A Mindful Drinking Journey with Don Peasley
Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and, of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number 1 alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free 15 day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Join us in this episode as Don Peaslee takes us through his journey towards mindful drinking, demonstrating that even small adjustments can lead to significant change.
Speaker 1:Learn about how leveraging tools like the Sunnyside app can assist in setting realistic goals for long term success. Whether you're looking to rethink your relationship with alcohol or seeking strategies to be more mindful, Dawn's practical approach provides valuable insights and actionable steps for anyone looking to make positive change.
Speaker 2:Okay. Today, I'm here with Don Peasley. And Don is actually a Sunnyside customer, and we love to hear from customers. So we're gonna hear a little bit about his story, his experiences, and the results that he's achieved. But let's just start with some introductions.
Speaker 2:And, Don, why don't you just tell us a little bit about yourself and what led you to this journey of mindful mindful drinking?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, first, thanks for having me on, Mike. I appreciate this. And I'm glad it's a podcast format because I I can go long on this, so we don't have to worry about it. There's a lot of kind of background story on this.
Speaker 3:So first of all, again, Don Peasley. I'm sitting here outside of Detroit, Michigan. And I have been, I've been, a a drinker since I was probably about 15 or 16 years old. And, it was about a little less than 2 years ago, I had that confluence of things kinda come my way that that that let me know it was time to start actually thinking about my drinking and and and and what that meant. Couple of things, my my wife, who I had been a long time caregiver with, died last year.
Speaker 3:And, so that'll get your attention when you see somebody way too young to be to be leaving, losing all those those years on the back end and being sick for as long as she was. She lost a lot of time while she was here. So So that was a bit of a wake up call. Also, I had some heart issues that popped up, right about when she passed away. And I always told myself after these amazingly, positive trips to the doctor's office that I was always 1 bad appointment away from making some changes in my life.
Speaker 3:And when we hear that you've got, what I ended up having was AFib, and that drinking is a contributing factor to heart issues, and the cardiologist are saying you might wanna think about your drinking, and that's another 1. And then the other one's kind of a fun 1. My son and I were auditioning to be on, the amazing race. And, I don't think I was TV ready at the time. So, we, we got a trainer, a nutritionist, kinda give us some some help in getting ready in case we ended up getting on the show, which we did, by the way, which is a whole other thing.
Speaker 3:But anyway, so you get all these things coming to you. And, I had been really thinking about, okay, what what changes are you gonna make now? And, I made a lot of changes at the same time. Again, working with a trainer, thinking about nutrition, focusing on how much sleep I get, all the steps that I get. But the 1 thing that that trainer wasn't responsible for was the drinking.
Speaker 3:And, I actually got served an ad on Facebook, I think, and this notion of not quitting. And I've had a lot of friends who've had to make the decision, over the years that they just it was time. And I always wondered if it was gonna be my time to quit. But the ad and the way Sunnyside positions it is moderation. You can change behaviors without having to quit and go completely, dry.
Speaker 3:And it made sense to me. So I made the decision that this was something and this was a time that I needed to do. And the more you start thinking about how all these things come together, what you eat, how much you sleep, how much you work out, do you sit all day, do you move, how much do you drink, when do you drink. It's all mindfulness. Everything is a decision.
Speaker 3:And I think if I were to give have to give this, like, the elevator speech as to why Sunnyside works, if you stop for a second every time before you take a drink and think, is this what I should be doing? Is this when I should be doing it? Have I had enough? Is today a day where I take a take it easy on myself and don't put alcohol in my body? You start making decisions in a different way on all these levels, and you can do it with drinking.
Speaker 3:And I don't think III know. I never thought about is there a way to behave differently with alcohol. It was either today I'm drinking, and if I'm drinking, it's go time. And, I joked with Ian, at Sunnyside when we met about, spending 40 years as a mindless drinker. And, I've spent the last year and a half as a mindful drinker, and the the benefits are just amazing.
Speaker 2:That's such a great story, and I love to hear that. And it's true. You know, if you approach it sort of almost as, like, all the things that you were doing in your life to improve your health, you just took the same approach kind of like learning a new habit and unlearn maybe ones that you no longer wanna keep in your life. But take me back a little bit to that point when you decided to take some action. You know, before there was probably a point where you thought, well, maybe I'll stop altogether, and, obviously, that was not the route you took.
Speaker 2:So what was it between sort of those 2 choices about giving it up or taking an extended break or being mindful and reducing or cutting back? What was the what was going through your mind that you just thought, you know, this is this is the way I wanna go?
Speaker 3:You know, that your life is just this accumulation of experiences. And I think there were 2 conversations that I had had with different people that came into my head when I started to think that it was time. Several years ago, I was, doing a little therapy. And 1 of the things I asked the therapist to give me an honest assessment was, did she think I was an alcoholic? And she very quickly said no.
Speaker 3:And I was kind of surprised by that. I was thinking she was about to break some news that I was wasn't ready to hear. She said no. And I'll tell you why. When you filled out your intake form, we asked about drug and alcohol use and all this other stuff.
Speaker 3:And she said, you didn't lie on your intake form. That's that's a good number of drinks you're having every week. And if you're an alcoholic, they always lie. And you didn't lie. And, that always struck me as okay.
Speaker 3:I'm not an alcoholic. But she did say that you have to think about your relationship with alcohol. And she just advised that. She goes, you have other things that we can work on. You're not an alcoholic.
Speaker 3:And I looked, okay. So I'm not an alcoholic. Good. But she did tell me I have a relationship issue with with the bottle. And so that was interesting.
