was about drinking less by choice and what aligned. And this idea, using values as a filter, is more than just a helpful mindset. It's actually backed by psychology. And there's a concept called self concordance.

And it's basically saying when your actions align with your personal values, you're more likely to stick with them and more likely to feel good while doing it. In one study, people pursuing self concordant goals were forty two percent more likely to maintain long term behavior change. Not because they had more discipline, but because the change meant something to them. Now compare that to controlled motivation, where you're doing something out of guilt, out of pressure, shame, or maybe even comparison. And that kind of motivation, it actually burns out.

That's why people crash after things like Dry January or feel frustrated doing the moderation because they're doing it for external reasons, not internal alignment. And this also is the foundation of something called motivational interviewing. It's a method used by therapists, doctors, coaches to help people change, but not by telling them what to do. Instead, it helps people to connect for their own reasons for change. It builds on the question like, why do I want to drink less in the first place?

Or how does this fit in with the life that I actually want to live? And the magic doesn't come from the rules. It actually comes from the clarity of asking those questions to yourself. So let's bring this into real life. Picture this.

It's Friday night. The kids are finally down. You walk into the kitchen and out of habit. You go reach for a drink. But this time, instead of asking, do I deserve this?

You ask, does this feel aligned with who I want to be right now? And it's a small pause, but that one second out of curiosity might change how you actually act and align to who you want to be. So here's your challenge for this week. Don't just track your drinks. That's important, of course.

Tracking and planning is the foundation. But also track your why. And I urge you to make two lists. Grab your journal, your notes on your phone, whatever you use and will be able to review later. And ask yourself and write down two lists.

Ways I drink that align with who I want to be. And if you're thinking, I'm not even sure what my values are. Well, first of all, that's okay. But here's a starting point. What kind of experiences make you feel most you?

Where you want to be proud of how you show up? Who do you want to be in the moments that matter? And that's where your values actually live. Then when you are in that decision moment, pause and ask, is this aligned? And you might be surprised at how fast things shift just by being aware of what that is.

And here's the beautiful part. When you know your why and it's clear, the how is much more easier and somewhat takes care of itself. So you're not really forcing it. You're not shaming yourself. You just have intention and clarity.

Alright. That's it for today's Ten Minute Monday. Big thanks again to the listener who shared this. And if you've had any insights or shifts in your own journey, please feel free to send them my way, mike@sunnyside.co. And remember, you don't have to be perfect, but if you keep asking your why and aligning your choices with your values, you'll keep moving in the right direction.

I hope you have a beautiful week and thanks for hanging out with me today. Cheers to your mindful drinking journey.

This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial.