Navigating Mom Health, Alcohol, and Stigmas w/ Haley Roos
Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside. I'm Mike Hartenbrook, and today we're continuing the conversation with Hayley Roose. Hayley is a fat loss coach, wellness advocate and creator of redefined mama. After experiencing the life altering challenges of postpartum insomnia, she took charge of her health and redefined what wellness looks like for moms. And now she's helping women across the globe prioritize their health and happiness while breaking down the stigmas around postpartum struggles and alcohol.
Speaker 1:In this segment, we'll explore her personal journey, how alcohol factored in, and the lessons she's sharing with moms everywhere. Okay. Today I'm here with Hayley Roose. Hayley, thanks for coming on.
Speaker 2:Hi. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:All right. Today I'm going to be a little bit of the explorer, the learner, the beginner, because we're talking about something and that is issues and difficulties that moms experience, including postpartum insomnia and postpartum anxiety and depression, and just many other struggles. And although I'm a dad and I try to be as supportive as I can, there are just some things that I have to listen and learn the best I can. So I think this is going to be a great episode for myself and for any men listening and of course for moms that are listening right now. Let's jump into this.
Speaker 1:Can you share, Hayley, your experience with things like postpartum insomnia and how it impacted your overall health and well-being?
Speaker 2:Yes. Okay. So this message is just so important to me because when I was going through it, I was completely unaware of what was happening to my body. I thought I was going crazy. And I was an experienced mom.
Speaker 2:So I had three babies essentially back to back, and each postpartum experience was different, which I think moms need to know that, that just like any pregnancy isn't going to be the same, every postpartum experience isn't going to be the same. So it wasn't until I was eleven months postpartum with my third baby. So I thought I was in the clear. I was still breastfeeding, but I started weaning because she was starting eating solids, it felt like a natural progression. And again, I had done this with my other two, like I knew what to expect, or thought I knew what to expect.
Speaker 2:And as I was weaning from breastfeeding, I stopped sleeping. And it wasn't just one sleepless night, but it turned into two. And then it started just night after night after night, where I would not fall asleep until like four or five in the morning. And as any mom knows, I had kids screaming and waking up around 06:37. So I was getting one to three hours of sleep at most every single night.
Speaker 2:And it was just getting worse and worse. And a part of me didn't, you know, had heard about postpartum anxiety. Everyone tells you about post partum depression and what signs to look for and like, what's a baby blue, which is, you know, just a normal hormonal change where you'd feel sad, versus postpartum depression where you have these, like, you know, could have suicidal ideations or, you know, be completely depressed and not wanting to be a present mother. So you knew kind of these extremes to look for. But I had never heard about suffering from insomnia because of your hormones.
Speaker 2:So I wasn't sure if it was my anxiety causing my insomnia, or my insomnia perpetuating my anxiety. It was like I had both going on. And I got to a point where I went It ended up being nine weeks of these sleepless nights. And so I was having panic, insane panic attacks. And I got to a point where I was Googling, like, how long will I live before sleep deprivation kills me?
Speaker 2:Like, it felt like, you know, and I had never really experienced mental health issues prior to this. And it felt like, you know, it was kind of like a tangible thing that was it felt like it was attacking my brain, and I was not able to rationalize or, like, be a normal human. And I started having suffering from mental health, like depression, because I was not sleeping. And I remember, like, you know, I started going to the doctors around two weeks of sleeplessness, and they were just saying, Well, it's anxiety. You know, you need to get on an SSRI.
Speaker 2:And I'm like a root cause girl. I wanted to know why this was happening. It wasn't my hormones. It had to be associated with my weaning because I knew that affected your hormones. I just didn't know how.
Speaker 2:And no doctor could really pinpoint that for me and tell me that the weaning was causing the insomnia. So I remember, like, I was Googling everything and just trying to figure it out. And I would find like one random influencer that I talked about at one time or whatever. But I found this eleven year old Reddit thread that was a group of UK moms talking about, and then it was like, you know, six or seven moms all talking about, yes, they were, when they started weaning, they stopped sleeping. And it, like, to me, I needed that to know that, Okay, I'm not crazy.