Speaker 3:And then I was having a chat with a friend of mine who had a friend who had to go completely sober. And what he said was, you know, an alcoholic can go a couple days without drinking. They can go 4, 5, 6, 7 days. It's once you start and the engine revs up and you get going, and you don't stop, the next thing you know, you've had 8 to 10 drinks and you're a mess. That conversation kinda was ringing in my head, because it wasn't like I was drinking every day.
Speaker 3:It wasn't like I was getting drunk all the time. I just knew that I was not thinking it through. And so when you get in with the app and the app says, let's come up with a plan, start with tell us how much you drink. And I've I've recommended this, to a lot of my friends. And there isn't 1 of them who isn't shocked when they first put the number down and then that 1st week of tracking.
Speaker 3:And these numbers are just big. And and and and these are people with with jobs and families, and they're not alcoholics. They're they just never really thought about it. And so, you know, the other part of this, equation for me is I teach yoga. So by day, I'm an advertising guy.
Speaker 3:I work in advertising. But my side hustle, for the last 6 years has been teaching yoga. And it felt really inauthentic to be going in and standing in front of a room full of people. You know, some of them are there just for the workout. Some of them are there for the quiet, the heat, whatever they're there for.
Speaker 3:In a way, they're all there for something more than they know. And and for me to get up there and try to talk to people about using your breath to make better decisions, to calm yourself down, talking of mindfulness, and then there's this little monster that keeps getting out in me where once the party starts, it doesn't end until it ends. And so I felt kind of inauthentic too. And, you know, my my my friends in over the last year and a half since III started using the the app, they're joking. They they noticed.
Speaker 3:They'll see this little move that I can tell you about. I don't know if we got to pay San Pellegrino now for this, but, I'm I show up to your party, and I'm generally gonna bring a bottle of something. And it might be for you. It's probably for me because I have my own case. I still do that, but I also bring a 6 pack of bottled water, and I'll put that some place.
Speaker 3:And, I'll make sure I'm alternating and slowing myself down. And, it's just this this ability that you I never thought I had. I never thought I'm gonna plan how much I'm going to drink. I'm gonna plan when I'm gonna drink. And the cool news is after a while, you don't even have to plan.
Speaker 3:It becomes natural. You you start to cherish dry days, like, oh, I know. I'm not drinking for 3 days. This week, I'm just gonna go I'm not even gonna think about it. So you take it off the plate, and then you just start to feel, my body really feels different when I give it a little bit of a rest.
Speaker 3:So once you get into it, it's less about the app and more about the behaviors that that you created, and it is noticeable. And and, again, my my friends give me give me stuff about it all the time. I'm fine with it. That's, you know, a baking joke all they want, but no one's carrying me home tonight.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Exactly. And, you know, to your point about bringing that mindfulness to the drinking in the same way that we do with our diets. You know, most people, when they're told, hey. You gotta keep a food or a drink diary of, like, what liquids you're drinking, you know, water or soda or whatever.
Speaker 2:I think they're always shocked at the end of the week or 2 weeks of tracking that. So I think bringing that mindfulness, why wouldn't you if you're doing it in all other areas of your life? Why wouldn't you bring it to other parts that affect your health like drinking? And I totally identify with the part about the yoga and feeling inauthentic because, you know, I had, a time in my life where the only way for me as an entrepreneur to shut down in the evening was to have wine. That was the time to quit.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But but here I was giving advice for businesses, and, also I was healthy in all other ways. You know, I was always active and working out, but it felt inauthentic. It didn't align to the the version of myself that I saw even though it wasn't to an extent where, I guess, you put a label on it, like, you know, or or have some sort of program that you need to get into. So I'm curious to know.
Speaker 2:So, like, what does a healthy lifestyle look like that still involves alcohol for you?
Speaker 3:Yeah. III again, I look at the week ahead, and I plan my workouts. I plan what I'm going to eat. And in that, I I also plan the nights that I'll be either out or I'll have, friends over. And I'll know that if I don't protect some of those nights when I don't have any social commitments, Like you said, coming home from work, advertising, you know, it's it's not the madman days like it used to be, but there's almost a permission and an expectation that you could be out any night of the week at some event, or just meeting up with colleagues at a pub.
Speaker 3:And you just start to plan around that and say, this is what a healthy week is going to look like. And and now I know that that also involves what nights are you going to take off. I mean, I had a 1 of a friend III got on the app, and he was really struggling. And we we sat last month and it was a large amount, but what was happening is I looked at he showed me his month of data, and I go, let's start here. You had 1 dry day all last month.
Speaker 3:As a successful business owner, I don't know how he does it. I said, why
Speaker 2:all of you It's so much more common than people would think, though. You know? It is I hear about it all the time, and you think that, alright. I wanna reduce or take a break or whatever your goal is, and you sort of think that you're alone in this or different than people, but you would just be amazingly shocked at how common and people that you would never dream say, I actually wanna cut back on my alcohol, have the same goal.
Speaker 3:Well, you talk about being authentic, and people are like, why do you keep talking about this? Why would you go on a podcast and admit that you drank too much? Well, you know what? Everybody I know has who drinks has had this conversation with me privately, or we've had it openly in front of other people. Why do you think, you know, dry January is coming up?
Speaker 3:You know, people know this. And once you start talking about it like I did with these friends that then said, tell me about the app and how could I get on it. You know, I just again, back to this this friend of mine, is to think about giving yourself some dry days. Why don't instead of you getting getting on yourself for these large amounts, these you've blown past targets, why don't you say next week, I'm gonna take 2 days off? And see if you can stick to that.
