How 150 Days of Tracking Transformed My Drinking w/ Dezi Abeyta
Welcome to Journey to the Sunny Side, a podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and, of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free 15 day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Today, I'm joined with Desi Aveda, a high performance coach, podcast host, registered dietitian, and a prominent contributor to men's health.
Mike:And I have to say, Desi is just an incredible guy. And in this special episode, he's going to share his 150 day journey of tracking alcohol, and how it completely transformed his drinking. Every now and then, you come across a person that just has that special quality them, that makes you want to lean in and listen, and Desi is one of those guys. So you'll definitely wanna tune in, because in this one, we have tons of valuable lessons on mindful drinking, and how it can transform your drinking as well. So get ready to meet Desi.
Mike:Alright. Today, I have Desi Abeta. Desi, thanks for calling on the show today.
Dezi:Dude, I, I'm so excited for this. I I've been connected with Sunnyside just in general, since like, it's almost like a year from now. And, like, one of the things that came up, Mike, was not only the launch of this show, but also a lot of the work that you've done. And I think if I'm correct, like, you're based out of Arizona as well. Right?
Dezi:Like, we're we're zonies.
Mike:Yeah. Scottsdale.
Dezi:Dude, for so many reasons, post this, let's get some coffee. Let's hang out. Dude, I'm so excited to be on, man. Thanks for the invite.
Mike:I love it. And, I mean, I can't say that I'm bragging about Arizona being Arizona in August. It being No.
Dezi:No. No. No. No.
Mike:But hey, Desi. You've done some incredible things. You've been a high performance coach. You worked with some big brands. You're a columnist for some big publications like men's health, and you tracked your drinking over a 150 days and what the result of that is, and we're gonna get into all of that.
Mike:Yeah. But I think everyone has their own origin story around alcohol, whether it be hit rock bottom or coming of, you know, slow roll into something that completely changed their life. And let's get into yours because there was a point. And for many of us, a lot of that kinda fell in that 2020 zone of Yeah. You know what.
Mike:So why don't why don't you get into, like, maybe what was something during that time that made you take a closer look at your relationship with alcohol?
Dezi:You know, Mike, I think if it's okay with you, like, in in my life from an origin story standpoint, if I'm being perfectly transparent, it started generations ago. You know, if we look at the role of generational trauma and generational habits and and, like, how we spend our time and and from a mental wellness perspective, like, how we choose to disconnect. I mean, I'm looking at, like, multiple lines of lineage where, the men in my family have always struggled with alcohol. And, being a Latino, like, to me in my culture, it's not something that's talked about. It's something that maybe we talk about among the family that it's getting too much, but there's really no action.
Dezi:There's really no, like, vulnerability around, like, what's going on for you. And and that's not a question that's ever been asked. And so seeing those, like, multiple lines, I've always known even from the first time that I had an alcoholic beverage in high school. Like, I always known that I could be prone to misusing it. So even stepping into college, like, it wasn't a conversation that I had ever had with anyone around overconsumption or around why the reasons why I drink, until I started therapy.
Dezi:And then that's what really started to really help me to dig into why I do what I do. Now all of that culminates into what a lot of us experience with the pandemic. I mean, if you ask anyone, everyone sort of, like, puts their lives in buckets where it's, like, before pandemic, during, and then after. Right? We're all experiencing the after right now.
Dezi:But for me, during the pandemic, you know, you however you all decided to kind of, like, keep yourself safe, like, that was the the sexy thing that everyone was saying around that time. We had decided to, like, pod with some other families that, like, had a pool and, like, these are people around my age. And outside of getting work done, like, there was really nothing else to do other than drink and and have fun. And I I feel like for me, where I started to get to was I didn't really have a sense of, like, how many beverages I was having a day. I'm a really big person, and and, Mike, I'm speaking to the choir here.
Dezi:Like, this is stuff that you talk about. I'm a really big person on on habit stacking. Like, I I truly believe that certain habits connect themselves to others in good, bad, and in different ways. And so for me, the the social atmosphere, the fact that we didn't really have a whole lot to do sort of gave an environment, a perfect environment, just to over consume alcohol. And I think looking back at that time, I I couldn't tell you, Mike, like, how many beverages I was having a day.
Dezi:I I could tell you that my tolerance was increasing. I could tell you that I was probably having more than 2 or 3 at times. I could tell you that it was just a normal day to day thing. And and this was over the course of of about a year and some. When I started to become aware of, like, is this something that I wanna be doing?
Dezi:Dude, and this is kinda like what we do as as creators and and people in the health field. Like, we try to practice what we preach. I started getting a bunch of clients that were coming in that were like, hey, Des. I really want you to help me with my performance. I really want you to help me on my health journey.
Dezi:Oh, and also, dude, like, I'm drinking way too much. I just started getting a bunch of these, and I'm like, you know what? Like, I should probably take a look at this. Because if I'm if I'm gonna be a healthy role model, I can't just be doing shit in the dark over here and just tell them, like, oh, you should be aware or you should see you should see a therapist. You know, if it's too big of a problem, like, maybe we should talk about treatment, type of thing like that.