Speaker 2:I'm not having a mental break. Like, I will get through this. These moms got through this. There's help on the other side. And I just, what I wish and I hope my message is that if anyone out there is suffering from this, like, it is your hormones.
Speaker 2:There is a way to fix it. And you have to go talk to someone. Because if you don't, you're going to suffer in silence. And, you know, it is a very, very hard thing to process. And it's very hard to be a mom when you're not sleeping.
Speaker 2:And you know what? I'm sure most moms experience some form of that, especially in newborn stage where, and dads, where, you know, your lack of sleep does affect your day and affects your mood. It affects the way you eat. It affects everything. So yeah, I've just kept fighting for myself.
Speaker 2:Like I had no other option. I had three kids, you know, depending on me. So I kept fighting every single day and going to different doctors. Ended up doing some blood work, found out my hormones were out of whack, ended up getting on a bunch of supplements to like help with the hormones. Those didn't necessarily give me the results I wanted off the bat.
Speaker 2:Like they were going to take longer than I needed. So I did end up getting on an SSRI, which I think there was such a stigma for me and, you know, for our culture that like having to get on medication like that means that you failed. So I think I was fighting that for so long. And then once I got on it and it started kicking in, I was starting to sleep more. It changed my life, you know, for the better.
Speaker 2:And I think just being able to say that and for, to hear that from, you know, moms who are struggling, who don't want to go on medication, like sometimes you need that medication to bridge the gap to get you on the other side.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Well, first of all, I want to say I'm so sorry that you went through that. And I'm glad that we're here talking and you're able to share and give back to anybody that's potentially either going through this exact issue that you're talking about, or maybe one of the other ones that still are related to hormones or postpartum. So my question to you would be, it seems like, well, it doesn't seem like you actually had to try and in the moment, try and find a remedy to fix what you're going through. And I know you did some preparation beforehand.
Speaker 1:Do you think that maybe looking back that if you were able to tell your previous self how to do a little bit more prep or what to keep an eye on. Is there anything that you would tell yourself or or maybe an about to be new mom? Is there some advice after going through all this so you could look back and say, this is normal or this might happen or this is something that you should look in to, so that you can recognize the early warning signs.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, I mean, I think it goes back to that, the theme of what we were saying last episode, where, you know, what is common and, you know, postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety are common. I don't know the stats on how many women experience it, but it is a, you know, a common theme among postpartum women. And just because something is common doesn't mean you accept it. It's not just, Oh, it's part of the job.
Speaker 2:You're a mom. You're going to suffer with anxiety and depression. You know, You're going to have sleepless nights. Like, let's figure out how to get to the root cause of it and fix it. And I think the only thing that you can do is be an advocate for yourself and know that what you're feeling, you shouldn't have to accept feeling that way.
Speaker 2:And you need to go talk to
Speaker 1:a
Speaker 2:professional. You need to talk out loud about it. I think just being vocal for me really helped me find other people. Like, I remember after posting about the insomnia, I had flood of women in my DMs either saying, Oh, I didn't even realize that's what I had suffered with. And I just went through it for a month without sleeping.
Speaker 2:Or people that went through their depression and said that they wish they had gotten on medication. And they look back in that time of their life and just regret not advocating for themselves.
Speaker 1:Why do you think it is that it wasn't as commonly known as maybe some of the other things that are written or talked about?
Speaker 2:Why postpartum insomnia? Yeah. I don't know. I think probably because it's like a less common form. Like, more people suffer from anxiety and depression.
Speaker 2:But, you know, I don't think people understand that, like, your anxiety can cause your sleeplessness. And for me, that's where it just kind of, it all stemmed from was that like, you know, maybe it was I still don't know whether it was the anxiety that caused the insomnia, insomnia anxiety, I don't think that really matters. It's just that, like, the sleepless nights are not as common. You know, like, like I said, it took me going on a red 11 year old Reddit seed to find anyone else to talk about it. But I do think that a lot of women are ashamed to talk about suffering.
Speaker 2:You know, I think especially as a mom, you're blessed with this child and you think that you know, you should be capable of taking care of it, and doing it all on your own loan or, you know, with your partner's help. But like, I think there is like some kind of stigma around like admitting that, like, you can't do it alone. Like, no one can. And saying that out loud, like, I am struggling. I'm not okay.