Speaker 3:And, you know, he's working his way through that. And so, you know, that healthy, healthy, it's a plan. And and, again, I don't think people think about planning their lives out. I have a a mentor, mystic, actually. He he he flies above all of us.
Speaker 3:And he's he said this thing about and I applied to a lot of things. You you either design your life or it will get designed for you. Mhmm. And if you think about it, maybe a lot of our lives have been designed by the very business that I'm in, advertising or the entertainment industry, where somebody's always got a drink in their hand. They used to always have a cigarette in their hands.
Speaker 3:And once that stopped, people stopped smoking. So I I we live in a drinking culture. And that in a way, they've designed our lives for us. And if you think about it, and you can design a week at a time, and then you you you give yourself grace because, you know, there were days when when I I didn't hit the targets, you know, I I went past them. I knew why.
Speaker 3:I talked about it. You get you get a little nudge on the phone, and you think about why did I blow past it? What what what decision did I make that said today I had a plan and off of that plan. And then you move on. You give yourself a little grace and you move on.
Speaker 3:And and it's a really it's a really unbelievably positive, fun journey, especially when you're talking to other people who have tried it. They're they're sharing. I was in Vegas a year ago, and I was just sitting at the bar and I had a a drink limit set even for Vegas. And a woman sat down next to me. We started talking.
Speaker 3:She was on the app. And she had made the decision that since they were in Vegas, they weren't gonna track. And I'm like, that's fine. I said, I I'm gonna go out tomorrow night, with a friend, and I'm going to blow past whatever limit I set. I know it.
Speaker 3:But at least I'm sitting here talking to a stranger about mindful drinking, and we were we were having this really cool conversation, and then we went went had our nights, you know. So it I think that's the other thing is it doesn't feel so harsh when you try to modify your behavior as opposed to, you know, just saying I'm done, I quit, and now I've gotta, go sit in a room full of people and talk about it. And for a lot of people, that's that there there was no middle ground in my mind. You're either on or you're off, and this is a wonderful place to find yourself right in the middle.
Speaker 2:Very well said. I mean, I I can feel that also in just the way things are moving in, culturally speaking, that it's more accepted to do this thing. Like, people don't question it. They don't automatically go, oh, well, he must have a problem or something like that. And I also think, you know, if you have if you have that middle ground where you're just you're on a reduction plan or that's your goal, there's not that dividing line between you and maybe the person next to you because I think most people that drink, even if they haven't taken any action, are or have thought about maybe reducing their alcohol.
Speaker 2:And so you said this thing about, you know, giving yourself grace the next day and I and moving past it in a positive way, and I think that that's really important. And you also mentioned things like, you know, sober October or dry January, where even, you know, quote, unquote, normal drinkers have a really hard time getting to the backside of that in a in a successful way. How do you think or what do you think the big difference is for a positive outcome for what we're doing, the dryish January versus going dry January and all or nothing kind of thing?
Speaker 3:Yeah. But any anytime anyone decides whether it's the dry January, sober October, If you make a decision that you're gonna change your behavior, even if just for a month, it's at least that first level of awareness that I'm doing something for a reason. I think the thing that the difference, dry ish, is success is about sustainability and and and consistency. And I know plenty of people who have had dry January's, and I'll see them, you know, staggering around a bar in April, or, you know, blithering at a party in April.
Speaker 2:Or February 1st.
Speaker 3:Or February 1st. Yeah. And I just I think that that that that okay. They've they've they've they've made an attempt, but they they didn't sustain it. It wasn't something consistent.
Speaker 3:And what what adding dry dry ish January, you can partake in this national or global movement of of dry January. But you're going to probably be more sustainable if the habits that you create are what you commit to long term. If you've just taken a month off, great. But if you just go back to 12 months out of the year mindlessly, you know, throwing booze in your face, then what did you get done? Okay.
Speaker 3:Get ready for another dry January and then 11 months of being all over the place. And I never thought I used to joke, like, dry January was stupid because why wouldn't you pick February because it's a couple days shorter. You know, but I never I never tried it. I'm gonna have a dry as January because I made a decision almost 2 years ago that, you know, I I know where I need to be, I I know what I wanna be, and, you know, my trainer tells me the average American between October 1 and January 1 is gonna pick up 10 to 15 pounds. Just happens.
Speaker 3:It's it's the holidays. And I'm doing what I can, to take the yoga classes, get to the gym. I'm watching what I eat as best I can. I'm gonna pick up some pounds. I'm not I don't have to, like, completely blow myself up because I'm not gonna I'm not gonna gain 15 £15.
Speaker 3:It's not gonna happen, and I'm gonna do it by making good decisions. I'm gonna make good decisions with food. I'm gonna make good decisions with booze, And I'll get to January, and I won't need to blow up everything. I won't need to fast or do something different. I just I'll just recommit and not have all the distractions at the holidays, that naturally are gonna present.
Speaker 3:And I'm gonna have fun, but I'm gonna get back to it. And and I know I'm gonna have a lot of drier days in January than I am having right now here in December. It just I know it. But if you have that, and and then I know that that'll be my plan for the rest of the year. It's not that I don't have to really throttle up or throttle down.
Speaker 3:I just need to dial it dial it in, get back to being consistent, making sure you know, my thing is when I'm getting it right, I have more dry days per week than drinking days. So when I'm when I'm in a groove, I got 4 dry days in my pocket. Never drink on Sunday. That's the plan. Don't do it.
Speaker 3:Go into the week, you know, clean and feel good Monday morning. And so I I'll IIII don't need to blow anything up. I know what the plan is. I've got it in my head. And again, that's the thing that didn't exist for the first, you know, 40 plus years of of my my drinking career.