Dezi:So for me, it honestly just kinda pointed back, and and I know that this is gonna be a theme that we're gonna talk about here, is just honesty and accountability. And and I think for me, like, those are those moments, Mike, where I started to really take a look and say, okay. I'm noticing that I'm not comfortable with my relationship with alcohol right now. I'm also noticing that I also have a duty, and an objective to be a healthier role model, so I need to get this shit figured out. And, you know, since then, it's really just been a journey of, accountability and honesty, which most of us really don't like.
Dezi:I mean, we were talking about a little bit about that off air. Right? Like, we don't really like accountability, especially from a male perspective. We just don't.
Mike:No. For sure. And there's something that you said right there that I think is really important if somebody didn't catch it, which is, like, it wasn't aligning to you. Like, you didn't need to benchmark how much you were drinking against somebody else to give you an answer on whether or not you needed a change. You didn't need to wait for exterior validation of somebody saying, hey, this is something that you should look at.
Mike:You really don't have to get to a certain level or compare yourselves to others to be at the place that, okay. I wanna make a change.
Dezi:Yeah.
Mike:And I would love I'd love to dig into something that you said also. Yeah. Sorry to interrupt.
Dezi:But Yeah.
Mike:So I it's a unique thing, and we didn't talk about this before, but the Latino x aspect. And I'm really curious because this might surprise you. So my wife is Puerto Rican. So both my all my kids.
Dezi:Puerto Rico. Yeah. Yeah. So
Mike:so I'm asking from a selfish standpoint also. But and, you know, I lived in Puerto Rico for a year and spent a lot of time with her family, her brothers. So, like, I get a lot of insight, but I really would love to hear your background with that. Like, what you think the unique perspective and narrative around that is?
Dezi:That's a really great question.
Mike:First off, what was the the heritage background?
Dezi:Mexicano. So, like, my my family is is kind of migrated in Mexico to present day New Mexico. And then, obviously, when it, became a US state, we kinda just, like, stayed. That's kinda like we we we sort of broke down the door. We're like, hey.
Dezi:Is this chill? And then the US was like, okay. You guys are a state, and now now we're Americans. I think the interesting part about that, and this kinda goes back to lineage and this kinda goes back to this this kinda goes back to, like, acting right. You know, one of the things that I have noticed in our culture is that especially coming into the US, like, we needed to make sure, first off, that we didn't speak Spanish.
Dezi:We needed to make sure that we looked we we looked the part of of being American. And and I think what and this is just based off of my experience. Right? This is my take, Mike. I have noticed that that whole concept has has sort of caused, from my visual people in my family culture and then other family cultures that that share the same culture, that every everything gets kept within the family, which has its positives and negatives.
Dezi:I think family is a is a beautiful system, a beautiful form of connection that helps us to stay the healthiest version of ourselves. But in that, it becomes really, really difficult because if it's staying in the family, then outside help isn't something that's really welcomed. And so going back to this topic right here, what I visualized is that inside of the family when, someone in our family has had a issue with alcohol, we're all talking about it among each other, but we're not actually talking to the person. We're not setting them down and saying like, hey. Are you okay?
Dezi:And I think, like, that's just, like, one example of, like, an opportunity for us as a as a cultural lineage where we can take that next best step from one another if we really just sit down and just ask, like, are you okay? And it's not about the shaming process. It's not about, like, you need to do this or else, which we were just kinda joking about that outside. Like, oftentimes, you know, the experience that I've had as a dietitian in addiction treatment centers, like, that's kind of the the barter. Like, you have to go do this.
Dezi:Otherwise, you're gonna lose this. And I think one of my favorite TED Talks is, from, Johann Hari, where he talks about, like, everything we know about addiction is wrong. And these people don't need things taken away from them. They need connection. And I think for us, if we're trying to, like, truly change or become mindful about behavior, we need to find some sort of connection.
Dezi:And I think as a as a culture, and this is this extends to everyone, Mike. And I think as a culture, like, I think it's perfectly okay to sit yourself down, to sit down with a loved one, and be like, hey. Are you good? Because that Yeah. For me, like, that was one of the biggest questions that I provided to myself about that, where it was like, hey.
Dezi:You've been doing a lot. A lot is going on. You're trying to run a business. There's a global pandemic going on. You're home a lot with your kid at the time.
Dezi:Like, are you good? And and I think the overwhelming answer for myself was like, you know what? No.
Mike:Yeah. It and a lot of what you said there, It comes from my perspective, there's this. Sense of, you know, being the strong head of the household and being a man, and so admitting that potentially something is off puts yourself in a vulnerable place. So I think that like you saying, you know what? No.
Mike:Is you like taking a step over that line of, wanting to wanting to repair versus wanting to stand strong necessarily, but not moving forward.
Dezi:Yeah. It's, dude, it like, it's a strength and and an opportunity. I always view it as that because, especially, the the men inside of inside of this specific culture, like, the experience is that, you're strong, you're the leader, you really don't have any room to be vulnerable with things that you're struggling about. And and to to all that being said, like, it's 2024. I think there's been some really beautiful strides among some of these newer generations that are starting to talk about this, and I think we're sitting in a really great space of having conversations, Mike, just like this.
