Feeling Like Moderation Is Hard? You’re Not Alone
Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and of course, your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Hartenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Welcome back to Journey to the Sunny Side.
Speaker 1:I'm Mike Hartenbrook, and today I wanna dig into something I don't think gets that much attention, and that is why for some people, moderation can actually feel harder than those who decide to go fully abstinent. On paper, that might sound backwards because a lot of people think, hey. Yeah. Moderation. That's obviously the easier route.
Speaker 1:I'm not ready to totally give up alcohol. But it's not honestly that simple. Sometimes moderation does feel lighter. It's more flexible. It seems more realistic.
Speaker 1:But other times, it turns out to be a lot tougher for some people than just taking a total break. And what's interesting is that for many, it's not strictly one or the other forever. There's gonna be stretches where moderation feels completely doable and maybe even easy. And there's also gonna be seasons where it feels just too much mental work, and a clean break is actually a lot simpler. So today, I wanna break down why this happens, why moderation or mindful drinking can feel easier at first, why it sometimes proves to be more challenging over time, and how it actually fits into this bigger picture of building a life where alcohol just isn't front and center and taking up so much mind space.
Speaker 1:And this is probably something you already know. You've thought about. Obviously, you're listening to a podcast on mindful drinking, but it doesn't immediately require you to overhaul your entire schedule, your whole identity, and a lot of things that we hold on to when it comes to drinking. You still get to go out with friends. You still get to raise a glass at dinner, maybe pour something at a wedding.
Speaker 1:And you don't have to have this answer that's maybe an awkward question of why you're not drinking with friends. So it slides right into your existing life without much friction. Sometimes it can actually feel harder than going fully abstinence because when you moderate or you're doing mindful drinking, you're actually introducing a lot more questions. When you're not drinking, it's binary. It's am I drinking?
Speaker 1:No. So the answer is always gonna be no. And the only difference is that you have to make sure to stick to that commitment. In moderation, you're making more decisions. Should I have a drink tonight?
Speaker 1:How many drinks should I have this week? And you also have to make the decision once you start. Should I have another? Is this one gonna be too much? And, of course, here at Sunnyside, we help with the planning and tracking on that side to reduce the decisions in the moment.
Speaker 1:But then you also have to think about things like, if I have drinks tonight, am I gonna regret it tomorrow? And if I add another day to my weekly plan, does that still align with my plan, or do I feel like I'm gonna blow past that? And so for that reason, there's a little bit of mental negotiation going on, and sometimes those can pile up. There is solid research on decision fatigue. Every time that you make a decision, you use up a little bit of your brain's available self control.
Speaker 1:So eventually, without a plan, without everything in place, without the right mindset, that decision making can be your battery going on low mode. And it's why by the end of the day, of course, and they call it the witching hour, it's so much easier to say yes and to pour another drink, especially if you had one and your prefrontal cortex is down. But this decision fatigue is also why a lot of people in our community are using Sunnyside, building in that planning. They use the app to set their drinks ahead of time, in what days, so that they're not stuck in this swirl of micro decisions later. And, of course, that's why it works so well because it offloads the work from your willpower into a plan that you already made ahead of time when your head was clear and your thoughts and your values were definitely in line and clear.
Speaker 1:Now hang with me here. I don't want it to come across like I'm saying anything negative around mindful drinker or moderation. Of course, I wouldn't be doing this podcast. However, I think a lot of people actually get hard on themselves or are surprised when they find that maybe it's not quite as easy as they thought. And so I wanted to do this episode to give you some reasons why maybe it's easier for some people to drink in moderation or do mindful drinking while some people have no problem with abstinence and they find moderation difficult and vice versa, and it can change throughout their lives and their seasons of their lives.
Speaker 1:So I wanna go a little bit further on mindful drinking because brain chemistry, there's a side to this. Every time that you use alcohol, let's say to celebrate, to wind down, maybe to de stress, that's gonna light up that reward circuit in your brain. And so every time that you're even drinking in moderation, your brain is still gonna learn in some way or another, hey, this is the solution for my Tuesday de stress, or this is how we're gonna mark something as a celebration or fun because I'm gonna allow myself to have drinks on that night. And while there's nothing wrong with it, you still have to realize that there is a tie between your brain circuitry and how you celebrate, de stress, which then in turn will allow sometimes those urges and cravings to linger a little bit longer than, let's say, if you were on a full break. And now mindful drinking works, and it lowers the bar for people that maybe think that abstinence is just way too difficult.