Speaker 3:There was no plan. There was no thought. Just go go go whenever it's made itself available, and that's, you know, that's it. You gotta have these these these strategies. I had a friend, we we we're at our, a company holiday party last week.
Speaker 3:And, this is a friend of mine. We've we've thrown back plenty. And he he came out to me and he said, hey. I need you to be my accountability buddy tonight. And I go, what do you need?
Speaker 3:He goes, I wanna stop at 5 drinks. I just I wanna have 5 drinks tonight. And he's not on the app, but he's heard me talk about it. And I go, okay. So how are we gonna do this?
Speaker 3:He goes, I want you to check-in on me. And so about every, you know, half hour, 45 minutes, I come over and go, what's your number? 2, okay. Keep and we we drove home, with a DD that night, and we were in the car. And I go, how'd you do it?
Speaker 3:He goes, 6. I go, great. It wasn't 10. And you don't Yes. You're you're you're you did great.
Speaker 3:And he was he was he was happy, and he got home. His wife was, like, you know, giving him all kinds of credit. And it was just really it was really cool. He he he he seen me and he seen me go way deep, And he seen me make a change, and I was really proud of him for for making that change for himself.
Speaker 2:That's such a good story. And I think you really nailed it, maybe not even by on purpose, but when you were talking about, you know, going in in January, how you would get more dry more dry days than you would, but you wouldn't even necessarily hold yourself to this strict regimen because it's not a 1 and done, you know, all or nothing thing in January and that it's a sustainable thing that you wanna do all year long. So Yeah. And getting in January, you know, like, it's all about just like you said, he got to, 6, not 5, but not 10, so that's a win. I think January like, let's say you get to January 15th.
Speaker 2:You have 1. You go the rest of the month. Well, hey. That's a lot less than you probably did the month before, and it's still a win versus the other outcome, which would be an all or nothing thing while you get 2 weeks in, you messed up. Well, I might as well throw the whole rest of the year out because I already broke my commitment.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You gotta yeah. Yeah. It it's it's it's finding it's just finding a rhythm for it. And I'll tell you the other thing is with all the stuff I started with, you know, having to deal with some pretty significant grief, you know, losing my losing my mom or losing my losing my wife and, you know, some of the the hard issues that I had. The the by by getting, you know, the drinking in check as a part of this kind of whole integrated health plan, And I, you know, I dropped, like, £25, last year.
Speaker 3:III probably am in the best shape I've been in since my thirties. And I just, I feel, I feel better. And so you that's the other thing is, if you if you maybe think instead of the drinking being something that's holding me back, maybe it's your leader. If you I knew my my biggest issue wasn't the drinking, but it was part of an overall kind of way I I needed to make some change. But if you're if the drinking is the number 1 thing, you think this is what's holding me back.
Speaker 3:So make that a leader. Show show yourself that you've got discipline. We all have a lot more discipline inside us than we think. And if you can find that that little bit of discipline in that area of your life, everything else can follow. And so for me, my thing was just I never paid attention to what I ate.
Speaker 3:I just whatever I wanted. III was conscious of my weight, but I never really thought about what I was putting in my body. And with a nutrition plan, then that made me think about portions and composition, And that once I started thinking about that, getting the get using that, there was an app for that. And then, I mean, we're in an age where technology, either killing us or helping us, and you gotta find the good stuff. There's a simple this app is so simple too.
Speaker 3:Just, you know, logging in emojis every time you take a drink. That's kinda fun. It's easy. And same thing with recording food. Once you just make that little bit of extra effort, and it just it it wakes you up to how you're behaving.
Speaker 3:And again, this whole we get back to mindfulness versus mindlessness. And, you know, I tell my students, we're all 1 deep cycle of breath away from a better decision and then a better outcome. And there there have been a few nights where I'm not supposed to be drinking. It's a dry night. And, something hits.
Speaker 3:I'm like, yeah, I could make myself a nice martini right now. Take that deep breath. Go grab a water and realize you had a plan. You made a commitment to yourself and hold yourself accountable. Don't be a baby, you know.
Speaker 3:Be be accountable.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that. How so tell me how the how would the app have helped you in that moment?
Speaker 3:Well, get up, and it's a dry day. I mean and and you know it's a dry day and you know you've made a plan. And because you've made that do do you really wanna log a drink right now on a dry day? And and you're gonna get a little note back that says, you know, hey, this was supposed to be a dry. You're going to get a nudge for breaking the plan, and that's so you've got this accountability system built in.
Speaker 3:And for me, like, I I would feel like I disappointed the app. You know. Like, that and the front end, I was like, I'm gonna disappoint somebody. But really, what I was doing was I was holding myself accountable. And now it's it's I don't I don't need to to I don't need to tell anybody.
Speaker 3:I need to track. III know what I'm doing. And I know when I know when I'm on a plan. Like I said, I last night, went and watched a football game with a friend. And my plan was a drink at the first half and a drink in the second half, and that's it.
Speaker 3:And stuck to the plan. That was it. And very easily could have been a halftime drink. You know? Very easily could have been a post game drink.
Speaker 3:No. You're getting 1 in the first half, 1 in the second half, and otherwise, you're drinking your water. And it just it's it's a lot easier than I think going into it, it's kinda scary. I think it was for me. But it it it once you get these little, you know, little cheats on how to be a mindful drinker, it it's kinda cool.
Speaker 3:And people notice, and you and you can feel it. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I wanna hear a story about where you went to a social gathering or a party or something like that where maybe it was a little bit challenging, but you came through on the other side the way that you had planned.