Dezi:And I think that's where, like, the progression happens. Like, I I think at some point, a lot of us who have embarked on this mindful drinking journey, like, we're literally changing lineages of of generations from this point on, knowing for a lot of us who stepped into the world not really knowing what to expect, but also knew that there were lines before us that that struggle with alcohol and no one really ever talked about it.
Mike:Oh, I'm so glad you said that because I think about this a lot. Like, I really truly believe that you change the world generate a generation at at a time. Yeah. And it might not seem like a big deal, but like you said in your family history, you know, generations of this. And not only can you break that generational, behavior and pattern, but you can't you have an opportunity to literally change the pattern down line for every single like, for generations down the line.
Dezi:Isn't that so empowering? Dude, I always get goosebumps when I, like, talk about that because, like, there's there's been, like, different versions of our lineage, like, in the past. Right? And so, like, each and every generation had a role in who I am today. And that's, like, a big reason why, like, I'm I'll never, like, shit on past generations, especially in my family.
Dezi:Because you know what? They did the best that they could with what they had. And now that I've had the privilege of getting the education, you know, literally having the financial funds to, fund my career, to fund my therapy, to do things like that. Like, I'm in a privileged place right now where, like, I'm learning and I'm like, you know what? I actually really want some beautiful things for my 2 kids and the generations beyond.
Dezi:And this is actually an area that I feel is going to to be a barrier to their success, so I'm gonna go ahead and start exploring this.
Mike:Yes. Well and you have and you have a lot to share here,
Dezi:so I wanna get in
Mike:I wanna get into that. Hey. Real quick, I wanna tell you about our 40 lesson master class on mindful drinking. This is put on by Sunnyside, taught by experts, and it's absolutely free for you to get access. Go to learn.sunnyside.co and get started today.
Mike:You did, like I mentioned earlier, track your drinking for a 150 days. And I think that it wasn't the start of you thinking about this, but it was definitely the start of our conversation together. And I think there's some really cool things. And I actually have to read this because the list is long, but you're a high performance coast, coach, podcast host, registered dietitian. You work with top performers.
Mike:You work with some amazing brands. Why don't you talk a little bit about that background and then let's get into this 150 days?
Dezi:Yeah.
Mike:Because I want people to know that, like, you're thinking about top performing in in all areas of life. Yet, there's this thing called alcohol, and I can relate to this real quick is that everything in my I'm I was always a high achiever. I looked at the top, achievers to model everything after. So, like, fitness, I'm doing it. Business, I'm doing it.
Mike:Yeah. I'm breathworked 10 years now. You know, like, all these things, yet I still drink. And Yeah. I would compare myself to the average guy on the happy hour.
Mike:So, I think that there's probably some crossover there. So I'm gonna pass it over to you.
Dezi:Yeah. No.
Mike:Talk a little bit about what what you've been doing.
Dezi:It's so funny. I'm a jump around too if that's cool with you. It's so funny because, first off, Mike, don't sell me short. Alright? I'm on day 223.
Dezi:Okay? Don't sell me short. Oh, awesome, dude.
Mike:Yeah.
Dezi:But, like, coming into this, I'm sort of thinking to myself, and even when I wrote the story in Men's Health, like, my editor was like, what's a piece of tech right now that, like, you swear by? And I'm, like, thinking to myself, I'm like, you know what? I've actually been using this, like, app, that is, like, helping my mindful drinking journey. And I actually have some metrics to back up, like, what it's actually doing based off of all the health metrics that we constantly talk about in the magazine and and as a as a expert in fitness and performance? Like, I'm here's an area of opportunity for me.
Dezi:Like, I would love to talk about it. So that's kinda like how that whole opportunity started. But going back to your your previous question of, like, what are you doing? Listen. I don't know if we have any Myers Briggs fans out there personality test, but I'm an ENFP.
Dezi:I think the classic example of that is, like, I wanna do all the things at every time given, like, every moment. I'm highly distractible. So, like, if you ask me, like, what are you doing for your career? Like, Mike, I've sort of positioned myself to, like, literally have my hand in everything because that's just how my creativity works. So, like, at the forefront, I I like to tell people, like, hey.
Dezi:Like, listen. I'm a a proud father and a husband. I have 2 kids, 8 year old and a 2 year old, a girl and a boy, a tremendous wife who I met, when we started working in the eating disorder field. So she's a trauma therapist. So, inevitably, like, I do have, like, a very loving partner that is also willing to give me some very, very good accountability and very honest feedback, and I really, really appreciate that about her.
Dezi:So that's kinda like where we met, and I think that's kinda how I sort of talk about, like, what I do. Outside of that, obviously, being a registered dietitian. So I'm the, owner and operator of Food Talk Nutrition, and so the actual company itself sort of plays a couple different functions. But one of the things that I love doing is, online performance and nutrition coaching for high level athletes and high level entrepreneurs. And that so that's one main piece that I really pour a lot into my clients.