Speaker 1:And it opens the door to anybody who just that isn't the route they wanna go. Maybe it feels too difficult. Maybe that's just not the direction that they feel is aligned to their goals. With all that in place and without thinking that I'm maybe being negative on this, this is all to say that I want everybody to realize that when you're making big life changes, that no direction necessarily is gonna be easier than the other. It's the one that you choose that you think aligns most with your goals, your values, and where you wanna go.
Speaker 1:And for plenty of people, moderation is actually that sweet spot. It feels sustainable. You get to have a drink when you want as long as it's planned. You don't allow alcohol necessarily to run the show and in your entire life. You get to keep alcohol in its place where you want it to be, and you have the flexibility to add occasional add ons, different days of the week.
Speaker 1:Maybe there's a special event or celebration that or a trip. All of those things give you flexibility, and that's what makes mindful drinking or moderation so powerful when it clicks. It just becomes a balanced part of your life that doesn't take up so much mind space. But that said, it takes the upfront work. You can't just rely on willpower whether you stop alcohol altogether or if you go the mindful drinking route.
Speaker 1:You still have to think about the long term with systems. You have to plan ahead. You have to decide beforehand, not in the moment. You have to have your cutoffs. You have to build up other ways to decompress, to reward yourself, to mark the end of the day that doesn't always involve alcohol because that would not be mindful drinking if it always involved alcohol to mark one of those events.
Speaker 1:And this actually reminds me of a conversation that I had with Colleen Freeland last week. Colleen was the classic high functioning perfectionist. She looked like she had it all together. But underneath, she was still using alcohol in an unhealthy way. And for years, she tried to just get better at drinking.
Speaker 1:She had new rules, new plans, new promises, hoping that this time it would be the fix. And what finally changed wasn't a perfect moderation strategy. It was actually for her. It was stepping back and asking, why do I feel like I need to rely on this at all? And what needs fixing?
Speaker 1:And how can I handle the stress? And how can I build my life so that I am not constantly reaching for something to take the edge off? And that's what I'm really getting to here. Whether you're moderating or you're taking a break, it all comes back to building a life where alcohol isn't your main tool for regulating your emotions and feeling okay in your everyday life. And I think it's important to point out that for most people, this shifts over time.
Speaker 1:There might be a stretch where abstinence or taking a long extended break is the simplest choice. It takes that decision off the table for you. It gives your brain and body a full reset, and you build new patterns without that constant kinda going back and forth if you're being challenged with mindful drinking or moderation. I know for me, it's much easier for me to just stop. And for six months, sometimes even a year, I'll go, and I just don't think about it.
Speaker 1:And then, for example, when I was traveling in Spain, yeah, on the weekends, that was something that I would do occasionally. So it really can go back and forth. There's nothing permanent here. And then later, you might experiment with moderation and mindful drinking and find that it actually feels totally fine. So if you're moderating right now, I want you to hear this clearly.
Speaker 1:It's not the easiest way. It's not the half hearted effort. It is a valid and often very rewarding way to reshape your relationship with alcohol. And for a lot of people, once you put in that upfront work, it becomes a lot simpler and a lot less consuming than trying to quit cold turkey forever. You don't feel trapped by the absolutes.
Speaker 1:You're not stuck in this all or nothing, and you're just living your life with alcohol in its proper place. So wherever you're at, maybe you're experimenting with mindful drinking, maybe you're thinking about taking a full break. I just wanna say, keep going. It's all valid. It all takes some work.
Speaker 1:Not one's easier, not one's better. People here at Sunnyside who see real transformation aren't the ones who get it perfectly from day one. Of course that happens, but most people in anything in life, that's just not the way it goes. It's usually the ones who stay curious, who track their patterns, who learn from the off days instead of just throwing the whole plan out the window. And, hey, we're full on in summer.
Speaker 1:I did a whole episode on summer, and most people will drift through the summer on autopilot. But remember, you're here. You're thinking about how to actually live the way you want to live, and that's a big deal. That's it for today. If you got anything out of this episode, make sure to leave a review.
Speaker 1:I actually check them after these episodes. So if you leave one and it's a nice comment, I really appreciate it. And to all of you that have, it touches my heart. So thank you so much, and I hope you have a beautiful week, and cheers to your mindful drinking journey. Co to get a free fifteen day trial.
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