Speaker 3:It happened just earlier this month, and it's a, it's a, holiday party I've gone to for 15 years. Best friends. And there there wasn't 1 time when I left that party. I think, 3 years ago. It's it's a walkable distance home, and I didn't wanna wait for an Uber.
Speaker 3:I needed some fresh air, and I staggered the half mile home. This is a known time bomb for me. Just it's gonna be bad. And I made a decision. I said, you're going you're going to stick to a plan tonight.
Speaker 3:And you're not gonna have a number of drinks, but you will not get the next drink until this is gone. And so they have this bartender, helper who who's been at the part these parties, she's been there for all 15 years. She's their go to. And I walked up and I said, Colleen, here's the deal. Here's a bottle of some really nice whiskey.
Speaker 3:It's mine and my friends, and don't give it to anybody else. I said, and then here's a 6 pack of San Pellegrino. Don't give that to anybody else. When I asked you for that next drink, you asked me if I have my water. And she goes, okay.
Speaker 3:Deal. And got done with the first 1. Great. Went and grabbed the water. And and stuck to it.
Speaker 3:And every time I asked for a drink, Conley said, did you have the water? And I'm like, here's my empty bottle to prove it. Now get me in a so and, with about an hour to go, you know, we called an an an Uber, you know, we but I could've driven home the half mile. I could've walked home the half mile. I was I was not III had I had a good time.
Speaker 3:I remember the whole night. I remember who I talked to. I remember what I talked about, and I was not that guy at the party. There were that guy was there. It wasn't me.
Speaker 3:That's 15 years plus of the same party with the same outcomes, except for this year, it was different.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so good. I mean, I think we all have those parties where we just know that it's the 1 party that's probably gonna get us. For for me, it's Thanksgiving time. My my, brothers, in laws all do this huge gathering, and it's always a bottomless, you know, bar setup and a lot of, rowdy people. And yeah.
Speaker 2:So I I just am envisioning the same sort of thing
Speaker 3:for
Speaker 2:you, and you came out on the other side. So that's 1 instance of you winning in a difficult situation. And I'd be interested to know, like, where in this journey where it started to click for you, where where in this journey it started to click for you. You started using Sunnyside. You started being more mindful.
Speaker 2:Was there 1 instance where you went out and you said, that wasn't as hard to change my habits in a way that I normally would have behaved differently use because you started using Sunnyside and because you started being more mindful.
Speaker 3:Like, I I don't think there was 1 instance or 1 moment. I think I'm gonna go back to the dry days. I've got a a full bar right here at the house, and it's got anything you need. And I've got beer and the beer and wine in the refrigerator, and it's ready to go. When I started seeing that it was more common to have those 4 dry days a week without any impact.
Speaker 3:I mean, I'm not going to the pub like I used to, but it's because of the food. It's not because of the drinking. III just I can't eat that food anymore. It's just that it's just it doesn't make me feel good, except on days when I decide I wanna have something like that. So I think what what to me is when it I knew it was working, when it was really clicking and I was I finally could say I'm a mindful drinker, is when I kept looking.
Speaker 3:And I'm at or below my drink targets, and I've got those dry days. I'm stacking dry days. And that habit, like we talked about earlier, of grabbing that glass of wine because it's easy. It's right there. And I didn't I didn't take, you know, and hide the booze on myself.
Speaker 3:I didn't remove things. It's sitting it's all sitting right there. I can can have it anytime I want it, live alone. I was holding myself accountable with the help of the app to have those nights where no. And you know what?
Speaker 3:If if you really wanna have that drink, why don't you just go to bed? Because you you know what you need probably more than that drink? You probably need some sleep. And, so why don't you just go to bed instead of grabbing that drink at 10 o'clock at night that you don't need. So it wasn't I don't III and and I I will tell you if there were some instances, the nights when I didn't drink mindfully.
Speaker 3:Now, I still have them. There'll be those parties where I don't have a plan, or I just decide let it rip. It happens. And, you know, I have them. And I don't think I've had many lately, but they happen.
Speaker 3:And then you wake up next day and go, so that's what it was like all the time? That's what I was doing all the time? How are you still even alive right now? You know, how how how and and again, I get back to, in a way, honoring my wife, who had years taken away. And I was given away weekends, like going hard on Friday, going hard on Saturday, and getting nothing done on Saturday and Sunday because I'm hungover.
Speaker 3:And it just it seemed really, thoughtless to keep going hard and and giving away days instead of waking up and saying, wow, I feel great. What am I gonna get done today? Who am I gonna interact with? Who can I help today? And so that's when it all to me, when it all started to come together, it's just having more and more more and more days where I felt like myself and fewer and fewer days, and I just was like, this is a market.
Speaker 2:Yes. That's so introspective and also thoughtful and just to yourself and to your relationship that you had just, you know, holding it with reverence. We talked about basically it taking to feel bad to to realize how good you felt. So with the mindful drinking, what are some of the benefits that you've had? Do you feel better health?
Speaker 2:Do you feel do you have better sleep? Do you have more clarity? Do you know, maybe you could list off some of what have you we talked about the journey to, getting a handle and more moderation and more mindfulness, what are the benefits that you've seen?
Speaker 3:Well, you know, I I mentioned the heart thing. Doctors would prefer I didn't drink at all. That's not gonna happen. But I know when I am in an elevated kind of social, period, III wear a Fitbit. III need to track some nets just to make sure I know and I feel comfortable.
