Journey to the Sunnyside

Mike: 00:00

Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and, of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free 15 day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Hey.

Mike: 00:37

1st, before we get started, I wanna tell you about a project that I'm very excited that I've been working on behind the scenes here. And that is our 40 lesson masterclass on mindful drinking is now available to everyone, and it's absolutely free. And I really put all my heart into this because I know it can help others, and we wanted to make it available to anyone that it could benefit. So if you want to go to learn. Sunnyside.co, you can get free access to that.

Mike: 01:07

And let me just tell you real quick, not only have I drawn from my own personal experiences in my research and writing the book and habit formation and all my expertise, but I also wanted to make this incredible with some of the top experts in the world. So I brought in Nir Eyal. He was happy to contribute. He is literally one of the top experts in the world on habit formation. We also brought in doctor Andrew Tatarski.

Mike: 01:33

If you listen to his episode or haven't listened to it, go listen to it on Journey to the Sunnyside. Andrew is a pioneer in harm reduction strategies, and he is just an incredible human being. Andrew came in to teach on this course as well. So, again, it's free. Learn.sunnyside.co to get access to that.

Mike: 01:54

Alright. We're gonna try another one of these solo episodes. And in this one, I'm gonna go over the 7 factors that sabotage your efforts to drink less. And this is gonna be a different format. I'm going to talk straight to the camera.

Mike: 02:06

I'm sitting here on my couch right now. I'm currently in Scottsdale, Arizona. I've mentioned a few times in other episodes that my family right now were doing the nomad lifestyle. So right now, of course, summer in Scottsdale sounded like the best option. Of course, I could.

Mike: 02:25

But it's a 115 degrees out, and I'm sitting here on my couch, and I wanna talk to you about these seven factors that could sabotage your efforts to drink less. And we'll get into number 1, which is the comparison trap. Why measuring against others sets you back? So I want to start with a personal story here. And that is basically, when I used to drink and I was unhappy with where I was and how much I was drinking and how often I was drinking, oftentimes I would explain it off by comparing myself to others, to other people that I knew, potentially other celebrities that I saw out, you know, in the limelight.

Mike: 03:06

And I'd say, well, you know, they're drinking, so it's probably alright. Or, hey. I know so and so goes out and plays a round of golf and drinks a 12 pack when he goes out. Or, hey, I know that my other colleague goes to happy hour almost every single evening. Maybe this is just fine.

Mike: 03:23

Like, I don't need to really change much. But deep down, I knew that I did. And so comparing yourself to others is gonna set you back because number 1, everyone's goal is unique to their own. And so if it feels out of alignment, it really doesn't matter what somebody else does because they might be just fine with that. They're not thinking about it.

Mike: 03:45

And maybe it's just not affecting them the same way or maybe it is. A lot of the time we will compare ourselves to others and think that everything's just fine. And then down the road, you find out actually they were a complete mess and they needed to make a change. And so we might be benchmarking ourselves off of somebody that is actually not somebody to look up to. And when I'm sharing my personal story, the moment that I realized that was when I looked at all the people that I looked to for that's how I want to be in life.

Mike: 04:20

So I did it with business, I found somebody that was very successful. And I wanted to align myself to those high goals. When I did it with health, I would find somebody that was the the pinnacle of fitness that knew what they were talking about. And I would compare myself and want to strive for that. But for whatever reason, when it came to alcohol, I looked for the middle ground.

Mike: 04:42

I looked for a reason that, well, if so and so does it, then it must be okay. And so that's my personal story. And I know that a lot of people have had this the same internal monologue. And just stop comparing yourself to others. Stop looking to others for validation of whether or not you should do something or not do something, and lead with your own heart and your own gut.

Mike: 05:06

That's what it's built in for, and align to where you want to be. So stop comparing yourself to others. Number 2, strength versus weakness and breaking this myth that real change requires real strength. And if you don't do so, then that means you're weak. And this is a very, very typical trap that many of us fall into and that is when we set goals and we don't achieve them, especially when it comes to alcohol because when we don't achieve them, we tend to be in a lower mood.

Mike: 05:39

It's not about weakness. It doesn't mean that you're weak. It's about setting goals. It's about understanding your drinking habits. It's understanding things like the habit loop, understanding mindfulness practices that we can do to step out of those triggers, to step out of those, cravings that we get, and to be able to have a plan to move forward.

Mike: 06:01

Because if we just rely on being strong or weak, well, number 1, that's a cycle of just beating yourself up saying that you're weak. But it's also if you're gonna rely just on strength alone. Strength alone is another way of putting that is willpower. And as you know, I wrote a whole book on willpower is just really not the answer because willpower is finite. Willpower will run out, and it is not a long term strategy to change habits.

Mike: 06:29

It's only a resistance strategy. And eventually that'll give away. So number 1, change that mindset. If you slip up, you're not weak, or if you've prolonged getting, to where you want to be and not making the changes, that doesn't mean that you've been weak up to this point. And don't rely on strength for that change.

