Journey to the Sunnyside

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[00:00:00] Welcome to Journey to the Sunnyside Podcast, where we have thoughtful conversations to explore the science of habits, uncover the secrets to mindful living. And of course, inspire your own mindful drinking journey. This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the number one alcohol moderation platform, and if you could benefit from drinking a bit less head on over to sunnyside.

co to get a free 15 day trial, I'm your host, Mike Hardenbrook, published author, neuroscience, enthusiast, and habit change expert.

Hey everyone. Welcome back to journey to the sunny side. I'm Mike Hardenbrook. And on this 10 minute Monday, we're going to keep it short. Sweet and Pactful is something that you can actually use this week. And today I'm going to talk about something that doesn't get enough attention, or maybe you've never even heard of it at all.

~And ~when we're trying to make changes, we already know and we probably have a to do list. [00:01:00] But do you have a to don't list? So in the to do list, you probably have things like drinking more water, getting outside, exercise, journaling, mindfulness practices, and of course, just your overall goals and positive habits.

And that's amazing. I am all about stacking wins and staying on the positive side of things. But sometimes it's not just about what you're adding. Sometimes it's about what you have to take away to get to the goals that you're after. So let's first talk about what a to don't list is. And I want you to think about Things, situations, maybe particular people, places that make sticking to your commitment harder than it actually needs to be.

And the reason we want to define this isn't because we want to remove those things forever. We just want to clear a little bit out of this noise while we're building a new foundation. So for example, maybe there's somebody in your life that you [00:02:00] usually tie one on with. We all have those kind of friends, right?

You know, the type of friend that you go and say, Hey, let's just grab one drink. It's only gonna be one. And then somehow, all of a sudden, you're closing down the bar together, or maybe you even have worse stories, and I know that I have some hangovers that I still remember from those one drink moments, and it's usually with the same person.

So even if that person supports your goals, that dynamic between you and them might not be helping you right now. So I'm not saying that you have to cut them out at all, but this is an example of maybe That one beer situation with that one friend that you already know that you struggle with and usually go overboard with, that might be something that you think about adding to your to don't list.

So, again, think about certain events, places, maybe a specific venue or bar that you always have drinks at. Your [00:03:00] favorite pub where maybe people are always going to be there that, you know, and it makes it a little too cozy to be in that situation. And it doesn't really align to where you're going at this very moment.

That doesn't mean that you have to step out of it forever. Nothing we are doing here is forever. It's all an experiment. It's just something that we want to remove these places. and potential situations that have built in triggers that might make it more difficult. So even small things like your route home that you take, maybe you always pass by a certain store or liquor store.

And as I mentioned, your favorite bar, and ~you might want to think about. That's not on a to do list, but ~you might want to think about maybe taking a different route home for a little while, and you can just enjoy that drive. Maybe it's a little bit longer. Why don't you put on something relaxing? It gives you a little bit more time to yourself, maybe an audio book, maybe your favorite podcast or something like that.

So let me give you a [00:04:00] little personal example of this, and I probably shared this on other episodes. And that would be Friday night was my cutting off point for work as many of us. And that meant that around six or seven, I would start thinking about going to the store. And so at that time, that's when I would enjoy going to the store, picking out what I was going to have, whether it be beer or wine.

Come home. And then my evening would unfold of kind of hanging out with my wife, having drinks, opening a bottle, laughing, opening another bottle. And so what I did was. Not only did I remove that to do list and added it to my to don't, so I no longer went to the store at that time and I swapped it for going to my health club and I would do a sauna or I would do jacuzzi to make myself feel more relaxed.

So I replaced that need to relax with a different outlet. The other thing that I did add to my to do list is [00:05:00] that I would make a commitment in the morning on Saturday early at 6 a. m. to meet with friends to go mountain biking. And so That's an example of where you can add something to your to don't list and then replace it with a to do list or multiple.

So this really removed that unnecessary friction, but that's one where it's just secluded to home. If it were, you know, I always met my friends on Friday, that would be maybe, hey, I'm going to meet them instead on Saturday. And so now I want to talk about why this works, the science behind these triggers.

And our brains are wired to link habits to certain environments, to certain people, to certain routines. And as I've mentioned in other episodes, and if you haven't listened to it, I talk about the habit loop. And in this habit loop, our brains are looking for automatic, easy ways for it to do specific tasks and conserve energy.

So if you interrupt that loop, even in small [00:06:00] ways, you're now creating a space to build new patterns. So the to don't is actually interrupting that pattern and it's giving the brain a fresh slate to work with. So now I want to reframe it a little bit because to don't. Don't is kind of restriction, right?

And I want to reframe it to self care. This isn't about deprivation. It's about self care. It's about protecting your energy and creating space in your life for building these new habits. And it's not about you're missing out on things. It's about you're making room for these new things, for these new habits.

So let's get some questions that we want to ask ourselves. And here's the challenge that I have for you. And to take a second and think who or what tends to make sticking to your goals harder. And the other one is, is there a recurring situation where you think, why did I put myself in this position, this spot again?

[00:07:00] So if you can ask yourself these two questions and identify a starting point, These are great things that you can think about adding to your to don't list. And I also want you to remember that flexibility is key. Nothing is permanent. I've said this a couple of times, but I think we really need to drive at home that you don't have to cut out people.

You don't have to cut out activities in your life forever. It's just about hitting pause on things so that it doesn't feel like these hurdles that you have to get over right now. And over time, you'll find those situations. They don't really have the same pull on you anymore that they did, and in many cases you can just return back to the things that you were enjoying in the same way but with your new found habits.

So a quick parting visualization exercise. Six months from now, you're at the same place with the same person and you're completely in control. You're making these choices that feel good, they feel effortless. And [00:08:00] that's what this is all about, setting yourself up for that kind of freedom and competence.

So imagine yourself achieving and being in control in the future. So I want you to give this a shot. Make a quick to don't list. It doesn't have to be long. It doesn't have to be dramatic It can just be a couple of key things that can shift you out of your life Temporarily to smooth the path ahead and don't forget it as you build positive habits staying busy reinforcing the good stuff boosting your dopamine levels I mean, you're also clearing out the speed bumps and that's how you create lasting change, and if you enjoyed this and you want a little bit of extra help with your mindful drinking journey, head on over to sunnyside.

co and get started with our free 15 day trial. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking [00:09:00] journey.