Speaker 2:I need help. I think it's just it takes bravery and it, you know, Yeah. I think it just it takes a lot of guts to be able to actually admit it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I mean, I think there's a lot of comparisons of what we're doing here on the show, which is normalize the conversation that people feel weak around because they might wanna change or have had difficulty controlling alcohol. I think the same thing is in very many other ways is exactly what we're talking about here on this subject. What do you think women can do? And I mean, you've may alluded to it a little bit.
Speaker 1:What do you think women can do to really start to normalize this conversation, whether or not it's normalizing it from the perspective of this is what I'm going through right now, Or maybe other women that have gone through it or can support those that are.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think the first step is to talk about it. Be loud. Like, I think we have to whether, you know, if if talking about it on like a public forum like me is not your cup of tea, that's fine. But you need to have like a court group, a group of moms who have, who understand what you're going through and that you can feel comfortable enough to talk about it with, you know?
Speaker 2:If you don't have that support group, you know, talking about it with your spouse or your husband or your mom, just having someone that will listen to you and confide in you to know that, like, what you're going through is not shouldn't you shouldn't accept it. You know, and I think, too, that, like, women need to know that, like, alcohol probably is not the solution to the problem. Know, and studies have proven that alcohol is going to perpetuate your anxiety and your depression and it's going to hurt your sleep. Like, we know that. But yet, a lot of moms still believe that we have to have that wine to wind down.
Speaker 2:So, you know, I think we just gotta keep talking about it and kind of end the stigma and talk about medication more and talk about, you know, what's, what really is harming us. You know, where are our habits and what are we doing that's not, like, helping us?
Speaker 1:Yes. And I, and I do want to touch a little bit on the alcohol side of that. But before we do, I think it's more important to stick on topic on normalizing this and finding support or having other people step in and give support. And so I'm gonna ask from my perspective as a man, what are what are things that men or partners can do that they might not realize about postpartum, and how can they better support moms or their wives during this time?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, like for any woman listening, you know, I think you have to educate yourself first before you can educate anyone else. But then for the men listening, like, I think it is if your wife is pregnant or you, or she's postpartum, or, you know, you plan on having kids, I think it's so important to educate yourself on, like, a woman's cycle. You know, there are, there are, you know, you're gonna, if you're gonna be married to this woman and live your life with her, like, you've gotta know that she is run by her cycle, controlled by her cycle in a way that the hormones will affect her differently at different periods of her cycle. And I think a lot of women just kind of let birth and postpartum happen to them, instead of, like, really educating themselves on what they're about to experience.
Speaker 2:And so I think just like diving into, you know, listening to podcasts or reading books or whatever it may be, but like educating yourself on what your hormones will be doing after birth is so important. Like I remember, I had a breastfeeding doula, who was like very educated on this stuff, and she would text me. This was after my first baby, but she would text me and be like, Hey, Haley, it's day three. Remember, this is when your hormones take a crash and you will cry today. You know?
Speaker 2:And it was like having someone educate me on knowing, Oh, okay. Like, I know, you know, day three is when your progesterone drops and you're, and you know, and it's like just certain things happen along the cycle that you need to be aware of so that you can better, you know, arm yourself. And I think if the spouses can just at least listen to their wives, and know that it is, it's not them that is, you know, they're not the crazy ones. It is their hormones that are them feel a certain way. So I think, you know, understanding that and understanding how much hormones really do affect us women, is important.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I agree with that. And I would like to say that more men are proactive on that. But unfortunately, also, there's going to be the cases where I think it's a little bit of you don't know what you don't know and they don't just maybe in the way that we weren't taught how to drink. Men weren't really taught, I'm gonna say, a really proactive dad maybe how to approach these situations or even recognize them when they're coming about.
Speaker 1:So if the let's put it in the case that if a man isn't being proactive on on this, is there any advice that you give to somebody that maybe have those conversations that would kind of spark them to get their butts moving on it?