Dezi:Outside of that, like you had said, I'm the I'm the host of the Can't Believe I Made A Podcast. We are a 169 as of today, episode strong. It was a gift to myself on my birthday in 2019, to just launch the podcast because, I had spent so many years just overthinking it. And I was like, you know what? The gift for this year for your birthday is just to be launch something and not know what's gonna happen and be consistent with it.
Dezi:And I think, for me, it's leveraged a tremendous amount of opportunities for, you know, being a men's health author, now being a nutrition adviser, and and being on the advisory board where I'm a regular monthly contributor. I I've also been able to do a TED talk where I talked about, failing at feeding my daughter when I'm supposed to be a nutrition expert when she was a kid. So I have my hands in in a lot of things. And I think probably, like, one of the things I love doing, is honestly this, Mike. Like, I love podcasting, dude.
Dezi:Like, if I can figure out a way to position my podcast where, like, that's my sole gig and I get paid to have conversations, dude, I'm good. I I am good. I'm good. Thank you. Yeah.
Dezi:So I think, like, kinda like addressing the the main, question where it's like, here's the background, like, here's kinda where I came to this. Honestly, dude, like, I I'd never really thought about, like, mindful drinking or moderating my drinking. Like, from a nutrition perspective, we talk about mindful eating. We talk about mindfulness. So to me, it was kind of an easy marriage of, like, understanding how I could bring mindfulness into, to be honest, something that's so shame based where where it's I'm talking about my alcohol intake.
Dezi:And so for me, it was it was a really vulnerability jump to step into, like, becoming aware of my overall intake, which kinda started the process. So like I said, I'm 220 what did I say? 22 days in, 21 days in. And, dude, I'm going for 365. Like, that's, like, the the preliminary goal of saying, like, I'm just not gonna miss a day and see what happens.
Mike:Yeah. So walk me through that. Take me back to the story. So you kinda had this self realization that I'm gonna make a change. However, you found Sunny Side.
Mike:I think that that was part of the start of it. Yeah. Was there anything to start that you were surprised by? So you started tracking your drinks, obviously. So let's go through, like, the first, like, let's just say the first, like, 30 days or 10 days.
Dezi:10:30 days.
Mike:10:30 days. Whatever. You
Dezi:choose. Yeah. It's funny because the way that I came back to was round 2. Round 1 was, like I said, I had a lot of clients coming to me that were, like, high level entrepreneurs and high level athletes that, like, that process got brought up. And because I had come across the platform, I was like, hey.
Dezi:You should try this out. See how it feels for you. See if we can start making some some reputable gain when it comes to just trying to to moderate and be mindful about your drinking.
Mike:Out of out of 10 out of 10 people, clients, I'll call you back.
Dezi:I was literally gonna answer that. Yeah. Dude, it was 2 people out of 10. 2 people out of 10. Okay.
Dezi:I will say, like, 2 clients, like, really got a lot out of it. Like, one of which, had decided throughout the process where she no longer wanted to have alcohol in her life. But she still uses Sunnyside because she really loves the community feature, and she really loves the daily questions because it kinda just helps her. Right? The other one has still been on his journey.
Dezi:He's no longer tracking, but he's still in a place where he's like, I'm actually really comfortable, because inherently, as a as a realtor, he was talking about, like, inherently, like, it's just a part of the business. So now I'm at a point where, like, now I just I have it in a notebook, and I'm just logging things and planning for things. So it was 2 out of 10 out of those. Right? And so Yeah.
Dezi:I think I had maybe downloaded it, Mike. I didn't really give
Mike:a shot. Less than I thought. That's actually less than I thought. Because when I talk to, you know, I I mean, entrepreneur circles, and, and I'll talk to people and they're either in sort of the middle of wanting to change or they already did. And it's like I feel like it's almost 6 out of 10 people who are, like, either planning to change or wish they could change their relationship with alcohol or already have.
Mike:Now the performers tend to tend to overdo
Dezi:though, but that kinda separates, having a vision and an intention. Right? Because, like, if they have a vision of I would like to do something different with my life, but the intention follows systems. So speaking back to that 2 to 10, I think the others kinda just got lost in the sauce of, like, all the other things that they were working on, which, like, this in itself, I will say at least in my life, like, it needed a level of attention where, like, I was constantly getting reminded. So, like, going back to the 1st 30 days when I actually did, dry January, like, that was kinda like my first entry point.
Dezi:So in my brain, like, I was never someone who wanted to just completely stop drinking. Like, I knew that it was an active part of my life whether it was through family functions or social functions or, like, from time to time. Like, I love a good stake in an IPA. Like, it's just something that I enjoy. Right?
Dezi:It's part of, like, my self care.
Mike:Totally.
Dezi:So I was already coming into it, and I was like, you know what? Like, I can try this out and see how it goes. So, like, I tried, like, the full dry, and I think, Mike, I think I went, like, 5 days. Like, if that. Because I was like, I was gonna
Mike:work like, 80% of the rest of the people Yeah.
