10-Minute Mondays: The #1 Fear After Cutting Back (And How to Beat It)
Welcome to Journey to the Sunny Side, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and, of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunny Side, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside.
Mike:I'm Mike Hardenbrook. And on this ten minute Monday, we're talking about something that a lot of people struggle with, even when things are going well, and that is learning to trust yourself again around alcohol. Maybe you've taken a break coming off dry or dry as January and you just feel amazing. But now you have this idea of having a drink again, it starts to make you nervous. Or maybe you've been cutting back and you're feeling really great about that, but there's still that fear in the back of your mind.
Mike:What if I slip? What if I can't control it? What if I end up right back where I started? So if that sounds familiar, first of all, you're not alone. That is a huge mindset block that so many people have.
Mike:So today, we're gonna break it down. So first, I wanna talk about why trust feels shaky even when things are going well, what's happening in your brain that makes you have doubt around yourself, and how to rebuild confidence in three steps so that you can make decisions without fear, guilt, or second guessing. So let's first start why it's hard to trust yourself again. And it's not about willpower, it's about how your brain forms habits. So I want you to think about your drinking.
Mike:I'm gonna use a metaphor here like a trail through the woods. If you've been walking the same path for years or maybe even decades, it's gonna be well worn in. It's easy to follow. And even if you stop using that trail for a while, it is still gonna be there. There's gonna be evidence of it.
Mike:But when you decide to take a new path, at first, it feels unnatural. You have to push through the overgrown brush, step carefully, and remind yourself many times, this is the direction I'm going. I'm gonna keep going. But here's the good news. The longer you stay on the new path, the easier it gets.
Mike:Every time you choose it, it clears the way a little bit more. And over time, the old path starts to fade. And if you keep walking on this new route, eventually, it becomes second nature, and the old one becomes harder to find. And this is exactly what is happening in your brain when you change your drinking habits. At first, your brain still remembers the old drinking patterns.
Mike:If you used to drink every Friday, for example, automatically reaching for a drink when you're stressed might be a challenge because that is a pathway that's still there even if you've been doing great for weeks or months. So sometimes that fear and that self doubt comes up when you roll off of a break that maybe it was a little bit short. Like, thirty days is pretty short even though it's a huge win. Or maybe you just started your mindful drinking journey, and you're thirty days in, for example, that path, even though you're on it and it feels great and it's new, that old path still might be there off in the distance. And that doesn't mean that you've lost control.
Mike:It just means that you need to keep choosing the new one over and over again. And that's where a lot of the fear and the self doubt comes in. But just remember that your brain might not completely erase old habits, but the less that you use them, the weaker that they become. Think of it like learning to drive when you were younger. Maybe you were a little reckless.
Mike:Maybe you weren't really thinking about the risks and just reacting, driving fast, and being a little reckless. But over time, as you become an adult, you've learned to drive differently. You still drive, but you're paying more attention. You're making better choices and you're staying in control. And that's what's happening with alcohol.
Mike:The more you stick with the new habit, the easier it becomes until one day, it's just how you operate. So how do you rebuild the trust? Well, the first thing is you change the story that you're telling yourself. A lot of people get stuck thinking, you know, when they take a break, if I take a break and then I drink again, I'm gonna go right back to how I was and I failed. Or if I feel like an urge to drink sometimes, that must mean that I really haven't changed.
Mike:But neither of these are actually true. Instead, you need to shift the story. So instead of saying, can I trust myself? Or I don't know if I can trust myself. Say something like, I've come a long way.
Mike:I've made great progress. I trust myself, and I'm gonna learn to listen to myself of what I actually want and take action on that. Or instead of drinking again or having more than I planned means that I'm back to square one, Instead, say every choice that I make is a chance to learn and adjust. And that doesn't just mean that I have to remove any of the wins. Instead, say every choice that I've made is a chance to learn and to adjust.
Mike:And that doesn't remove any of the wins that I've accomplished so far. So self trust comes from proving to yourself that you make decisions, not the old habits. Step two is going to be around focus on our awareness and not fear. Because there's a huge difference between drinking by default and drinking by choice. A lot of people will be like, hey.
Mike:It's Friday. It's 05:00 somewhere. I wanna drink. And, yeah, that makes total sense. But you don't just want the drink.