Speaker 3:I can watch my heart rate, my resting heart rate, when I'm in 1 of these periods where I'm not having those dry days, and it starts to rise. It goes up. And then when I go, okay, party boy, kind of throttle back and get back into the game, You can watch it come right back down. I mean, the the metrics are right there. I could track when I'm not behaving in a way that's consistent with my decision to wanna live a long long time and not do any more to my heart than than I've already than I've already done over the years.
Speaker 3:So, I mean, the the data is right there. And I'm a data person, you know. IIII it's why these things work. It's why measurement works for me. So I can tell you right now, my heart knows when I'm drinking mindfully.
Speaker 3:Literally, it tells me, from my Fitbit. And and that to me is just it's just amazing that that you can just take a look. Okay. III need to have a a cleaner week. The sleep thing, yeah.
Speaker 3:III know it and that that was 1 of the big things. You know, living alone, coming home, and or when I was a caregiver, you know, and I'd put my wife to bed. And that's like when at 10 o'clock. That's when my night started because I needed some time alone. And it was almost 1 for 1, get her to bed, come downstairs, pour a drink, get on the computer, do whatever.
Speaker 3:And what was happening is then I'd wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning, sitting in a chair with my neck like this, and it hurt. And I was and I had to go to work the next day. I had to be a caregiver the next day, and that wasn't working. And I can probably count on 1 hand the number of times this past year when I've woken up in a chair. And, that was another metric of just, yeah, put your butt in bed.
Speaker 3:Don't pour it. Just go to bed. So still working on the sleep. There's a lot of other, things that keep me up at night beyond the booze. But, but, yeah, the sleep was definitely definitely being impacted, and and it it it it you can definitely feel it the next day too.
Speaker 3:So I think those to me, those those those benefits. And it it really is what you're capable of the next day. If if I'm got now a trainer and we've got a plan and I've committed that, you know, Tuesday or Wednesday is a workout day, and and if I don't get it shut down the night before, how you gonna go in and and and exercise and get the most out of the time that you're exercising. If you feel like crap, go in. And that's how the thing starts to snowball.
Speaker 3:Because then, you know, you have too many drinks the night before, feel like crap the next day, you you either don't go to the gym at all or you put in a a half assed effort. And then you come home, you feel like you're not great, so you maybe eat some stuff you shouldn't eat. Just it it you can either snowball or you can set a trajectory and and follow that that higher that higher trajectory. And that's, again, that's that's what that's what this whole thing is all about, and it's working.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, it it affects 1 decision can affect a lot of different things. And, you know, you got your heart rate. You got your days on fitness. And the other big metric is the days in chair or nights in chair that you Yeah.
Speaker 2:The nights
Speaker 3:in chair are way down.
Speaker 2:So those metrics are on the the right numbers, and you know you're on the right path.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. 50 doesn't track knights in chair. Neckdove.
Speaker 2:No. So I'm interested to just know if you don't mind elaborating a little bit more about, like, your experience with Sunnyside. What is your favorite feature that you found to be the most helpful for you?
Speaker 3:The the the calendar planning tool. To to to literally sitting down and you'll get a recommendation, you know, the app will say, based on last week and your trend, here's what we think. To be able to to take that recommendation and then look at my calendar and and say, look. I know last week, Thursday, was a dry day, but I've got a client dinner. And I'm going I there's no there's no intention there to say I'm just gonna tell my client, sorry, I can't drink tonight because it's dry day on my ass.
Speaker 3:I'm not doing that. But say, okay. But Wednesday, shift it around. And so I I when when you set that total and then you and you you go for those dry days to be able to make a plan that comprehends, if if you don't have, I have a fairly consistent life, but things come up and I know it far enough advanced. I can set the plan to the reality of the week I'm about to have.
Speaker 3:And that's that I think that's the the the the planning feature. Once you set that plan, if you're if you're a planner like me and you're, you have a little bit of discipline or maybe a lot, set the plan. And I'm a diver too, scuba diver. So, you know, plan to dive, dive to plan, get back on the boat. That's that's how it works.
Speaker 3:And I think about my drinking kinda like that. I'm gonna set the plan. I'm gonna drink to the plan, and then I'm gonna have a good week. It's that simple. So I I love that calendar function.
Speaker 2:That's so good. That's so good. I love it. If somebody was to ask you, hey. You know, Don, you're doing really good.
Speaker 2:I love you know, the results I can see a difference in you. I heard you talking about mindful drinking. How can I how can I get started with that? What would you answer that question with?
Speaker 3:It's the same thing I tell them. First of all, there's there's there's only a couple types of drinkers out there. 1 is the drinker that's very happy with the amount they drink. And they that doesn't say they drink a little or a lot. They they they they're right where they need to be.
Speaker 3:And that's that's great. If you're if you're if you're if you're comfortable with your relationship with alcohol, great. Then there's those who are not comfortable, but they decide not to do anything. They they they don't accept that they have the ability to change, and so they just keep doing it. That's that's mindless.
Speaker 3:And then there's those who try, and they know they've got an issue. They they know they've got a relationship that they need to monitor and maybe change, and then they try. And those are the people, the ones that that that are at that point, you know, I got there. I had a heck of a lot going on all at once that pushed me into my point, my inflection point of needing to do something different. However you get there, however a friend gets there, I think they know I'm the person to talk to.
Speaker 3:And, you know, I tell them, I have friends who have just said, that's it. I quit. And and they've been successful. A lot of them have just done it, and that's impressive. Good for you.