Speaker 2:I mean, you know, you're I think having a hands on father is gonna be such a great thing for the child. So if it's not someone who's wanting to learn something about, you know, his partner's body, then know that it's for the child's sake, too. Like, you want In order to, you know, have a happy child, you have to have a happy mom. And I think just understanding how that all works together is hopefully enough to get the man in gear, you know, knowing that their, you know, their child, and especially if they're having like a girl, then know that you're gonna have to deal with that, at some point in your life, and you're gonna have to deal with your daughter getting a period, and you're gonna have to deal with all these things. So why not educate yourself so that you can support your child?
Speaker 1:No, that's great. I 100%. And I mean, I wish I could look back and say I did everything right, but I definitely didn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's always a learning. You know? I I feel like that's the whole point of life, is like, you've never, there's no ending. It's not like, Oh, you learned it all, and therefore you're good.
Speaker 2:It's like you're continuously learning and continuously gaining knowledge to be a better person, to be a better husband, to be a better father. Yes. It's a rare ending journey.
Speaker 1:Perfectly said. I like that. I love that. And so during this time also, I think health maybe took a little bit of a back seat during this time. And also you talk a little bit about alcohol.
Speaker 1:And so I think, was there a transition going on where you're like, you know what, I'm going to start prioritizing my health that maybe I've been, in some ways, neglecting. Can you walk us through that a little bit?
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah. Like, you know, like I said last episode, there was a lot of things stacked against alcohol for me that it just wasn't working in my life the way that I was consuming it. And I think it wasn't until the insomnia happened that I knew that I had to overhaul my health, and I had to make health a priority because, as all moms know, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Like, you just can't do that. And if I wasn't able to make my health a priority, I wasn't gonna be able to be a good mom.
Speaker 2:So, you know, I try to find ways where I am making my health a priority every single day that still allows me to be the best mother and selfless to my kids, because I put energy and time into my own health.
Speaker 1:Yes. And I think what I drew- draw from that a little bit is a lot of us will want to be, especially moms, but also dads, you want to be selfless. You want to be there and you want go the extra mile. And sometimes you were will think I'm gonna sacrifice maybe my time for myself or maybe I gonna have to skip the gym or or whatever it is. Right?
Speaker 1:And and you think it's because you're being selfless. And if you were to give something up to go do those things, you're being selfish. Yeah. But it's if you can't show up, things like sleep, of course. I mean, I've struggled with sleep, so I know that pain not in the same way, but I know how difficult it is to show up for anything.
Speaker 1:But if you start, yeah, one time here and there is okay to skip and you make that sacrifice. But if you can't do that, you just you can't show up for whoever it is that you want to bring your best and and be selfless with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. Before I kind
Speaker 1:of move on, was there anything I'm missing, since we're at this point? Was there anything like you felt like you want to make sure that I ask? I think I'll just probably just wrap it up with, you know, any parting advice and, key learnings that you had. Was there anything else you want me to make sure to ask?
Speaker 2:I don't think so. Yeah. I just kind of want to talk about like, you know, making your health a priority and then how my Instagram account is get provides tips and tricks for that, for mom for postpartum moms.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay. Cool. Okay. So I love how you're making health a priority, and it's actually become a mission for you.
Speaker 1:So why don't you share a little bit of what you went through this thing yourself, and now you feel dedicated to help other people that have been in the same situation that are struggling. And why don't you talk a little bit about what that is right now?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, again, like I said, my Instagram account, Redefine Mama, is it started out as what would be, you know, a real showing the real side of motherhood, but then it turned into how important it is and how much I was seeing other moms not putting their health first, and therefore, like, it's kind of funny because it's like the real side of motherhood that people always talk about is so, like, it was perpetuated because people were not taking care of their health. And so you're kind of like, you know, like getting other people, all these moms are talking about how hard it is and how tired you are and like how drained and depleted you are. And it's like, let's start putting this time and energy into our house so that we're not drained and depleted. Like this should not be normal.
Speaker 2:We want to be, you know, the happy, healthy mom for our kids. And I think that's why I started taking this approach on health and showing postpartum moms that like, their strongest, healthiest version is still out there. You can be stronger, healthier, happier, leaner, all these things post kids. And I think, you know, it's just remember that your kids are now watching you. And as like any mom knows with kids, like, instead of telling our kids what to do, we need to start showing them.