Mike: 06:49

We're gonna be more strategic on that. We're gonna use actual strategies and a plan and we're gonna set goals in place. So it goes beyond strength and weakness. Alright. Next one.

Mike: 07:00

Pouring alcohol over stress and finding relief, you know, through drinking. And this is a big one. You do not want to use alcohol if moderation is your goal as a coping mechanism. Alcohol should be enjoyed. It should be something that's fun.

Mike: 07:16

It's something that we want on with others potentially. Like, let's go for a beer. That then doesn't become about the beer. It's a reason to get together, and then the actual gathering is fun in the bonding, not the drinking itself. Because it if it was, let's get together together for a 6 pack, then it would be about the drinking.

Mike: 07:35

But if it's for a beer, it's something for enjoyment. It's something for bonding. Same with, like, I just enjoy to have a drink on the beach. You're not doing that because you're stressed. You're doing it because it's something that brings you joy.

Mike: 07:48

But if you're coming home and you're saying, I just don't even wanna think about today. All you're doing is pouring that alcohol on your stress. If you don't wanna think about something and it is ruminating and you're getting anxiety and you're like, I have to have a drink to shut this down, that's pouring alcohol on your anxiety. And we know that, first of all, that's a short term, band aid because what it's gonna be is sitting right there for you to pick it up, in a lower mood. So you're gonna have to deal with the same problem, but feeling worse and not being able to deal with it in a better frame of mind.

Mike: 08:25

Sure. You can actually, like, in your mind, create a visual of what stress looks like, of what anxiety might look like, or maybe just kind of dealing with difficulties. And if you could see yourself pouring onto that, in my mind, I'm like, okay, am I pouring it onto that? Yes, I am. So I can't, I should not be doing this right now.

Mike: 08:45

I should be reserving it for fun. So I think that makes the point there. And let's move on to the next one. That is if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Yes.

Mike: 08:56

We all have goals. Like, I want to drink less. But what's our plan? We've gotta have a plan. We've gotta see what that looks like on a daily basis, on a quantity basis on those days.

Mike: 09:08

What is the long term? You know, know, you don't wanna just say I wanna drink less and then not have, like, it could be 30%. It could be 50%. It could be, like, I'm gonna cut my drinks in half. I'm only gonna drink on Saturdays.

Mike: 09:21

But the plan has to be there and how we get there is necessary. And I've talked about this and I think anyone that has paid attention to Sunnyside knows that it's all about a foundation based on planning. And so planning is extremely important, and it's anything in life. We think about, I wanna be rich. If we don't think about what are the steps that I need to do, how can I reverse engineer, get to my goal?

Mike: 09:48

We already know that it's not gonna happen if you don't write that plan down and start putting steps into place to make it happen. Okay. The next one is hidden stigma, why labels hold you back. And this is a big one. It was for me, my personal experience, I'll share here real quick, is that back when I started questioning my drinking, there was not this concept of, mindful drinking and moderation so much in the mainstream.

Mike: 10:11

And it was basically you were a normal drinker or a non drinker or an alcoholic. Those were basically the three things that you could be. You could either be quote, unquote normal, alcoholic, or or a non drinker. And early on, I felt this need to put a label on where I was with my drinking. Am I problematic?

Mike: 10:32

Am I normal? Am I alcoholic? And what does that mean? And I went and took one of those tests that you find online. So I did the Google, like, you know, drinking test.

Mike: 10:41

How do I know if I'm an alcoholic? And did the test. And, of course, it came back and said, yes, you're an alcoholic, and you need to go do x y z. It basically chose my direction for me and told me, that's the only answer for you. So I went to my wife and I told her and showed her, and she said, that can't be right because I just I I live with you.

Mike: 11:01

I know your behaviors, and I know you wanna get better, but I you're definitely not an alcoholic. Let me take this test. But she took the same test. She's not even, a heavy drinker and doesn't drink that much. And it also told her that she was an alcoholic and I thought, that's interesting.

Mike: 11:18

So this label, actually the need to label put me back to, okay, now I'm a normal drinker. So I categorize myself as a normal drinker, and if I wasn't a normal drinker, then I was alcoholic. So both of those didn't kept me from moving forward. If I thought the need to act give myself the label of alcoholic, that is already in a box. I boxed myself into this is a one size fits all solution moving forward, and that didn't align for me.

Mike: 11:46

Even if I wanted to give a, alcohol, it just that direction of who was putting that label on it and what it looked like, do as I say, this is the only way, didn't align, so I didn't move forward. And then you move back to this quote, unquote, normal drinker. Well, if you think you're normal and you give yourself that label, then you end up not making any change because you're, like I said, normal. And so putting these labels on us, in some instances, it's helpful for people. But for the vast majority of people, it's self limiting, or it's a self fulfilling prophecy of something that maybe didn't exist or a route that didn't need to go down that direction, but was because of the label.