Speaker 3:But if that's not you, if that's just setting you up for failure, or you want to try something different, you really can change the way you behave. And then I get into my, you know, yoga teacher mode and just tell them that that it all comes down to making choices. And in yoga, we make a decision to breathe differently, we take make the decision to close our eyes, and we start to feel the benefits, then you start to move the body, then the body can start to get into it. But really, if if you get back to the basics, it's a moving meditation, and it's learning how to slow things down with your breath, and and then start to truly feel what's going on. And so it gets a little weird for some people sometimes when I speak like this, but it it just there's this this power that we have that we just give away to really make an impact.
Speaker 3:And if you're at that point, and if you think you've got a relationship with the bottle that you need, you do. If you're thinking about it, it's there. So now what are you gonna do about it? And if you'd like to try something that worked for me, and I'll be your accountability buddy, I I offer this to anybody that I recommend the app to. Like, if you wanna talk to me about your experience, call me, and I've I've had people call and and talk about it, you know.
Speaker 3:And and it's just it that's and and I'm like this guy that just said, help me get get through a night. He's not I I don't think he's moderate, mindfully drinking today. I don't know what he's doing today. I just know he made a decision, and on 1 night, he wanted to have a different outcome, and so he behaved differently. And I was really proud of him.
Speaker 3:And we all have that ability to make that decision for a day or a week or a month or the rest of your life that you're gonna behave differently. And and, again, I'm not gonna quit drinking. I love whiskey. I love martinis. I'm not throwing the beer back because it's, it it's it, know, I'm drinking a lot less beer.
Speaker 3:It's not our strategy for what I'm trying to get done health wise, but, I'll have some drinks tonight. My kid's coming in from from New York. We're going to dinner. We'll have some drinks. It'll be fun.
Speaker 3:But I know I'm gonna put some dry days together next week, and and and and I'll have a fun holiday, and I'll keep it in check. And I'll I'll I got a 12 pack of these for the the holidays. So I got my I got my cheats in place.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Exactly. Like you said, I love that. You you got a plan in place, and you've been just consistently improving, and you got you're to a point that it just seems like you're very happy. Do you have a plan since plan is a big part of it, as you said, is there a plan for 2024 that differs from 2023?
Speaker 3:Yeah. IIIII do. So, I pick a word every year. I quit doing New Year's resolutions, and I, I picked a word this year was was transition. And boy, was it.
Speaker 3:For me and for my kid, and and for this felt like a a transition from who I was. And I'm I'm now going someplace. I've I my word for next year is action. And, and you can put taking action or mindful action, however you want, but it's action. And to the extent that when I do drink and on those days when I when I'm drinking more than than maybe I should, that next day is not productive.
Speaker 3:It's not as productive. And so I think my thing for next year is I'm I'm gonna try to really have very few nights where I knowingly go deep and and really just it I'm mindful, because I'm saying, you know what? Tonight, tonight, just let it rip. I don't know how how tomorrow's gonna go. I'm still making those decisions, you know, maybe once a month, maybe twice a month, where I'm just like, it's part I got a party I'm going to, I've I've got an Uber, I'm staying over, I'm not driving, and I just let it rip.
Speaker 3:And, I don't think those days are really good for me. Never was, never will be. And so I think I'm gonna be mindful with even the days when I know it's it's a it has a potential, and I and I have previously said, let's go. I'm gonna really work on on saying, can I I'll put a limit and see if I can have just damn few of those just messy nights? Me.
Speaker 3:Because there's there's still III tell everybody, there's still that monster inside of me. He's there. And I want whether it's the alcohol or whether it's the food or whether it's the sleeping when I go get myself to sleep, I wanna see if I can be a little bit more consistent and not have a couple of, you know, blow up weekends, blow up nights, and things like that. So try to make sure I'm I'm not becoming this really, you know, mindful drinker for 5 5 days out of the the week, and then having a a bumpy bumpy weekend or something like that. So that that I think that's gonna be the the the goal for for this coming year.
Speaker 2:I think that's a great goal. I you're becoming more and more self aware. You know where maybe you've you've got you've improved greatly, and you're just gonna continue to improve. You know? And that's what it's all about is growth.
Speaker 3:Yes. Yes.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you this. And I laugh at myself in asking this because I feel like it's the laziest thing I could ask. But is is there a question that I didn't ask you that you wish I would have and why?
Speaker 3:I think a great question would be, do you ever see yourself going back to the old version of you?
Speaker 2:Let's hear it.
Speaker 3:The answer is absolutely not. Absolutely not. On no level do I ever envision myself not taking my health as seriously as I do now. I don't envision me taking the Fitbit off and not worrying about steps, or not getting that reminder that, you know, you only got 5 hours of sleep last night, that's why you feel like crap today, or going back to, you know, throwing down 3 or 4 beers, every night just because I can't. So this whole, the whole approach and that is the approach I I'm, I'm gonna take because, you know, I'm gonna be 60 next year.
Speaker 3:And, I read a book when I was in my late forties. A friend gave it to me. It's called Younger Next Year. And it debunks this mindset that Americans have that you get to 50, and then it's just a linear progression to 80 when the body breaks. And so every year, you're just gonna expect to get worse and worse and worse.
Speaker 3:And this book talks about it's a hockey stick. Yes. At 80, generally, all of our bodies are gonna break and there's nothing you can do about it. But if you can see your fifties, sixties, and seventies are at a constant state of decline, Nope. Think about the things that you can do to be healthier next year, not less healthy.
