10-Minute Mondays: Who Are You Without the Buzz?
Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and of course, your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hartenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Welcome back to Journey to
Mike:the Sunnyside. I'm Mike Hardinbrook, and if you're listening to this, it's very likely that you are cutting back or you're doing more dry days on your mindful drinking journey. And alongside of that, you probably felt some version of what I'm going to talk about. And that is that maybe on those dry days, it's not always the drink that you miss, especially in social situations. It's that version of you that kind of comes along with having that drink.
Mike:So maybe, you know, you might feel more social. You might feel more relaxed or more present with the person that you're with. And when you take the alcohol out of that picture, sometimes it can feel like you're missing something. And that also can start to drive your enthusiasm down for wanting to have your dry days or going to social situations where there might be drinks. So it feels like it's actually holding you back.
Mike:Like you're not fully you showing up at these gatherings. What I want to talk about today is it's not whether you drink or you don't drink. It's more about what happens to your identity when that buzz quote unquote isn't there and how you can get that version of yourself back without needing the drink to bring it out of you. So let's start today's episode with a question. When you drink, especially when you hit that slight buzz or that euphoric effect is coming on pretty good, what version of you shows up?
Mike:Think about a time maybe when you just felt the right amount of loose and a lot of levity to your personality. Now describe that version of yourself in three words. So go ahead and say them out loud or jot them down or whatever or just think them. Most people say things like I'm more fun, I'm more confident, I'm easygoing and social makes me more chill. All those attributes that isn't a fake version of you.
Mike:It isn't just the alcohol that comes out. You already have those traits, but alcohol has trained us and our brain to associate that buzz as the way to access all those qualities that we positively associate with having a dream. It's not giving you something new. It's just sort of removing the filter that was keeping you from those, to access them easily. So let's try a mental exercise.
Mike:And I call this identity mapping. So step one is name the buzz traits that we listed. They might've been the ones I just told you about. They might be unique ones, but what are the three words that describe how you feel when you have those drinks, you know, the first two or three or whatever. So hold on to those.
Mike:And then step two is ask when else did I feel this way? Try and recall a time where you felt those things without alcohol. It might've been laughing with a friend on a walk. It might've been playing music or dancing with your kids around the house or sitting by the ocean with your partner or hiking and just talking maybe after a good workout or a sauna. You know, I always feel great after those.
Mike:Or just being at dinner where you're fully present with the person that you're with. And I'm sure you can think of many instances where that side of you has come out and you didn't even recognize it necessarily because it's part of who you are. However, we have this connection where it's automatic. We know that when we have the drinks, it'll automatically happen. But if you start to identify and prove to yourself that it happens more often than you probably realize.
Mike:So it's important to prove to yourself that this is something that happens often and that it's important because you don't need to have a drink to become that version of yourself. So you just need a different way to access those emotions, those feelings that we tie to alcohol. So let me give you a quick example. This is just a fictional example. So imagine somebody heading out to a small get together, nothing formal, just a few close friends.
Mike:Normally they'd have a drink to take the edge off. They think that it helps loosen them up and be more in the moment, but this time they decided it's a dry day. And so they expected ahead of time to feel a little off to probably be quiet, not as outgoing. But instead of putting the focus on themselves and concentrating on that, they put the conversation and the focus on who they were interacting with. Then the conversation easily, because when you take the pressure off yourself to do that, just engage with the person, it starts to flow.
Mike:You begin, maybe you're laughing, maybe you're telling stories. And eventually you're just in the moment being yourself. And you can do this without a drink, without any ever. And in this instance, that's what this person did. There was no drink.
Mike:There was no ever. And it turns out that comfort can come from the people, the familiarity and the vibe, not the alcohol itself. So they didn't have to try and be social. They just were, they were themselves. They tapped in to that side of them that they always get when they have a drink that is inside of them.
Mike:It's not from the dream. So here's something to consider. Sometimes we drink to shift something inside of us to change how we feel, to unlock maybe a different version of ourselves, or maybe just a tweaked version, you know, a little bit different. But what if that version is already always there? And what if on the dry days they aren't about missing out?
Mike:They're about remembering. Remembering that you can be fun without forcing it. Remembering that you can be calm without needing something to numb it and that you can be social without using alcohol as a crutch. So to keep driving the coin home, these traits aren't made by alcohol. They're just temporarily easier to reach with it.
Mike:So when you learn to reach them on your own, they become a part of your default. And that's really when the shift starts to happen. And on those dry days, or even taking a break can feel much easier. You can feel yourself. You're not lacking anything.
Mike:And there's science behind this too. So studies show that behaviors tied to dopamine, like a connection to laughter and movement, can trigger the same reward system that alcohol hits. So one study from the Frontiers of Behavioral Neuroscience showed that positive social interactions alone can activate dopamine in ways similar to other substances. So that means that your brain is wired to feel good naturally, but you need to give it some inputs. So dry days, not about willpower.
Mike:They're about learning how to create those inputs without the drink. So here's something simple you can do this week, maybe on your dry day and finish this sentence. Without alcohol, I imagine myself feeling blank. So, you know, positive, negative. If you're already filled that in with boring and tired and not into it or whatever, you know, you're already going to shoot yourself in the foot.
Mike:So let's go for the positive immediately. And I know everybody here listening is positive. So now ask yourself, what's the one small thing I can do today that is going to feel more of that? So you start there, not with pressure, not with a big change, just with new inputs. They'll help you feel like you.
Mike:The version that doesn't need a buzz will be long. The version that shows up clear, steady, and present, and that version isn't hitting. It's just waiting for a little space to breathe. So your challenge this week is to pick one of those buzz traits, find one non drinking way to access it, try it on a dry day and see what happens. So you're not giving anything up.
Mike:You're getting something back. It's always an experiment. So go run a new experiment if you're feeling compelled to. I hope you have a wonderful week. I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
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Mike:show any appreciation is by leaving a review on whatever platform you're listening to. And as always, if you have questions, feedback, send me an email, mike sunnyside dot co. I'd love to hear from you. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
Mike:This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial.
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