Dezi:Like, I I I'm not even lying, man. Because I I think I had so one of the other things, and I didn't mention this, but, yeah, another thing. So I, I'm one of the dietitians for Red Bull as well, and so I work with their talent, athletes, dancers, creators, you name it. Right? So, like, I had an event, literally at the start of the year.
Dezi:And so I think I made it a couple days, and I had a drink. But what was what was really nice about that, and this is where I, like, started to feel like a real transformation, I didn't have any shame about having the drink. Because the app and the platform is really, really clear about you're doing your best. Like, I think the text prompts are, like, literally the most elite function that you guys have, because not only is it just making it easy, each and every one of us have our phones next to us. We're texting each and every day.
Dezi:Like, there's really no reason why you can't log your drink or why you can't respond to a coach is like, hey. Looks like you had a drink over your mark. Like, how are you doing? Again, it goes back to that question. Right?
Dezi:Like, are you hey. Are you good? And for me, the 1st 30 days, I felt like was fairly easy because of the different ways in which the app and the process of mindful drinking was, like, reminding me, like, hey. We're creating systems for you right now so that you can get to a point. And in my habit formation brain, these were just triggers to go do the the thing that I need to be doing.
Dezi:And so for me, like, it was really easy. The the struggle that I had was literally in the 1st couple days of, like, I gotta stay consistent. I gotta stay consistent. And then when I had that first drink and felt and did not feel that feeling rather ashamed, I sort of got curious about, like, okay. Why did I have that drink?
Dezi:Was it truly to be mindful in a social situation, or were you feeling stressed? Luckily, in that moment, it was just really a moment of, like, hey, we're celebrating an event. Like, this is a celebration. I'm okay with it. But that isn't to say over the next 30 days, Mike, that I didn't sit down and have a drink because I felt stressed.
Dezi:And that's kinda where the app in itself really prompted me to start thinking about, cool, you had a drink while you were stressed. Very normal thing. Is this going to be your only tool? Or are you gonna start expanding your repertoire of, like, how you wanna get your needs met when you're feeling really stressed? And I think right there, like, that was a really big transformation for me because the app in itself allowed me to be honest.
Dezi:And I and I think for me in my life, I can be honest with myself, you know, 222 days in. And that's the cool part.
Mike:Yeah. I mean, I think that's the coach inside of you right there to bring it down to that level because that's such a realization right there. And, because, obviously, I wrote a book. I think about this subject. I talk about it all the time.
Mike:But to be able to differentiate between not only how much you have and on what days, but for what intention is so important. You know, like, I give this visual of, like, don't pour alcohol over stress. And I actually think about stress, like, sitting as, like, these blocks in a in a drink. And it's like, am I pouring the drink over stress, or am I pouring it for, like, celebration? Because there's, like, there's so big of a difference there because one is for benefit and for fun.
Mike:Yeah. And one is for coping.
Dezi:Mhmm. It's it's interesting to hear you say that too. I mean, I I kinda just experienced that this week. What I also really love is, like, the the planning feature as well. Like, obviously, you can't, you know, brick and mortar, like, your full week on, like, what's gonna happen because, like, that that's just life.
Dezi:You just don't know how you're gonna interact with what you don't know is about to come, what curve balls come your way. And so I was just telling you that I just got back from a a work trip. And so I had logged for myself because I know from my, like, a social experience, like, my work inherently is is very social outside of, like, all of our work stuff. Like, we're also play heavy as well. So I tracked I planned rather 3 drinks throughout the week.
Dezi:So on one of the nights, I was like, I'm freaking tired. There's no reason for me just because I planned it to, like, go down into the hotel bar and get a drink. This doesn't make any sense. Like, I'm I'm tired, and I'm trying to go for a run-in the morning. I need to optimize my sleep.
Dezi:I don't wanna be dehydrated for this run. Like, there's so many reasons why I'm like, you know what? Like, I'm good. So the next night, I was like, you know what? Like, I haven't had whiskey in a really long time.
Dezi:I usually pair that with the beer. Like, okay. Cool. Like, I have 3 planned. You know?
Dezi:Here's 2. Right? So I'm checking in with myself, like, am I doing this for the right reason? Like, I kinda checked out. I was like, cool.
Dezi:Like, this is just this is something that I like to do. And as, like, the tail end, we're recording on a Friday. Wife and I are about to have a date tonight. She's like, what do you wanna do? And I'm thinking to myself, like, you know what?
Dezi:Like, I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't wanna have a drink tonight. Like, let's go climbing and let's talk. Let's just that would be that would that would be fulfilling for me.
Dezi:And then knowing that I have runs over the next, like, couple mornings, I'm probably not gonna wanna drink again. Like, you know what? Like, I'm gonna have 2 this week. I'm not gonna meet the goal of, like, my 3, but, like, you know what? Like, over the grand scheme, this is a freaking win for me this week because I'm I'm still being mindful about my overall consumption and also doing it for the right reason.
Dezi:So, like, I I can't dude, Mike, we've talked about this. I can't say enough good things about Sunnyside, dude. It's it's super dope.