Speaker 3:And it's eat, sleep, drink, relationships, exercise, it's keeping your life full. And so I I wanna feel, when I turn 60, like, I I just put in a decade where from 50 to 60, and if I stay on the path I'm on right now, I can guarantee you that I I remember my 50th birthday party, and I remember what I was doing when I turned 50, and I remember what I was doing in my early fifties. And I can tell you right now, I am healthier, a lot healthier at 60. And that's my plan is to stick it, I'll get to November. I'm gonna turn 60 healthier than when I was 50, and then I'm gonna figure out, you know, how do I get to 70 and feel that same way.
Speaker 3:And it's gonna have to be more more of the good stuff, and less of the things that hold me back. And if I if I can continue with those moderation trends, and focus in on the healthier stuff, who knows what set what 70 looks like. But I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna feel like I at least got the first of the 3 decades of feeling younger next year. I I got that 1 right.
Speaker 2:You got the right insights. I mean, you got the plan and the right mindset for success. You know? And I think, boy, now I wanna get that book because I'm not quite 50 yet,
Speaker 3:but Send me your address. I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll make it AAA Christmas gift. I'd love to see.
Speaker 2:That's very kind. I would definitely take you up on that. So thanks.
Speaker 3:Do it. Do it. You know, and then here's the other thing, and this is part of action. You know, unfortunately, 1 of the things that happens to caregivers, you know, my wife had Huntington's disease, And it is a long decline, 10, 20 years of just a steady decline. And as her frontline caregiver, I got AIII got I got kicked out I got kicked up pretty bad.
Speaker 3:It's it's not easy. And I know the alcohol was part of that. It was it was part of how I I dealt with it. And you see it in other caregivers, whether they're dealing with Huntington's or dementia or cancer. Just the whole caregiving journey is, is really something I'm I'm I'm I'm very sensitive about.
Speaker 3:And I I'm trying to figure out if the thing I wanna do is write a book about it. And I don't know if I've got a book in me. I think I do.
Speaker 2:You definitely do. You definitely do.
Speaker 3:And and I I don't want it to be a downer. I think a lot of caregiving books are really sad, and and there's there's no there's no brightness to them. And the thing that, and this is what again, we're taking care of yourself. You know, everybody's got the, you know, put your air mask on first, you know, hold the whole plane metaphor. That's easy to say.
Speaker 3:That's 1 that's, like, 1 thing. But day in, day out, trying to find ways to keep yourself strong and not do the things that that weaken you so that when and caregiving always ends. There's there's a point where you're no longer a caregiver, and you wanna be something on the other side of that journey that has life left in it. And and even beyond that, the if if the book ever gets done, the cool thing is you develop some superhero powers through the caregiving journey. That if you can get to the other side, you're actually grateful.
Speaker 3:It's a hard thing to process, and then and, I think it took me a while after my wife passed away for me to even start to understand the gift of being put in a very difficult situation, and then what that can can do for you and supposed to do it to you. And so I wanna make sure caregivers out there who are sitting around and not taking care of themselves, either with the food or smoking or drugs or alcohol, and it's happy in this Huntington's community. Families get torn up. And I've got a a bracelet on right now. It's a Huntington's bracelet.
Speaker 3:Family is everything, because it is a family disease, and it can rip apart families, and I've seen it happen. I didn't let it happen to mine. And I would like to help others not let whatever caregiving situation they're confronted with, let them know there's there's there's some mobility in what you're doing. And if you can get through to the other side, you're gonna be a superhero. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I mean, I think in just listening to you, first, I think you could definitely write this book in an angle that you that you would have liked to have had when you were going through those difficulties. And I think sometimes we have to go through some pretty dark things to really be able to come out with knowledge that can help other people, and I feel that from you. I feel like you have a lot of knowledge, and I feel like you have a helping, kind soul that that could give back. So I encourage you to write that book, and you could give it your own unique spin.
Speaker 2:Maybe the parts that you didn't see in the other books, that
Speaker 3:you wish you would have. That should be in yours. Yeah. I've already got the website and the title. You ready?
Speaker 3:I'm ready. Yoga and martinis. Love it. I said it I said it to a woman, who's a really good friend of mine, and she's in the Huntington's community. And I said, yoga and martini saved my life.
Speaker 3:And she goes, I don't know about the martinis part, but I'm sure the yoga saved my life. I'm like, okay. We will agree on half of the book. We've since had a few martinis together, so I think she she understands the the dynamic.
Speaker 2:Well, I think you got 5050. You'll draw them in
Speaker 3:from 1 or the other. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, this has been incredible, Don. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience, your successes, your struggles. You know, you put yourself out there and we're vulnerable, and I I really personally appreciate that, and I know that anyone that's gonna hear this well as well. So thank you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And for anybody who listens, if you're thinking about it, take action, and, you'd be surprised at how much discipline you actually have inside of you.
Speaker 2:Amazing. Thanks. Thank you, Don.
Speaker 3:Alright. Thanks, Mike. Take it easy. Have a great holiday.
Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number 1 alcohol moderation platform, having helped 100 of 1000 of people cut out more than 13, 000, 000 drinks since 2020. And in fact, an independent study showed that Sunnyside reduced alcohol consumption by an average of 30% in 90 days. And as 1 of our members shared, Sunnyside helps me stay mindful of my drinking habits. It's not super restrictive. So if I'm craving a glass of wine with dinner, I just track it and I move on with my week.
Speaker 1:If you could benefit from drinking a bit less and being more mindful of when and how much you drink, head on over to sunnysidot co to get a free 15 day trial. You'll get access to everything that we offer, including tracking and planning tools, coaching from our experts, a vibrant community of people just like you, and the motivation and advice to stay on track with your health goals, all with no pressure to quit. That's sunnysidedot
Speaker 3:co.
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