Mike:You actually want what you associate with the drink. So think about what that is. Maybe it's relaxation after a long week. Maybe it's the signal that the weekend has officially started. Maybe it's the social connection of clinking glasses with friends.
Mike:But here's the real question. Does alcohol actually give you what you're looking for? So here's a mindless example of drinking on a Friday. It's Friday. I always drink on Friday.
Mike:It's 05:00, so, of course, I'm gonna have a drink. And here's the mindful drinking version. What do I actually want in this moment on this Friday? Do I actually want the alcohol, or do I want the feeling that I believe alcohol gives me? And it's fine if you wanna have that drink, but at least pausing to think, do I actually want this, or is there something else that I'm craving?
Mike:Is it that relaxation? Is it the breaking point from the weekend to the weekend? And this shift is subtle but powerful because it puts you back in control. So instead of feeling like you're constantly resisting an urge, you start to question whether the urge is even real or if it's just a mental shortcut that your brain has taken for years for those feelings that you're after. So what happens when we make this shift?
Mike:You stop feeling deprived because you are actually making conscious choices, not following on the old script that you always carried around. And you realize that sometimes you actually don't want to drink, and it was just out of habits tied to this situation. And then when you do choose to have a drink, you enjoy it because it's intentional and not automatic. And remember, this isn't about never drinking again. It's about reclaiming the power to decide when it actually serves you without feeling the fear, the guilt, and the second guessing yourself.
Mike:And then step three is about building small wins to strengthen trust. So psychology calls this self efficacy, which is just a fancy word of saying, the more small wins you collect, the more confident you become in your ability to make good choices. So right now, you might doubt yourself because you've spent years reinforcing these old patterns, these old habits. But here's the thing. Self trust isn't something that you have or don't have.
Mike:It's something that you build, and it starts with small moments. If you had a friend who's flaky, always bails on your plans, you wouldn't just trust them overnight just because they showed up once. They'd have to prove it over time. So it's the same thing with trusting yourself around alcohol. So here's how you build that trust one small win at a time.
Mike:You go out with friends and you decide ahead of time how much you're going to drink, and you actually stick with it. That's a win. You used to grab a drink the second you got home, but tonight you pause and ask yourself, do I actually want this? That's a win. You catch yourself thinking, I'll probably overdo it again, but instead you remind yourself, no.
Mike:I'm actually in control now. That's a win. Self trust grows when you prove to yourself again and again that you can make choices that align with what you really want. And the more wins that you collect, the more natural it becomes. And over time, trusting yourself isn't something that you have to think about.
Mike:It's just who you are. Okay. So I wanna wrap this up by giving you a challenge. I call it the future you experiment. So for the next seven days, I want you to make decisions as if you're already the version of yourself who fully trust their choices around alcohol.
Mike:And here's how it works. Number one, picture the version of you who has complete confidence. You don't stress whether or not to drink. You know that you can enjoy social situations without overthinking alcohol, and you feel in control of your decisions, whether that means having a drink or skipping one. So that's number one.
Mike:Envision that version of you with complete confidence. Number two is each time you're faced with the decision, ask yourself, what would the fully confident version of me do in this moment? And then number three, do that exact thing. Whatever aligns with the future version of yourself, act on it. This could mean, for example, choosing to have one drink and then stopping there without questioning yourself, skipping a drink because you genuinely don't feel like it, not out of fear, but because it's not what you want, and then socializing without feeling like you have to explain your choices.
Mike:And here's a few reasons why this works. First, your brain starts reinforcing the identity of somebody who trusts themselves. And the more that you act on that future version of you, the faster you become them. And instead of just hoping to get there one day, you start living it now. Alright.
Mike:Trust isn't something that you wait for. It's something that you can create. So for the next week, step into that version of yourself and watch what happens. Okay. That's it for today.
Mike:I would love to know how it goes. If you have feedback, questions, or even a topic you'd like for me to talk about on one of these ten minute Mondays, send me an email, mike@sunnyside.co. I'd love to hear from you. And if you got any value out of today's episode or any of the past episodes, it would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on whatever podcast platform you're listening on. I hope you have a wonderful week, and cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
Mike:This podcast is brought to you by SunnySide, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free fifteen day trial.
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