Mike:Yeah. No. I mean, of course, we love hearing that. Yeah. And, you know, there's something that you said there is that, like, making obligations in the morning also.
Dezi:You know? God.
Mike:It it really can and and things that you enjoy. And you're like, do would I rather have, you know, an hour or 2 hours having these drinks than skip out on that? Or also I've made the obligation that I'm gonna do it or the commitment. So I think that's such a, just to sprinkle in what I'm reading from what you're saying. But I wanna say, so let's say 0 to 60 days, fast forward, what was the change that you started to witness?
Mike:Or or was there a better day, Mark, that you started being like
Dezi:No.
Mike:No. The benefits. This is the challenge.
Dezi:Alright. Let's can we do some, habit nerding out together? You ready?
Mike:Let's do it.
Dezi:So 70 to 90 days is the mark. Right? And once we know that it's actually tapped into, like, lifestyle is when you don't do a habit and it feels weird, and then you're like, oh my god. Like, I need to go back to doing that thing that's good for me. Right?
Dezi:So, like, the 70 to 90 day frame. I started to notice in that timeframe that I, like, I was much more comfortable with being completely honest with myself. Because we can skew portions. Let's just call it what it is. We can 100% skew portions, right?
Dezi:We go get a drink at a bar, we make ourselves a drink. Are we really measuring out that ounce and a half? Like, are we? No, we're not. We're not.
Dezi:We're eyeing it, right? So for me, it started to come back to, like, being really freaking honest with myself. Because there were some weeks, whether it was like a work week or an event week, that, like, completely overshooting my goal. Like, I've tried to keep it, like, from the standpoint of, you know, what do regulatory bodies all over the world say that healthy consumption looks like? So from a male perspective, what we know, from a science perspective, is that it's 14, For women, it's 7.
Dezi:Right? So in my brain, I've always said, like, I'm gonna make sure that if a week happens like that, I'm gonna be mindful about my consumption and not go over the 14. There's 100% been weeks that I did a 15 or a 16. But for me, like, what I what I think the bigger win was, Mike, when I would have those is I was honest. I didn't just, like, lie to myself because I wanted to meet a certain marker.
Dezi:I didn't just lie to myself because, like, I didn't wanna be accountable. And I think heading into 200 plus days now, I'm still being honest with myself. And I think that piece is probably the most fruitful thing that I have gotten from this. But I can't be honest with myself if I don't have an environment of safety. And that's what I think Sunnyside does at a really high level with the app, the community feature, the check ins, just the coaching philosophy around it.
Dezi:Like I said, I just can't say enough good things because, for me, it created enough safety where I could be honest. And I think a lot of us can do a lot of really cool and beautiful things. And this is let's just take alcohol out of the equation real quick. We look at nutrition, fitness, we look at sleep. We look at some of the things that help these high performers, create habits for themselves and rituals for themselves and systems that allow them to perform at a high level.
Dezi:You have to be honest with yourself, How you eat, how you train, how you sleep, because to me, like, I always joke with my clients, like, look, numbers don't lie. Like, what's going on here? And that's where I think, like, this allows for, like, a data point. And I didn't even mention, like, the progress, man. Like, what I also really love and and it's affirming.
Dezi:You know? We look at our Apple Watches. Like, we get those, like, digital badges. Listen. In the grand scheme, they don't mean anything.
Dezi:However, it hits the psyche in a way where you're like, I'm progressing. And I think even as I look at it now, it's telling me, like, hey. You've been able to skip 10,000, empty calories. Hey. You've saved, over, you know, $2,000 this year.
Dezi:And it's, like, stuff like that where I'm like, this is progress. I I love this.
Mike:Yeah. It def it definitely matters because you're in it to win it. You're seeing your progress. You have, like I wouldn't say sunk cost because I would be giving something up. But Yeah.
Mike:You know, like, it it does. Like, that that perceived, just mountain of gold coins that you just keep throwing on more and more on onto them. And so you said something interesting, and I wanna dig in. So, you know, you you can't say enough about the app. Is there one instance that you can remember that, like, maybe where Sunnyside kept you on track and kept you from going off the rails?
Mike:Maybe just one day, one evening, or one feature that just kept you in line.
Dezi:Dude, like, this week. Like like, I I can I can literally tell you that, Mike?
Mike:I mean, for any
Dezi:of us who have been business owners or or been a part of a corporation, when the term business planning or business objectives gets brought up, like, inherently, a lot of us sorta get a little bit of PTSD. It's like, fuck. This is gonna be stressful. Right? So, like, we're going through the process right now in a couple things that I'm doing where we're sort of repositioning what we're doing.
Dezi:So it is a lot of business planning. It's very business planning heavy heading into 2025. And so inherently, like, it's a stressful time. And and for me, being able to to look at this week's likely gonna be stressful. I'm gonna have some travel.
Dezi:I'm gonna be away from my family. A lot of the loads inherently gonna be on my amazing and beautiful wife, and my mother-in-law. Like, it's gonna be a lot, and I'm probably gonna hear about it, and I gotta take care of myself. And so even planning for the 3 drinks, having the prompts throughout the week, noticing that, like, I have things in the morning that I scheduled. And I didn't do this, Mike, to schedule them to, like, not drink.
