Journey to the Sunnyside

Welcome to Journey to the Sunny Side, the podcast where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living, and, of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunny Side, the number one alcohol moderation platform. And if you could benefit from drinking a bit less, head on over to sunnyside.co to get a free 15 day trial. I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert. Welcome back to Journey to the Sunnyside.

I'm Mike Hardenbrook. And on this 10 minute Monday, I wanna talk about something that a lot of people worry about when they think about cutting back on drinking and that's a fear without alcohol, that they won't be the life of the party anymore, that they won't feel as fun or they'll lose some sense of ease and relaxation that they've come to rely on when having drinks out in social settings. And I get that. I've had the same internal thoughts myself. And for a lot of us, alcohol has become more than just a drink.

It's actually how we see ourselves. It's tied to us in social settings. So maybe you've always been the person who gets everyone laughing at parties or you're the one that helps loosen everyone up and have a good time or maybe it's more about what the alcohol does for you. It takes that edge off after a long day or it helps you feel a little bit more ease in social settings. But let's talk about why this feels so personal when we're talking about cutting back or maybe stepping out and taking a break.

When you repeat something often enough, like having a drink to relax, to feel more confident in social situations, your brain starts to associate that action with the outcome. It's, like, oh, when I have a drink, I feel this way. And over time, it stops feeling like a choice and starts feeling more a part of who you are. You are the quote unquote fun one, the easygoing one, the life of the party. And even if you're not those things and you're just saying, hey, the outcome is I'm relaxed and I'm a lot more fun when I drink.

Here's the important thing to know. Alcohol isn't creating those parts of you. It's not what makes you fun. It's not what makes you relaxed or more connected. Those things come from you.

Alcohol is just an amplification of them in the moment, and it's usually self perceived and not perceived in reality, but it's definitely not the source. So let's say, if you're on a dry day or you're on this break, when you take alcohol out of the equation, especially in social settings, it's normal to start feeling pretty off at first. And you're used to having that drink in hand to give you that boost to help you unwind. It's, like, maybe it's the first thing that you do when you get there. And when it's not there, your brain is still wired to expect it.

And it might leave you feeling, like, you don't know how to show up or that you're not as on as you usually are. But here's the thing, those traits that you're worried about losing, they're still there. They're actually have always been there, and there's not really anything you can do to make them go away. And what you're doing now is learning how to access them in different ways. A way that's more authentic and doesn't rely on alcohol to bring them out.

So let me share a quick story. So I knew somebody who always thought of themselves as fun, as outgoing, and one of those people in the group that stood out. And they were the person who could walk into any room and get everyone laughing within a few minutes. And then they decided to take a break from drinking. And one of the things that made them nervous was, what if I'm boring without alcohol?

What if I lose that spark? And at the first party without the drinking, they definitely felt awkward at first. But as the night went on, they realized that people were still laughing with them. They're still drawn to their energy and still having a great time that the drink wasn't what made them fun. It was their personality, it was their humor, and it was the way that they made other people feel.

And this is a shift that I want you to think about. When you step back from alcohol, whether it's cutting back or taking a full break, you're not losing those qualities that make you fun or relaxed. You're just learning to how to let them shine in a different way. And, yeah, it might take a little bit more time to feel comfortable, but the payoff, there's a lot of upside compared to the little discomfort upfront. So how do you navigate this?

Well, first, give yourself permission to feel a little awkward. It's okay. Socializing without alcohol is like flexing a new muscle. It might feel strange at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. 2nd, I would focus on the why behind your connections.

Instead of worrying about how much fun or how relaxed you're gonna be, think about the people that you're with instead. What can you do to create a great conversation or a memorable moment? Instead, shifting the focus to others can help take the pressure off you. 3rd is to find a new way to feel at ease, and the easiest go to is just to have something in your hand as simple as that sounds. Having a non alcoholic drink that maybe you really enjoy also.

So it doesn't just have to be sparkling water unless you love sparkling water. But just holding something in your hand helps you feel like you're part of the flow. If everyone's having a drink and you have something in your hand, then you're kinda in step with that. And then finally, remind yourself of what's really driving those fears. You know, is it about how others see you or is it about how you see yourself?

And often, we think that people are paying way more attention to us than they actually are. And in fact, they rarely are. And the truth is that people really care and are drawn to you and not you with that glass in your hand. And here's the best part. When you learn to show up as yourself without using alcohol as a crutch, the connections that you create are deeper and more genuine.

And you're not just the life of the party because you have a drink, you're the life of the party because that's how you make people feel. And you're not relaxed because of what's in your hand, you're relaxed because you've learned how to find that calm within yourself. And this is about discovering more of who you are. So taking a step back from drinking or cutting back isn't about losing anything. It's about gaining clarity.

It's about realizing that the things that you love most about yourself, the traits that make you fun, the things that make you confident or more relaxed are actually already there and alcohol doesn't create them. It just actually masks them a little bit. Alright. That's it for today. Thanks for hanging out with me for this 10 minute Monday.

If this resonates with you, please share it with somebody who might need a little encouragement. I'd appreciate any reviews on the podcast platform you're listening to. And if you're looking for more tools or support, head on over to sunnyside.co for our free 15 day trial. And until then, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.