Mike: 12:28

But by and large, the vast majority of us who want to make a change, we have agency over our habits, and we have regulation over our emotions. And how we choose to move forward, we can set those goals without the need to actually place a label on it that then has a predetermined one size fits all direction. So if that aligns to you, then choose your own path. What does success look to you? And drop the need for labels.

Mike: 12:58

Okay. Next one. Setting the stage, creating an environment for success. So I can speak to this from my own experience. Having alcohol in abundance in the house did not set a good stage for me, especially in the early moments when I wanted to make a change.

Mike: 13:15

Having them there made it just way too accessible and it also removed part of the ritual for when I did want to have a drink. And so I'll share my experience here. So I like to have wine in the evening. If I had a bunch of bottles of wine in the evening and I said to myself, well, tonight I'm not gonna drink, tomorrow night I can drink, or tonight I'm gonna only have this amount. That made it really difficult, because number 1, it's arm reach away.

Mike: 13:44

So for for some people, that's not a problem to see it. For other people, just seeing it as a trigger. So keep in mind, if that's a trigger for you, you might wanna think about not having a big supply in the house or have it away where it's out of sight, out of mind. Setting up the environment is really important. So on top of that, let's say I did make a commitment that day and I'm thinking about breaking that, right?

Mike: 14:11

I have to actually get in my car. I have to go to the store. I have to purchase it. I have to come home. I have to go through all these different steps.

Mike: 14:18

And in that's that process, there's a lot of opportunity where I can, with some strategy, be able to walk off from that. And we also know that cravings usually only last 15 to 20 minutes. And so I have 15 to 20 minutes there where I have to go to the store where potentially I could stick to my commitment because I changed the environment that I'm at. And also leading to this is also the amount that you have. So if you do decide you want to have drinks in the house, keep in mind that each time you have a drink or 2, your ability to stick to your goals is gonna lower.

Mike: 14:58

And so you might have more temptation to overindulge in that sitting. So setting up an environment, if this is a trigger for you, I think is important. It's it's a no brainer, but a lot of us don't do it even though it's very obvious for us to make that change. So set the environment. Alright.

Mike: 15:16

And then the final one is FOMO and drinking, the fear of missing out and fun. I've talked about this quite a few times both in the interviews, and I touched on it briefly in the last solo episode where really it's this is a big driving factor where especially when people are getting started, they think that they're gonna miss out. And that mindset needs to shift. You really need to focus on what you're gonna gain and realize. And once you get into it and start doing this, you're gonna realize, wow, I'm actually not missing out.

Mike: 15:47

I'm actually gaining way more. Like, I'm first of all, I'm reclaiming my day. If I'm overindulging in the evening, your day is wiped out. So all of a sudden you've got a full day, clear mind, good mood, better sleep, but also you're gonna participate in more activities, potentially activities that you never did previously. And so all of a sudden, you're opening up these opportunities.

Mike: 16:11

And the things that maybe you're worried about missing out on, you might realize that they're actually not that great. The activity wasn't what you were showing up for. You were showing up for the alcohol. It just happened to be an excuse to drink at those activities. And I've said this before, the sober test, go do some of those things, sober and see if you actually enjoy them.

Mike: 16:33

You might look at them in different light and be, well, I don't even understand why I actually like this. This is pretty boring or people are acting stupid. Or you just found something new that you're doing now that is way more exciting to you. So for me, I've said this before waking up, going mountain biking, that adrenaline, the camaraderie with friends, that was way more fun than the bonding, quote, unquote, bonding that I would have going out for drinks with friends in the evening, then not hearing from each other the next day at all. Like, that wasn't actually that much fun.

Mike: 17:09

And so fear of missing out, really take a look at it and realize, hey, I stand to gain a lot more than I do to miss out on. Okay. And so that does it for this episode. Each of these points actually could be an entire episode in themselves. So we kinda ran through this a little bit fast.

Mike: 17:28

I'm trying some new formats. And the only way that I can know if this is beneficial or if you'd like me to adjust things is by you to let me know. So if you could send me an email of what you thought about this to mike@sunnyside.co, that would mean the world to me. And if you really wanted to show some appreciation, wherever you're listening to this, whether it be on Apple or Spotify or some other platform, if you could leave a review, an honest review, that's all I'm asking for, about what you think of the podcast, that is the best way that you could support the podcast. Again, thanks so much for listening, and I'll see you in the next episode.

Mike: 18:07

This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform, having helped hundreds of thousands of people cut out more than 13,000,000 drinks since 2020. And in fact, an independent study showed that Sunnyside reduced alcohol consumption by an average of 30% in 90 days. And as one of our members shared, Sunnyside helps me stay mindful of my drinking habits. It's not super restrictive. So if I'm craving a glass of wine with dinner, I just track it and I move on with my week.

Mike: 18:39

If you could benefit from drinking a bit less and being more mindful of when and how much you drink, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free 15 day trial. You'll get access to everything that we offer, including tracking and planning tools, coaching from our experts, a vibrant community of people just like you, and the motivation and advice to stay on track with your health goals, all with no pressure to quit. That's sunnyside.co.