Dezi:I scheduled them because it's an active part of my life now. And it just happened that I was like, you know what? Like, I'm tired. I don't really want to have a drink tonight. I'm gonna go to bed.
Dezi:So, like, I mean, that's just one example. I think if I think back, like, even in the first, like, 90 days, vacations are inherently I don't I don't know if this is true for you, but, like, vacations are inherently a time where, like, I do my best to completely shut down. And being a people oriented extrovert in the way that I am, I think probably the pandemic has kinda changed me into a people oriented introvert where I really give a lot in social situations, but my social meter goes all the way down. So, like, even this like, this week's an example where I'm gonna recluse for the weekend. I'm not gonna talk to anyone because I just did social stuff for a full week.
Dezi:And so, like, I know that there's definitely been times on vacations where it's like, I'm completely shut down. What do we wanna do? Like, cool. I'm I'm gonna go drink type of thing. And I think what has been really nice about having Sunnyside is, again, the text, like, yo.
Dezi:How'd it go last night? Or like, hey. You logged you're gonna be logging too today. Do you wanna do a quick check-in? And, like, I think those pieces allow have allowed me in the past to check-in check-in with my body, check-in with my mind, my mental, and be like, okay.
Dezi:In this current state of mind, how am I feeling? Is this the right I love what you had said, Mike. What did you say? Is alcohol pouring over stress? What'd you say?
Mike:Yeah. Don't pour alcohol
Dezi:over stress. Don't pour alcohol over stress. Like, I've never heard that. I'm gonna a 100% bite it. I hope that's okay.
Dezi:Feel like it's very true. Like, I I think it helps you to store stay mindful in a place where it's like, do I actually want to connect in this way, or do I need something further? And I think that's that's where, like, one of those transformation areas really helped me and and build up that repertoire. Because sometimes, at least for me, like, going to play basketball, going for a walk, doing some other things are just as fruitful to connect with myself versus oftentimes what does happen, is just complete disconnection when we throw alcohol in the situation if you're not being mindful about it.
Mike:Yeah. I think the word disconnect is so fitting even though it is like something that you want to use to connect. But unless you're using it in solubatory terms, it is like the biggest disconnector It is. When used in the wrong setting and in mindset. Yeah.
Mike:Well, I wanna I would love to just keep talking all day, to be honest.
Dezi:We gotta do a part 2.
Mike:We totally could. We could do a part 2. And but but let's go, like, I think the key takeaways, but also, this comes to mind. Like, pretend like I'm one of your I'm gonna say I'm a top performer. There's no.
Dezi:I have a
Mike:top performer coach. And I'm like, man, you know, ever since college, I'm still, like, hitting it too hard on the weekends. And now I'm starting to drink, you know, couple nights a week, and it's starting to affect me in the morning. But I don't wanna stop drinking. What do you think?
Mike:Should I give it up? Or, like, what should I do?
Dezi:I think, Mike, we gotta take a a step back. I like I like to coach my clients through performance pillars. And I think, even as you're talking about that, it's just bringing up a lot of conversations that I've had with past clients and current clients where there's this concept in performance that we talk about where it's preparation so it's prepare, perform, recover. And for me, like, I would even take those three principles into exactly what you're talking about there because if I get an understanding of what your work week looks like, where your goals lie because you being a high performer, Mike, it's very likely that you're probably, throwing yourself in some business endeavors, but you probably also have, like, a fitness journey that you're really navigating as well. You're probably doing some breath work.
Dezi:You're probably doing some of these other things that you really, really love. And so for me, it's really pulling out those strengths and prioritizing and saying, these are value systems of yours. Like, these are really important. These are the things that allow you to prepare to perform, and recover. So, like, we need to protect those at all costs.
Dezi:Now, to answer your question, I don't know if you need to stop drinking. I will tell you though that if these are such high values for you and the drinking during the weekend is starting to impact that, then we need to have a hard conversation around, are these actually values for you? Or can we actually start taking a look at why you're doing this over here? Because if we apply the prepare, perform, recovery principles, maybe we just need to get you prepped for a really intense week. Or maybe we need to help you recover from a really intense business meeting or really intense, just crazy week at home as a dad.
Dezi:Like, these are all normal things. Right? And I think that's where the invitation comes in, from the from the standpoint of holding space for all of the shit that you're going through, validating that, hey, man. Like, it's really hard. And then also saying, like, you have these value systems up here that you've told me are priorities.
Dezi:Are they still priorities? Okay. Yeah. They are. Cool.
Dezi:We gotta start looking at this then. We gotta start looking at how you're spending your weekends. And by default, we also have to take a look at your social circle. Are these people that are progressing you to upholding these values up here? And if they're not, like, I'm sorry to tell you, man.
Dezi:I'm not I'm not your parent. I'm not gonna tell you who you can hang out with. But let's call it what it is. Like, we've had friendships and people in our lives where it's like, I love this person. They're not bringing me to a place that is gonna help me.
