High-Functioning, Low Satisfaction
Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and
Speaker 2:of course, your own mindful drinking journey.
Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hartenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert.
Speaker 2:Hey, and welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside. I'm Mike Hartenbrook. And today I want to talk about something that doesn't always get named, but it is something that most of us in this space have felt. It's when your drinking doesn't really look like a problem from the outside, but it still doesn't feel quite right on the inside. Maybe you're doing life, you're functioning, you're not falling apart in any way, but something is off and you've started to notice it.
Speaker 2:And if you've been living in this tension where things aren't that bad, but you're also not fully aligned either, then that's what I'm going to cover in this episode today. So let's get into it. So let's talk about this space that many of us live in. You know, we're not crashing, we're not spiraling, but something just feels off. Maybe you've thought to yourself, you know, I'm not that bad.
Speaker 2:I don't drink every single day. It's not a problem, but I also don't love it either. And that's what I call the middle. Some call it gray area drinking. Others don't call it anything at all.
Speaker 2:They just carry that tension quietly. But here's the truth about it all. You are not in no man's land. You're actually in the middle and you're not alone. So if you're following me, let's first talk about the numbers.
Speaker 2:So according to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, that's NIAAA, nearly ninety percent of people who drink excessively don't meet the clinical criteria for alcohol use disorder, or AUD. So I want you to hear that again: ninety percent. That means that most people who are drinking more than they want to, don't qualify under this diagnosis. They're not getting DUIs. They're not waking up in ditches.
Speaker 2:They're not going in for treatment, but they are waking up with regret. They're losing energy, clarity, connection, and they're also breaking promises to themselves. And this is a, well, it's an invisible majority functioning, but frustrated group of people. And it's a huge group of people. Actually, it's the majority of people.
Speaker 2:And if that's you, I just want you to know, and I've said this before, you're not broken. You're just actually waking up, or as we call it, being more mindful. And this one hits really close to home because I'd been there. That's the entire reason I wrote the book, No Willpower Required. Long before I met Sunnyside, I had gone through this.
Speaker 2:I felt sort of on my own. I shared in the book how my drinking never really looked like extremes from the outside. I was running companies. I was raising a family. I was into fitness.
Speaker 2:I was a high achiever, but I kept doing this mental math around alcohol every single day. How much is too much? Why did I say I wouldn't drink tonight? And then I'd pour myself one anyways that same night. Not only that, I would think, why is this so hard for me?
Speaker 2:And look at other people and think, know, they don't seem to have the same issue. Why do I feel so drained all the time by this? And nobody would have said from the outside that I had a problem. But I had a question, and that question became a real big turning point for myself. And that question was, as I switched from trying to figure out, do I have a problem with this?
Speaker 2:But instead I started asking myself, is alcohol still working for me? Not should I quit forever, but what do I actually want from my relationship with alcohol to look like? And I stopped asking myself, am I broken? But instead I would say, what would make me feel better to be more in control, to be more present, to be more alive? And these are the questions that I want to offer you today.
Speaker 2:Because those old questions like, do I have a problem? Or is it bad enough yet? They can tend to trap us. I know I feel trapped, but the better questions, they create a space to try something new. They leave room for growth and they allow us to make progress without waiting for perfection or expecting perfection from ourselves.
Speaker 2:So the question is, what's really going on in the middle? It's this, what I call high functioning, low satisfaction. You show up for work, you get stuff done, you're not falling apart, but you're not fully you either. Alcohol isn't destroying your life, but it is doing it and not in a dramatic way. It's just enough that your energy is low, maybe your sleep is off, your self trust of yourself is shaky, and you're left with this quiet feeling that just something isn't right.
Speaker 2:And that can really tear you up. It can take so much away. And those little small things do matter because when alcohol does chip away from your clarity, your presence, your ability to feel good in your own skin, even just a little bit, you stop to feel like yourself. And that's enough of a reason that you want a big change, even if it's just taking a little bit by little bit. And I want to make mention, I said, it's not in a dramatic way.
Speaker 2:I actually think that that is a harder thing. When you have these extremes, like you go from having no problem to a serious problem, it's definitive. You know that you have to make a dramatic change just the way that you change for the negative. You have to make a dramatic change for the positive. However, when you're in this middle zone, I find that personally to be a really hard place to be, because it's not bad enough necessarily at times to drive you to make these drastic change.
Speaker 2:So you can exist there. You can feel underserved by many of the solutions that are out there, because they're a mismatch, because they're more aligned for making these drastic changes. And you know, on this show, we are not about labels. We're not about shame, but it's also very hard to not know where you identify, you know? And so that is also part of the struggle.
Speaker 2:And so if any of these things line up to you, I'm trying to relate and say, you're not alone. There are many of us out there that have this feeling that want to make the change. And that's really what this episode's about. It's to connect with you, to make you feel and know that you're not alone. It's not an action based, do step one, step two, step three, because part of it is just knowing in ourselves that there are others that do this struggle.
Speaker 2:We're not outliers. We're not alone. And together, actually, we can all support each other in the way that many other groups support each other. And that is just by knowing that we can make the change and reach the goals that we want and lift each other up along in the process. So remember, you don't have to make drastic changes.
Speaker 2:You don't have to quit cold turkey. You don't need to fit in with a label. And you definitely don't need to wait for something to get bad enough to make a change. So if alcohol is making you feel, let's just say, 10% less like yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, then you belong in this conversation. And you're now listening because you're aware, you're curious, and that's more than enough to either start or continue on this journey and keep stacking those wins.
Speaker 2:And so my challenge to you for this week is don't ask if you have a problem. Instead, ask yourself, is this still working for me? What would be better and what would that look like right now? And what's one small change that I could try this week just to see how it feels, how it works out like a little experiment. And please forgive me for being a little bit repetitive at times, but I really want to emphasize the importance of trying new things, stacking small wins, because day by day, every single thing adds up.
Speaker 2:Nothing is accomplished in just one day. It's just slowly chipping away or adding two. It's one or the other. You know, which one do you wanna choose? Do you wanna let it to chip away?
Speaker 2:Or you do wanna start adding little by little? You don't have to overhaul everything. You can just be honest, and that's where it all begins. I hope you have a great weekend. And until I see you next Monday, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial.
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