Should You Quit or Cut Back?
Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living,
Speaker 2:and of course, your own mindful drinking journey.
Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hartenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert.
Speaker 2:Hey there and welcome back to Journeys to the Sunny Side. I'm Mike Hartenbrook. And today I want to talk about something that a lot of us wrestle with at some point in this path, and that is asking ourselves, should I quit drinking forever? Or maybe I should just start cutting back? Is abstinence the best path or is moderation okay?
Speaker 2:And these questions, well, they can feel like big questions. They can well up and feel pretty heavy, like we have to have the answer for them, and they can actually make us freeze from moving forward. So here's what I want to offer today. You don't have to figure it all out right now, today. Your goal can change, and that's not failure, that's not lack of commitment, that's actually moving forward towards throat.
Speaker 2:But first, let's address why we want these clear answers so badly. So let's start with this. We all want certainty. It's wired into our brains, especially when we're making big changes towards something like our drinking. A behavior that's actually tied to our identity, to our routine, and even how we self soothe.
Speaker 2:Behavioral sciences show that we tend to prefer clear rules, even when those rules are overly rigid. Because when we have ambiguous goals, they can sometimes trigger a little bit of anxiety in us. And in one study published in Cognitive Therapy and Research, participants who were given flexible goals actually reported more success and lower guilt than those with the strict rules of black and white goals. So while it does make sense to most of us to say, you know, should I quit forever? What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2:It feels like this clean solution. However, the science says otherwise, because for most people, especially people that, what I call are in the middle, it's not always that simple. So instead of trying to force this idea or this forever decision, I want you to ask better questions like what feels right to me right now? What goal supports who I am trying to be? So in answering those, you might think to yourself, you know what, taking a break or abstinence, that feels right to me right now.
Speaker 2:Maybe moderation feels more realistic. Maybe you're not really sure yet. And that's also okay because none of those answers are wrong and more importantly, you don't have to lock it in forever. So let me give you a couple scenarios of how this could play out, not having these forever rigid rules. So for example, let's talk about Jamie.
Speaker 2:Jamie went alcohol free for one hundred days. She didn't plan on forever, but after three months, she felt more clear, more centered than she has in years. And she kept it going, not because she had to, but because after that first commitment, she just felt so good that wanted to keep going. Now let's take Ben, for example. He started a few dry weekends.
Speaker 2:After a couple months, he noticed that when he did drink, he wanted to be more intentional. So he actually adjusted his plan. He decided he was going to do fewer drinks. He was going to pace more, no more automatic refills, not sober, but far more in control. Then we have Rachel, for example, who did thirty days and then she tried to reintroduce drinks more socially and it just didn't feel right.
Speaker 2:So she actually decided, you know what, I'm going go back because abstinence was easier for me, not as a punishment, but kind of as a reset while she's still figuring it out long term. And that's okay also. So what do all these people have in common? They didn't wait for a perfect solution to be figured out. They just started right now and then they adjusted over time.
Speaker 2:And that's how change sticks, not with pressure, but with permission. Now let's talk about something I say all the time. It isn't about willpower, it's about alignment. The goal isn't to prove how strong you are, the goal is to feel more like you. So when you first started shifting your drinking, maybe you had no idea what the end goal was.
Speaker 2:And trying to answer that too early, that might be stressing you out. So when I first started shifting my drinking, I had no idea what the end goal was. Know, I just started, hey, I'm going to do this thirty day challenge, then turned to 60, then it turned to 90. And every single milestone that I was hitting, was changing. I was reassessing.
Speaker 2:I was going off what felt right. And trying to answer that too early just kind of stressed me out. It was too rigid, too strong for me to say, hey, this is what I'm doing forever. But what helped was giving myself permission to set a goal and that goal could keep moving. So something like right now, I'm choosing to go alcohol free for thirty days just because I want to sleep better.
Speaker 2:I want to think clearer. I want to connect with my mornings. And I mentioned that all the time. My mornings are so important to me. And then I said to myself, you know what?
Speaker 2:However that goes, I'm going to reassess and see where I go next. So when I approached it in that way, the pressure really came off. It had that experiment feel to it. I wasn't locking myself into a future that I wasn't really ready to commit to. I was just building trust with myself in the present.
Speaker 2:So again, it's about progress, not perfection. So whether your goal is full abstinence, whether it's moderation or just some more awareness, what matters most is that your habits are moving forward towards what you want, whether it's better sleep, clearer mornings, fewer regrets, more present, better health, real energy throughout the day. And those are all solid goals to work towards. And that's why Sunnyside works so well. It's not built around one rigid outcome.
Speaker 2:It's built around support for your current goals wherever you are. There is no finish line to cross. There's just you paying attention, being mindful and making moves that align to who you want to become. So here's my challenge to you this week. None of these are mind blowing because this actually doesn't need to be as difficult as we build up in our mind.
Speaker 2:There's no exact science to this. There's just taking a mindful, positive approach, having awareness about where you are and where you want to go. So here's my simple prompt for you to think about. Right now, my goal is blank because I want to feel blank. And then I'm going to reassess after blank days.
Speaker 2:There's no right answer. Just whatever feels right. No pressure, no permanence, just presence. So again, success isn't the finish line. It's a direction and every step towards feeling more like yourself.
Speaker 2:Well, that means you're winning. Okay, that's it for today. I hope you have a beautiful week. I hope you had a wonderful Easter and talk to you soon. Until then, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial.
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