Dezi:Because I always tell people this, like, it's that rule of 5 that, like, Jay Shetty has talked about. It's that rule of 5 that Jim Quick has talked about. But it's, like, surround yourself with 5 other people that are high performing, that you look up to, that, like, have all the attributes of all the things you wanna become, and over time, you will become the 6th. And it's the same exact formula on the other side of things that you don't want to do. So, your social environment plays a big role, man.
Dezi:So, yeah, there's a lot in that, Mike. I hope that as your new coach that I've helped you.
Mike:I was gonna say you absolutely killed it, and I can see why people are paying you
Dezi:money. Yeah.
Mike:Because I thought it was amazing, and that is actually a really great road map and just taking it back was, like, so relatable. So, well, listen. Let's, let's talk about what you got going right now so that people can find out, any projects that you wanna share and how people can reach out.
Dezi:Yeah, man. I I I love reaching out to my my online and in person communities. I think if I'm looking at one thing that is a passion project of mine, like I said, Mike, I'm on the path of doing it right now. It's not getting there yet, which is making me uncomfortable, but I also know that beautiful things take time. But one of the big pieces and big passion projects of mine is, my podcast.
Dezi:So I'm the host of the Can't Believe I Made It podcast. We dive into the hero's journeys of athletes and entrepreneurs, finding out the habits and rituals that really make them tick. And so, like, that's, like, probably my my biggest priority right now of not only just growing the podcast, but also, just truly living my authentic truth where, like, I love doing this type of shit. So I think that's the biggest piece. You can certainly support, learn.
Dezi:Feel free to argue with me if there's something that you don't agree with. I'm a regular contributor on Men's Health Magazine. You can literally type in menshealth.comdesia beta, and you'll see all of my features that have that have gone on. You can hit me up on social at desia beta, TikTok where it's a little bit more podcast heavy. I made it pod.
Dezi:But I'm dude, I'm trying to show up everywhere, man. You know how that goes.
Mike:Oh, I love all I love all the mission stuff, and I gotta say I'm a little bit envious because as a college kid and then and into my twenties, late or late twenties, I was always reading men's health thinking, man, one day I'd like to write for them.
Dezi:Dude, same. Same. I I remember my, my, sports and, sports medicine coach and teacher in high school ended up landing, like, a, like, a 2 page, like, workout. And I remember hitting him up and, like, how do you do this? Like, this is, like, a big dream of mine.
Dezi:And it's nice, Mike, because, like, we talk about progress in people's mindful drinking journey, and we talk about being 200 plus days beyond. I think for a lot of us, like, we we truly do have to sit back and be really grateful for, like, what we're doing, the type of progress that we're making. Again, man, I can't say enough good things about the app. But, like, even the progress feature, like, truly take a look at it. Truly take a look at your energy levels, how you look.
Dezi:I don't think it's any mistake that I started running this summer. And, like, I'm down, like, probably, like, 5, £7 of, like, unintended weight gain that just happens when you're a dad. Like, I
Mike:just Yeah.
Dezi:I I don't think it's it's a mistake that I hadn't been taking a look at, like, how I'm spending my time outside of performance. But, again, man, like, that's the prepare and recover piece. Right? So, again, dude, can't say enough good things. I know, like, we're getting a time, but, Mike, I guess we're gonna have a part to you on my podcast, dude.
Mike:Oh, dude, let's do it.
Dezi:I'm I'm gonna
Mike:alright. Heck, yeah. Alright. Well, hey. This has been awesome.
Mike:Yeah. We'll have to do a part 2. And, Desi, thanks so much for coming on.
Dezi:Yeah. Yeah, man. Shout out to the team there and for, anyone out there who's kind of on the fence. Look. You you just never know what could happen, just taking that one piece.
Dezi:I think it's extremely valuable to understand where your values lie. And if drinking is is, becoming a barrier to those values, we get to have a hard combo. Are those actually values, or should we have some conversations about, like, are you good? So, man, I can't say enough good things, bro. Thanks for the invite.
Mike:Thank you. Thanks for listening, and I am a true believer that engaging with our listeners is the best way for us to have an incredible show. So if you have some feedback, if you have a guest that you think that would be amazing, or maybe you have your own story that you'd like to share, please email me at mike@sunnyside.co. I'd love to hear from you. Talk soon.
Mike:This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform, having helped 100 of 1000 of people cut out more than 13,000,000 drinks since 2020. And in fact, an independent study showed that Sunnyside reduced alcohol consumption by an average of 30% in 90 days. And as one of our members shared, Sunnyside helps me stay mindful of my drinking habits. It's not super restrictive. So if I'm craving a glass of wine with dinner, I just track it and I move on with my week.
Mike:If you could benefit from drinking a bit less and being more mindful of when and how much you drink, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free 15 day trial. You'll get access to everything that we offer, including tracking and planning tools, coaching from our experts, a vibrant community of people just like you, and the motivation and advice to stay on track with your health goals, all with no pressure to quit. That's sunnyside.co.
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