Speaker 2:And if we are sitting all day on the couch, eating junk food, or, you know, not moving our bodies, our kids are going to do that. That's how they're going to learn. If we're not eating our vegetables, if we're not doing this, if we're not doing that, like, we know the steps we need to be healthy. And all we need to do to make our kids follow is to do it, is to show that. And so I think that's just something like a takeaway from, you know, my account that I like want moms to start putting themselves first and their health first.
Speaker 2:Scheduling time in your day, that's how you're going to do it. You're going to make it a non negotiable. You're going, just like a doctor's appointment, you're going to schedule in a thirty minute workout. When is it going to fall in your day? Like, have to stop making excuses and you have to start making progress.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I love those starting points. I'm curious to know. So you started doing all this. You started interacting, supporting moms.
Speaker 1:Was there anything along that way that you were surprised by? Either maybe it's something that just a pattern you recognize or something that you came across. What was the most surprising thing you came across?
Speaker 2:I think mostly how how many excuses moms have, and they feel validated in their excuses because they're a mom, because their kids should come first. And I'm not saying your kids shouldn't come first. I just think, again, it's the whole concept that you cannot pour from an empty cup. So if, you know, these moms, a lot of them will come into my DMs just being like, how do you find the time? It must be nice to have the time.
Speaker 2:And it's like, I posted a reel a couple, you know, months ago that was like, it must be nice to have the time to work out with your kids. And then I showed myself pushing all three of them in a wagon up the hill. Like, I don't have the time, but I'm going to figure out ways to incorporate moving my body and eating healthy. And I think if you can just kind of reframe that and know that you do have the time and it is important to make it a priority, it will be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I see that often. I think a lot of people will throw that jab at, like, it must be nice to be able to do x y z. And I think a lot of that just has to do with making themself themselves feel a little bit better about not taking the action even though they wish that they could. And I I think the best advice you can do is you just gotta do it. If you don't have the time, you can you can make the time somehow or you can make it work or some version of it.
Speaker 1:Like you said, pushing the kids around or if there's a will, there's a way to really throw out the, you know, the cliche lines, but it's true.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And, like, you know, it's funny too because models will be like, Well, I don't have time to go to the gym. And then I show them with me at the gym, with my kid on top of me, like, just know, and I say this all the time, but like, you're not aiming for perfection. You're not aiming for all or nothing. You are doing the best you can with what you have.
Speaker 2:And if that means bringing your kid to the gym and working out with your child, using your child as a weight, like, again, my account will help you show you there are plenty of ways to make it work. You just have to go on it.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I love that. And so, Hailey, thanks so much for coming and sharing your story, sharing insights to what you went through that can help other people, and then even taking it a step further, indirectly helping and support others. So thanks so much for coming on. And if anybody wants to get ahold of you, where's the best way you can find you?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, a couple ways. My Instagram is redefinedmama, and that's M A M M A. So three M's. And then I have a bunch of healthy recipes.
Speaker 2:That's kind of another thing I didn't even touch on, but I have so many recipes that I redefine to make them healthier and easier for busy moms. And you can find those on www.redefinedmama.com. And then my last one is my recent account that I just started called The Redefined Routine. And you can find that at redefinedroutine
Speaker 1:on Instagram. All right, great. Well, anybody that wants to reach out to Haley, do so. And Haley, thanks for actually coming and teaching me a thing or two. So I really appreciate it from my personal perspective.
Speaker 1:And thanks so much again.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:And that wraps up today's episode. Big thanks to Hailey Roos for coming and sharing her honest and powerful story. It's a reminder that moms don't have to choose between taking care of themselves and taking care of their families. They can do both. And Haley is leading the charge on that.
Speaker 1:For listeners, if you're ready to make small, meaningful changes in your life, whether it's reducing alcohol intake or creating healthier habits, head on over to Sunnyside.co to learn more and start your own journey towards mindful living. If you enjoyed this, make sure to subscribe, leave a review and share the episode with somebody who might need it right now. And until next time, take care, and keep moving forward on your mindful drinking journey.
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